


Having a good time

by Popstar



Series: Vegas Verse [1]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, Eventual Happy Ending, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Las Vegas Wedding, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, let's pretend that Ben was there for the press tour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2019-12-07 17:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 66,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18238085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Popstar/pseuds/Popstar
Summary: The Las Vegas accidental drunk marriage AU no one asked for.This is an AU where Ben joins the cast for the BoRhap press tour and stupid things happen after the Queen concert.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically this is a tumblr prompt fill. But I've started it before I got the prompt by the lovely anon and it fit quite well. So I'm not adding it to the prompt series because this fic will be a multichapter fic. You know me. I hate WIPs, but this one is basically finished, otherwise I wouldn't start posting it. I really hope you like it. I have a thing for Vegas AUs, because we all need those in our lives. As well as fake marriage / pretend relationship stories.
> 
> [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) is the best person on the world and she's the best for reading this over and giving me all the critic I needed and correcting my too long sentences. <3 
> 
> The title is shamelessly stolen from Queen. 
> 
> **Disclaimer** : I don't own anything and this is simply for entertainment. Don't want to hurt anyone's feelings here and am not implying anything - it's just fiction that sprung from my imagination.

There’s a pounding, dull pain in the back of his skull when Ben slowly drifts into consciousness again. He swallows dryly, his mouth feeling like something crawled in there and died over night, the sour and furred taste on his tongue making his queasy stomach even more upset. He frowns a little, sending another wave of pain right through his skull when the muscles in his forehead start to move and he tries to breathe as shallow as he can.

 

They really had a blast the night before and quite obviously partied a little too hard. He makes a soft sound, grunting a little as he rolls onto the side. His head is swimming, making him stop his movements abruptly even before he as fully turned and curled into a ball. Fuck. The last time he felt this bad was ages ago. He can’t even really remember when. Not that he actually can remember much right now, probably not even his full name and birthday.

 

He stays in the foetal position for quite some time until he finally can convince himself to blink open his eyes and look around the room. Luckily the curtains are drawn and shielding away the blinding sunlight. It must be quite late Ben assumes and carefully, really carefully starts stretching out a bit more. By the time he’s managed to sit up by some loose definition, he finds a water bottle on the nightstand and hastily opens it, quickly downing a few gulps. It’s not a miracle cure but it helps a lot with the taste in his mouth at least and he can actually sit up a bit more, not feeling as nauseous anymore, carefully so he doesn’t spill the water by doing so.

 

He should probably take a shower to help him feel like a human being again, and brings up a hand to his face to rub over it, trying to wake himself up a little more. When something cold brushes over his nose he pulls his hand back to look at it, curiously eyeing his hand. There’s a simple gold band on the ring finger of his left hand and Ben feels a moment of panic wash over him. “Oh god, please no,” he whispers to himself. Hopefully he did not get so drunk and married some bird in Vegas because he misses being in a relationship so much.

 

Thing is, Ben really is a relationship kind of guy. He likes taking care of his partner and he likes being with someone. He doesn’t really know how to be alone anyway, so it’s not a surprise he misses it so much. But getting drunkenly married in Vegas to some girl he hardly knows – that’s low, even for his standard.

 

Carefully he turns his head to have a look if he’s brought his accidental bride back to his room. He smiles in relief when he notices Gwil lying next to him in bed. His face is squashed against the pillow as he’s half lying on his stomach, half on his side, and he looks as unattractive as Ben feels right now, making him snicker a little. They both really must’ve overdone it last night.

 

When Ben lets his gaze travel over Gwil’s naked shoulder, over his arm that is stretched out on the mattress next to him and up to his hand, he notices the golden band that is gracing Gwil’s ring finger – his left one, just like Ben’s.

 

“Oh god.” Ben’s eyes widen and he brings his hand up to his face again, staring at the ring on his wedding finger. They couldn’t have been _that_ drunk. Or _that_ stupid. No, just no. He refuses to believe something like that would actually happen to them. Sure, Ben is someone to be stupid enough to do something like that – he’s never been the smartest when it comes to love or the lack thereof and alcohol has always lowered his ability to make smart decisions – but Gwilym? No, not a chance. He wants a family and kids and all of these things – not that Ben wouldn’t want that. But not right now, not when he’s just gotten out of a relationship.

 

Suddenly he feels more than sick to his stomach and he scrambles out of bed, heading straight for the bathroom.

 

When he comes out again he feels a bit better – he’s taken a shower as well, just to get to the feeling of cleanliness and he does feel like a human being again. Gwil, however, is still there and the fact that he moved on the bed and is now lying on his back is the only indication that he’s even alive.

 

Ben makes his way to the suitcase to grab a fresh pair of boxers, only to realise that it’s Gwil’s suitcase and he curses a bit under his breath. So he puts on the ones from the night before and contemplates if it’s okay to run off when there’s a noise coming from the bed.

 

Watching Gwil go through the same agony Ben did a while ago makes him realise that this looks as painful as it feels and he winces in sympathy. Gwil does seem to need a little longer though until he can finally sit up and rub over his face. He stops as well, when he feels the cold metal of the golden ring on his finger and only then he looks around the room, his bleary eyes coming to rest on the only other person in the room. “Ben?” He croaks out and winces at the sound of his own voice. “Hey.”

 

“Hey.” Ben smiles awkwardly and clutches the towel he’s still holding. It really doesn’t help that he’s standing there in only his underwear and that Gwil is probably half-naked under the duvet, too. Ben hasn’t checked, but he’s not wearing a shirt at least.

 

“What the fuck? How much did we drink last night?” Gwil asks and frowns, before he reaches for the water bottle on his own nightstand to drink some water as well. It seems to have the same effect on him: the fluid helps to make him look a bit more awake. Even if it’s just a tiny bit.

 

“Too much.” Ben clears his throat, still standing awkwardly in the room. This is a situation he’s never pictured himself to be in and he really doesn’t know how to handle this. As far as Ben knows, he isn’t gay. Sure, he’s done his fair share of kissing blokes – but that was mostly in acting school and for plays. He’s never really considered himself liking men, not like this. And especially not enough to marry them drunkenly in Vegas.

 

“Why’s there a ring on my finger?” Gwil asks then before he looks over to Ben and frowns. He probably can’t see anything, not without his glasses and Ben really wishes he’d be as blind as him. He watches Gwil reach for them on the nightstand and put them on. “Fuck.” The soft curse comes out sharper than he intended, probably. He looks back to Ben, still standing there and looking probably as miserable as he feels. His gaze travels over Ben’s body and when it falls onto his left hand he pales. “Oh god, please tell me we didn’t.”

 

Ben pulls a face at that and shrugs. “I think we did.” His own voice is quiet and he swallows. Watching Gwil go through the same stages of denial Ben went through should be consoling. However it only makes him ache in sympathy. Gwil is his friend. They have grown quite close over the last year and they’ve done so many stupid things together – but this is by far the stupidest and especially the most reckless thing they have ever done.

 

There is a long silence stretching out between them and Ben frowns a little more. “Are you there?”

 

Gwil lets out an unattractive snort. “Physically, yes. Mentally is debatable.”

 

Ben can’t help but chuckle softly, even though the situation is hardly appropriate for it. At least Gwil didn’t lose his dry sense of humour. That’s something.

 

“Fuck.” Gwil’s voice pulls Ben back out of his thoughts and he watches him finally slide out of bed. He’s wearing a pair of black boxer briefs and Ben lets out a relieved breath. At least there wasn’t any sex. They probably were too drunk for that anyway. “I need a shower.”

 

Ben nods and points behind him to the bathroom. “I already did. Um... I’d like to get dressed in fresh clothes? This is your room.”

 

“Oh, sure. Yeah.” Gwil nods at that and runs a hand through his hair. “Just... take a card and come back after? I think we should talk about this.”

 

Ben bites his lip and nods. “Yeah.” They definitely need to talk about this. About what they’re going to do with it and how to prevent the catastrophe from unfolding; if there even is anything they can do with that. “I’ll come back, I promise.” He places the towel on the rack in the bathroom and then grabs his jeans from the night before to slip into them as well as his shirt – he leaves it unbuttoned and then turns back to Gwil who has gotten himself fresh clothes out of his suitcase in the meantime. “You know, I pictured my walk of shame in Vegas a little differently.”

 

Gwil laughs at that and then winces at the sound he’s making. “I bet you did.” He walks up to Ben and places his hand on his shoulder, giving him a little smile that Ben isn’t sure he’s feeling. “We’ll figure this mess out.”

 

“Thanks, man.” Ben smiles back up at him. He looks as tired as Ben is feeling and it’s a small relief that he’s been just as drunk as Ben was last night. Even though Ben can’t really believe what they did, it’s good to have Gwil in this with him. He seems so calm and collected even though he’s probably anything but and his whole presence makes Ben feel a lot better about this situation. At least he’s married to Gwil, right now that’s what he’s kind of clutching at mentally. He knows Gwil. He’s not some random bird he picked up and married. He’s Gwil.

 

“Any time. And now I’ll have to make a human being out of myself again. I stink.” Gwil chuckles and then steps away from him, making his way to the bathroom. “Don’t forget to come back. I’ll order us room service so we’ll get something to eat. And coffee. And then we’ll talk.”

 

“Good, you’re a life saviour.” Ben grabs the spare key card from the desk on his way out and pushes it into the back pocket of his jeans before he pulls out his phone and his own key card as he steps out onto the hallway, still only half-way dressed, his shirt not even done up.

 

There are a dozen messages waiting for him and he frowns at the screen. Joe has sent a million photos to their WhatsApp group but Ben ignores them in favour for the messages from his parents and his brother. Apparently they’ve already heard the news.

 

Ben’s eyes widen as he stares at the screen. Fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slowly Ben realises that they have created a greater monster than they intended. And Brian May and Roger Taylor might have something to say about it as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'll have to thank [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) for the beta and the criticism and everything she added and deleted from the story to make this what it is now. She truly is the best person on the world. <3 
> 
> The title is shamelessly stolen from Queen. 
> 
> **Disclaimer** : I don't own anything and this is simply for entertainment. Don't want to hurt anyone's feelings here and am not implying anything - it's just fiction that sprung from my imagination.

Ben needs a moment to catch his breath before he can drink some more water and focus on finding clothes for the day. He doesn’t really know what he should wear but eventually he dresses in a comfortable pair of trackies and his most beloved hoodie. Normally he packs those things to nurse his hangover or travel long distances in them. But right now he just really wants to feel comfortable.

 

He still can’t wrap his head around what they’ve done last night. That they were stupid enough to go through with something like that. And on top of all, that they apparently were stupid enough to tell people about it. Ben really isn’t sure what made him do it. He wants to go back and take it back, reverse time and make sure none of this has happened. Even though he doesn’t quite remember what has happened, he knows that the night resulted in Gwil and him tying the knot and that is not how Ben imagined their Vegas trip to go.

 

Without looking at his phone too much he plugs it in to charge and then drops down on the bed, with a heavy sigh, trying to sort his wild thoughts. None of them make sense right now. He’s not even sure his mind is working properly right now. He really can’t wrap his head around the fact they did something like that. It’s one thing to be a little bit drunk and stupid and do weird things, but it’s an entirely different story to be stupid enough to marry one of your best friends on a whim or a joke.

 

Because Ben is pretty sure that’s what it is. It can’t be more. They must have taken it as joke and decided to roll with it because they thought it was funny. Maybe even because they wanted to egg Joe on. After all, they have all tried to make each other jealous during filming, and later on as well, when Gwil visited Joe in New York or when Joe kipped at Gwil’s flat in London, deliberately deciding on his place instead of Ben’s. Ben had been more than a little jealous then, especially when they sent him pictures and videos and voice messages and told him how much they missed him and wished he was there with them.

 

But never in a million years would Ben have guessed that would be enough to send him into doing something stupid and reckless like that and making him marry Gwil. Yet he doesn’t know if he had married Joe if the situation were different.

 

He lets out a soft groan and rolls onto his side to grab his phone after all and flick through his messages. His parents seem more than confused and his brother had sent him too many questions about his sexuality and how he could’ve told him that he was bi, obviously. Ben isn’t even sure how they got hold of the story just yet.

 

The worst part about all of this is actually that he let his parents down, his brother and his friends as well. He got married without all of them there, without his biggest support system and that’s really not how he imagined his wedding to be like. He doesn’t even know what he’s imagined for sure, but definitely not a drunk marriage in Vegas to a man.

 

He skips through most messages from his friends. There are a few he reads, mostly because he wants to know what they think and how weirded out they are. But they are nothing but supportive and just a tiny bit disappointed that he hadn’t even hinted at it. One of his mates congratulates him even on picking such a fine and good looking husband, making Ben laugh at that.

 

There’s a message from his ex-girlfriend waiting and Ben bites his lip, dreading it a little to read the message. But in the end, he’s too curious not to and opens it. She just congratulates him and wishes him well. It’s sweet, short and simple and Ben feels his face flush at that. God, he feels stupid. Everyone seems to believe that he’s in love with a man, no one really questioning him marrying _Gwil_. He doesn’t know what he was thinking last night, what made him come up with the idea – because he’s quite certain it was him. It must have been. He’s too lonely and alcohol makes him reflect on that too much. On top of that, Rami and Lucy probably reminded him of what he doesn’t have right now: someone to hold in his arms and love.

 

He doesn’t dare to listen to his agent’s voice message or read her message. It’s probably going to be worse than Ben has thought. Maybe word got out. Maybe they got papped doing it. It seems to be public knowledge somehow, considering the amount of messages he already got. Whatever it is, he really needs to talk to Gwil about it.

 

Quickly he scrambles off the bed and then groans, his body swaying a little. It reminds him that he overdid it the night before and that he should probably keep it slow for the day, especially since he hasn’t had anything to eat just yet. Coffee might help with that as well. And maybe he needs another painkiller for his head. He feels like throwing up again. But he’s not sure if that’s because of his hangover or because of the situation he’s in.

 

Finally he takes a deep breath, runs a hand through his curls and stuffs his phone into the pocket of his trackies on his way out of the room.

 

Carefully Ben uses the spare key card and lets himself back into Gwil’s room.“Gwil? Man, I think something is definitely wrong.” He closes the door behind him and steps into the room, putting down the card on the desk again. Before he can say anything else, he stops in his tracks when he finds four people looking back at him. Joe, Rami and Lucy are sitting on the couch in the sitting area of the room, giving him a sympathetic look. “Hey.” He frowns at them and then looks at Gwil, who is nursing a cup of coffee already, hunched over in an arm chair.

 

He points at the other arm chair and then puts his own mug down before he pours a cup for Ben. “Have some coffee and maybe a bit of food. You’ll feel better then.”

 

Ben frowns at that comment but moves to sit down in the armchair, taking the cup of coffee Gwil is handing him with gratitude. Gwil is right, coffee and food will probably help with his upset stomach. It’s what he needs. Carefully he takes a sip of his coffee and lets out a soft sigh. Perfect.

 

He looks from Gwil to the others and back again. Somehow the looks on their faces worry him, playing right into his feelings. They look worried, just like Ben feels; worried, and a little upset. Sure, they did a really stupid thing, he _knows_ that, but the looks on their faces really drive it home. They feel like a confirmation. Joe, Rami and Lucy know. A lot of people know, too, and Ben is probably about to hear something about it that he won’t like, he can already tell that. It makes his stomach clench, and that’s not just due to the hangover. “What’s wrong?”

 

Gwil swallows and then wrings his hands together, giving Ben a worried look. “It’s worse than we thought.” He looks like something knocked him right in the face, making Ben frown back at him. He’s never seen Gwil behave like that and quite honestly it makes him a little scared, especially with the thought in mind of the situation they are just in.

 

“What’s going on?” He asks then and looks from Gwil to the others again.

 

Finally Joe is the one to break the silence in the room. “Sorry man, you posted a video of your wedding on instagram.” He gives Ben a sympathetic look, trying to look comforting.

 

“No.” Ben stares at him, horrified, his eyes widening at the thought. No wonder everyone knows because _everyone knows_. His gaze flicks over to Gwil who looks just like Ben feels, pale and out of place and a little bit like the world is going to end.

 

“I’m afraid yes.” Rami’s voice is gentle and looks as sympathetic as Joe.

 

“They’re going to kill us. The PR-department and marketing. They’re going to bloody murder us,” Gwil mumbles and rubs over his temple, frowning at the rest of the room.

 

Ben frowns as well. He can’t believe they were stupid enough to go through with something like that. And he can even less believe that the others didn’t do anything to prevent them from fucking up the whole press tour for the movie, the whole release is only a few more weeks away. “Why didn’t you stop us?” He asks quietly, looking up from Joe to Rami and Lucy before he looks back to Joe, as if he’s the one responsible for all of this mess.

 

Of course he can’t blame Joe for this. He can’t blame anyone but himself. And maybe Gwil. But right now Ben can’t think straight anymore. His brain isn’t functioning well and his day didn’t start in the best way either. He feels a little bit on edge.

 

He’s not even sure what he would have wanted them to stop from happening, the wedding itself or the instagram post afterwards. But either way, none of this is a good thing and all of this should have been stopped sometime last night before it turned into this mess.

 

Of course there are worse people to get drunkenly married to than Gwil, obviously, but Ben still really has a hard time believing they actually did it in the first place. He can’t be so lonely to go through with something like that and he’s always thought Gwil has a little more dignity than that, is too mature for something like this to happen to him, with him. Not that he isn’t up for doing stupid things. Just not that level of stupidity. And of course, no one is to blame for this mess but the two of them, but Ben really wants to find someone else who is responsible for this and he doesn’t want to be the one who will be blamed because he talked Gwil into something stupid like this. Because deep down he’s got the feeling he knows just whose idea it was.

 

“Well, for one, we were all more than wasted and full of adrenaline from the concert—“ Joe gets interrupted by a pained noise from Gwil.

 

“Brian and Roger are going to kill us, too,” he mumbles and frowns some more, giving the others a dismayed look before his eyes come to rest on Ben’s and he swallows hard.

 

“Fuck.” Ben hasn’t thought about that yet either. They really are fucked. The thought of Roger Taylor and Brian May finding out about their stupid wedding via the internet makes it even worse than having the rest of the world know. It’s almost as bad as letting his parents down.

 

“They’re not.” Joe raises his eyebrows and shakes his head. “They’d love a love story like yours and see it unfold right in front of their eyes probably makes them really happy.”

 

“Thing is, this is not a love story.” Ben frowns and wrings his hands together. This is all way too much for him and his head that is not really up to complicated thoughts like that after a long, hard night out. He hasn’t even had breakfast yet. Slowly he takes another sip of the coffee Gwil poured him and closes his eyes for a brief moment, enjoying the feeling of the warm liquid in his mouth.

 

“Hey.” Gwil’s voice and his half-hearted nudge make Ben look at him. “This is the greatest love story of all times.” He gives him half a smile and Ben can’t help but smile back when his gaze meets Gwil’s. He’s glad they’re in this mess together. At least it’s Gwil. He’s a good guy. “We have to annul it, obviously.” Gwil looks up at the others again. “You can get marriages annulled here in Vegas, too, right?”

 

Ben nods in agreement. The thoughts about annulling the wedding have crossed his mind as well. It’s easy to do something like that. A lot of people admit to doing something drunk and reckless and then regretting it in the morning. They wouldn’t be the first. And at least Gwil and he are on the same page with this.

 

“Yeah, but _imagine_ the headlines.” Joe pulls a face at that. “I don’t think the marketing people would allow you to do that. At least not until the movie has aired. That’d be some bad publicity.”

 

“Oh god.” Ben’s eyes widen and he looks over to Gwil who looks equally shocked. “I haven’t thought about that.”

 

“They’re most probably going to want you to wait until _after_ award season.” Lucy’s voice is gentle and she lifts her hands lightly. “If the movie does well – and we’re all hoping it does – then you could ruin it all by getting divorced so quickly and causing massive headlines because of this mess.”

 

“Oh god,” Ben says again and slides lower in the arm chair he’s sitting in. “I can’t believe we did something like that.” He frowns over his cup, staring blankly at the floor. He really can’t believe it because doing something stupid like that requires a lot less self-control than he thought he had.

 

“Fuck, my parents are going to be so disappointed. I’m the youngest of the family, the only one who isn’t married yet and... They haven’t pictured something like this for me,” Gwil mumbles, more to himself than to the others in the room. Ben looks up at him to take him in. Gwil rubs a hand over his face and sighs, making Ben realise how tired he actually look. Ben wants to wrap him up in his arms and protect him. Sure, his parents are going to be more than disappointed as well, no matter that they wrote in their messages that they’re supportive, even if they’re a bit confused about the whole story. But seeing Gwil like this makes his heart ache a little, especially since he strongly suspects he’s responsible for this mess. Well, he doesn’t know for certain, but he has a feeling that it was him; and he just wants Gwil to feel better again.

 

“We could have a big ceremony when we’re back in London.” As soon as he has uttered the words, four heads whip around to look at him. He doesn’t even know where this is coming from. It’s not that he wants to stay married to Gwil, or marry him for real. It’s just that he hates seeing him so worked up and visibly upset.

 

“What?” Joe shrieks while Rami just raises his eyebrows and Lucy gives him a doubtful look. Gwil just stares at him.

 

“I mean, we’re gonna have to stay married for a while anyway, right?” Ben looks to Gwil and lifts a shoulder. “We might as well sell it right.”

 

“Are you nuts?” Joe shakes his head. “That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard. Even more stupid than this whole thing here. Stupidest of the stupid. Stupid.”

 

“No, he’s got a point.” Rami jumps in to Ben’s rescue, making all of them look at him. Ben blinks, a little surprised by that. He would have never guessed that Rami would agree with him. Because deep down Ben, and everyone in this room, knows that this really is a stupid idea. “They will have to stay married until a few months after the award season.”

 

“Bullshit though. They don’t have to celebrate a big ass fat lie to their families!” Joe argues back and frowns at Rami, shaking his head.

 

“You don’t have to host a big wedding as soon as you get back to England.” Lucy gives them a gentle look. “But you can tell your families that you plan on having one. You know, that this was all a bit rushed, a heat of the moment thing, but that you love each other? That isn’t a lie after all.”

 

“There’s a difference between being drunk, stupid idiot friends who love each other and being in love with each other.” Joe shakes his head, glaring at Ben, as if he is the one who is responsible for the whole mess in the first place. It doesn’t matter that Ben has had similar thoughts, but he definitely doesn’t like the way Joe is looking at him. It makes him feel uneasy and restless and somehow incredibly guilty.

 

“Stop looking at him like that. It’s not his fault alone. There are two people responsible for this mess.” Gwil’s voice is soft but firm. When Ben looks over to him, Gwil’s eyes are fixed on Joe, whose gaze comes to rest on him as well.

 

Ben frowns a little when they have a whole silent conversation just by looking at each other and it makes him a little uncomfortable watching because it doesn’t seem like it’s the nicest conversation they ever had but eventually Joe lifts his shoulders.

 

“Fine, I just wanted to help.” He makes Ben frown a little more at the comment as Joe turns to look at him. “Sorry, not your fault. Still stupid.” He gives him a smile and then leans over to nudge Ben’s knee.

 

Ben bites his lip at that. He’s never been good at being at the receiving end of anyone’s annoyance but he’s never had to experience it from Joe and it makes him feel smaller than he actually is because Joe is like the bigger brother he’s always wanted – not that his own isn’t amazing, too. It’s just that Joe is Joe and Ben really loves him and he trusts his judgement more than he probably should. “Was I the one to suggest it then?” He asks and looks from one to the other before his gaze falls back on Joe, who nods.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Great. Ben groans and sinks lower in his arm chair, closing his eyes. Fucking great.

 

A knock on the door makes him look up again though and he frowns at Gwil, the other three in the room giving him a confused look as well. “Are you expecting someone?” Rami asks and tilts his head to the side.

 

Gwil shakes his head. “No... Not really. I’m not sure I’ll like who’ll be standing at the other side of the door though.” He frowns towards the door and takes a deep breath, ready to get up.

 

“Don’t. I’ll do it. I’ll send them away if they’re too annoying. Like the PR people. Although I’m sure they’ll want to talk to you.” Joe gets up and squeezes Gwil’s shoulder on the way to the door, four sets of eyes following his movement.

 

When Joe opens the door, Ben’s eyes widen in shock. “Oh god,” he breathes out and sinks lower in his armchair, his face flushing in shame, even though he can’t take his eyes off the two men standing outside, talking to Joe.

 

“What?” Gwil asks, a frown on his face.

 

“Brian and Roger are here,” Ben whispers back and finally meets Gwil’s gaze. He feels sick again, like throwing up. And he’s hasn’t even had any breakfast yet.

 

“Oh god,” Gwil says as well and he looks terrified. More than Ben has ever seen him. He downs the rest of his coffee and then gets up, pulling Ben to his feet. Out of the corner of his eyes he sees Rami and Lucy getting up as well and Ben swallows hard.

 

“We have visitors. Or rather, you two have.” Joe steps aside and lets the two older men enter the room, closing the door silently behind them.

 

“We wanted to congratulate you in person,” Brian says and smiles so widely his eyes crinkle. It makes Ben feel even sicker. “We’re about to head out, next concert and all. But these are great news.”

 

“Well, came a bit by a surprise. But as long as you’re happy.” Roger shrugs, even though he’s smiling as well. Ben still feels a little terrified by him.

 

But before he can even react, Brian has already moved forward and pulled both of them into a tight hug, squeezing them gently. “It’s so lovely that you’ve found love during making this movie. It makes us even prouder.”

 

Ben tries to smile, even though he feels anything but happy and he keeps his gaze down, not wanting to look at Roger, who’s standing a little behind them. He’s still hungover and he’s devastated that he’d come up with such a stupid thing in the first place.

 

“Thank you,” Gwil says after a moment and then Brian leans back to look at them. “We’re really happy. Just a bit hungover.”

 

Roger laughs at that. “Well, you certainly know how to party, judging from what you put on the internet.”

 

Ben flushes bright red at that and unconsciously he takes a step closer to Gwil. He just doesn’t want to get scolded all by himself. Because it does feel a bit like a scolding, if he’s really honest. He looks down at his feet and swallows. “It wasn’t the smartest move.”

 

“Ah, don’t mind him. He’s having you on,” Brian says and laughs happily. “We’re delighted that you’ve got married. We would’ve loved to be there, of course. But that’s your decision to make, how and when you get married.”

 

Ben looks up at that, surprised by Brian’s words. Of course he knew that Brian was proud and supportive of them – Roger too – but Ben would have never guessed they cared so much. He looks to Gwil when he wraps an arm around his shoulders and tugs Ben against his side.

 

“Thank you, Brian, it really means a lot. It was... a heat of the moment thing. We were full of adrenaline and more than happy, the concert was amazing as well. And I couldn’t say no when Ben asked me.” He squeezes Ben’s shoulder gently, managing to give him support, even though Ben still feels like throwing up.

 

“Good for you, Ben!” Roger grins at him and nods approvingly. “Popping the question is always fun. Did you get down on one knee?”

 

“Um.” Ben flushes again. Frankly, he doesn’t even remember if he was the one that asked the question or not, but he just plays along and chuckles. “No. I didn’t. Just took his hand and asked him. No flowers or anything.”

 

“Modern. I like that.”

 

Brian snorts and rolls his eyes. “Don’t listen to him. You boys do whatever feels right to you. We just want you to know that we’re really happy for you.”

 

Ben nods along and suddenly he finds himself in Brian’s arms again, receiving another tight hug. It feels nice to have their support. It’s one thing less to worry about, that’s for sure. So when Brian pulls back again Ben smiles up at him, feeling a little better, even though he still isn’t sure if they are selling this right. But if these two believe it, that’s something. They have got to know them a little over the course of making the movie – so they public should definitely believe it as well.

 

Roger moves in to give each of them a brief hug as well and he squeezes Ben’s shoulder when he pulls back, giving him a small nod. “You scored yourself a handsome husband. He’s a keeper,” he tells him, making Ben flush again and stammer out his thanks.

 

While Brian and Roger say their goodbyes to the others as well, Ben drops down in the armchair, waiting for them to finally leave. It’s not like he doesn’t like them. But right now he feels exhausted, and the day hasn’t even started yet.

 

As soon as the door is closed behind them, Ben lets out a soft sigh and grabs a piece of toast to nibble on at last. He feels like shit. This is the worst thing he’s ever done in his life and he doesn’t know what to do about it. But with Brian and Roger on board there’s even less of a chance of annulling it, if that even had been an option before. But they definitely can’t do that now. Not after playing it up in front of fucking Brian May and Roger Taylor.

 

“Hey,” Rami says gently and sits down on the armrest, wrapping his arm around Ben’s shoulders to give them a soft squeeze. “Don’t beat yourself up over this.”

 

Ben looks up at him and then looks over to Gwil and Joe, talking quietly and very animated with each other. He frowns a little, because he doesn’t like the way the conversation seems to be going. It feels like they’ve got a secret they don’t want Ben to know. But maybe he’s imagining things. Maybe Joe is just trying to give Gwil the pep talk Rami is giving him now. So he looks back at Rami and gives him a small smile. “Thanks,” he whispers and leans against him, closing his eyes for a moment.

 

His head is spinning and his stomach is still upset. But it feels nice to have the support of his friends. That he isn’t alone in this stupid mess, but he’s got Gwil with him, and he’s got the support of Joe, Rami and Lucy as well. They’ll always be there for him.

 

Eventually they’ll have to face the world outside the little safe bubble of Gwil’s hotel room, though, and meet up with important people, their agents and the marketing and PR people. But right now Ben doesn’t really feel like leaving Gwil’s room, or, as of right now, Rami’s arms. He wants to stay right here and not move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE BRIAN AND ROGER IN THIS.  
> I'm a bit anxious about that because I've never written them and I don't want to disappoint.  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, people. I actually don't really have the time or muse to update today, HOWEVER, there are these big and exciting news that our dearest Gwil got engaged?? And I'm more than chuffed about that! (Also I'm hoping for babies in the near furture. WHOOP WHOOP!) Anyway, to cut a long story short - here's the long awaited update and I'm sorry it took me so long, I swear that I'll finish this story, it's just that I'm really busy these days. BUT exciting news and engagement (I love marriages - can you tell, by this trope? I'm not too sure, hee.). I also love Ben and Gwil and they love each other, and even though I'm already on the brink of moving on in the fandom part, I'll always hold them dear in my heart. (Only today I've been reminded of a pairing I wrote about 11 years ago and dear lord, all of the old feelings for them bubbled up again. Haha. I'm sentimental mush today.)  
> Anyway. Long story short. Here's the chapter! 
> 
> [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) is the best person in the world. Can you tell? She deserves all the love!  
> Also big thanks to [edgy-fluffball](http://edgy-fluffball.tumblr.com) for the reminder of the EastEnders reference. Hee.
> 
>  **Disclaimer** : I don't own anything and this is simply for entertainment. Don't want to hurt anyone's feelings here and am not implying anything - it's just fiction that sprung from my imagination.

After breakfast they eventually have to face the truth as they get called in by their handlers. They get more than yelled at by the marketing and PR managers, their agents and other representatives of the film than Ben can count. They congratulate them for being in love and tying the knot, just that the timing might have been a bit off, basically. Ben isn’t quite sure what to think about that. The fact that everyone just gratuitously accepts Gwil and he are madly in love and it’s no question that they just got spontaneously married leaves him a bit baffled. Sure, they love each other. But they’re friends. They’ve went through so much, it’s no wonder they got close.

 

He knows that they’ve fucked up big time and that there’s nothing they can do to take it back – they can only do damage control from now on. He hasn’t had this many people glare at him in his entire life and he feels small – more than that, he feels like an idiot.

 

However, they do come up with a plan for damage control about their shitty timing, spinning a story of how to tell the public that the two fell in love during the making of the film and how their love only grew stronger in the months since wrapping but decided to keep it private, as they didn’t want to steal the limelight of the movie. That only last night the excitement got the better of them. It’s a good story, believable, based on the fact that the public already knows how close all of them have gotten and how much they stay in touch anyway all the time, Ben’s got to admit that, but he’s not sure anyone who knows him personally will buy it. Especially since it’s not that long that he’s come out of a relationship and while he’s over that already, he’s not sure he’s up for dating yet. Let alone marriage, no matter how much he misses being in a relationship at all anyway.

 

If he is honest with himself, this feels like yet another episode of EastEnders. The plot too ridiculous to happen in real life. Yet, it’s not a soap opera. It actually _is_ his real life. And the mess he’s in is quite real as well. There is no script, no director and no costumes. It’s plain and simple his life now and it’s quite scary, he’s got to admit. Even though it feels like a joke, it definitely isn’t one.

 

They have cancelled all interviews for the day to give them a bit of time to control the damage and make sure they give everyone enough time to prepare for the next round of interviews.

 

Once they are excused, they send Gwil and him on their way with a warning of not doing any more stupid things and Ben lowers his head in shame as he follows Gwil out of the room. Gwil doesn’t look much better than Ben feels and while it should be consoling it really isn’t.

 

“We’ve fucked up big time, haven’t we?” Ben asks once they’re in the hallway and can breathe a bit more freely.

 

Gwil nods and runs a hand through his hair. “I really hope we haven’t mucked up anything for the movie.”

 

Ben nods at that. “I know.” He sighs and then fully turns towards him. Gwil’s shoulders are slumped and he looks much smaller than he is, making Ben’s heart sink even more. It really hurts to see his friend like that and know he’s the one who’s responsible for all of this, for making Gwil look like this and he wants nothing more than to wrap him up in a hug. But somehow he feels like he can’t, that it’ll be weird, now that they are suddenly married.

 

When Gwil’s gaze meets his though he gives him a brave smile and then pulls Ben into a hug, his arms wrapped tightly around him. Gwil quite obviously doesn’t have any restraints and it’s a bit reassuring to know that nothing is going to change between them, married or not. “It won’t even be half as bad as we imagine. Everyone seems to believe it already.” He’s trying to sound convincing as he squeezes Ben against him. And even though it probably shouldn’t be working, Ben feels himself sink against him, his whole body relaxing in Gwil’s comforting embrace.

 

“Yeah.” He closes his eyes as he returns Gwil’s hug just as tightly. He would really like to believe that, even though he isn’t really sure that’s true. But having Gwil there with him, having him try to sound convincing, even though he’s probably not believing anything he is saying, gives Ben hope and energy to get through this mess. He just hopes that he can give Gwil just as much. But there are still things they need to figure out.

 

First of all, they’ve got the PR-mess to deal with. Secondly they’ve got themselves to deal with. While it’s all nice and good to pretend to be married for a longer amount of time, they actually are married to each other now and Ben doesn’t quite know how to deal with something like that. There’s got to be logistics involved. He doesn’t even know how to deal with the fact that Gwil is a man and apparently Ben thought it was a good idea to marry him. And on top of it all, Gwil thought marrying Ben would be a good idea as well. And after that they have their families to deal with, which is the part Ben dreads the most. He doesn’t want to tell his mum that he got married without her there, even though she of course already knows. But talking to her about it will be something different. She’ll be more than disappointed in him.

 

He leans back to look up at Gwil and gives him a smile he isn’t feeling, trying to put as much confidence in it as possible. “We should probably talk. Without the others there?”

 

Gwil nods. “We should.” He takes a step back but keeps one arm around Ben’s shoulders and nods towards the lifts. “We can go to my room? Did you watch the video yet?”

 

Ben shakes his head. “No, didn’t dare to. You?”

 

“Didn’t either.” Gwil chuckles softly, squeezing Ben’s shoulder reassuringly. “We’re grown men and we should be able to face this like the grown-ups we are and yet we’re avoiding it like teenagers.”

 

Ben laughs at that and nods. “By now we’re probably the only people on the planet who haven’t seen the video of us tying the knot.” Gwil’s hand feels good on his shoulder, reassuring that no matter what bullshit they have produced, they aren’t going to change. They are still friends. It feels reassuring that this thing, this stupidity, is not going to change them or make them drift apart.

 

“Sad, but probably true.” Gwil holds his key card against the reader before he pushes the button of their floor. He still doesn’t step away from Ben and Ben is not really sure if it’s because of the pretence of their relationship for the public now or because he wants to comfort Ben and needs some comfort for himself. But it feels good to have Gwil next to him like that.

 

Once they are seated on the couch in Gwil’s room, both of them with a fresh cup of coffee in their hands Ben gets out his phone and takes a deep breath as he opens his instagram app. He taps on his profile to check and yes, there is a new post right there, waiting for them to look at it.

 

“Go on.” Gwil gently nudges him, sounding just as nervous as Ben feels.

 

Ben frowns at the screen and then taps on the video, turning on the sound with another tap. It’s not as dark as the screenshot suggested – it actually starts with the camera zooming away from them. Gwil is dressed in his jacket and fancy trousers, still looking smart as ever and Ben himself is wearing a button-down and a pair of trousers that he doesn’t remember packing.

 

 _“Do you want to tell everyone why you’re here today?”_ Joe’s voice asks and Ben lifts his eyebrows. Of course he’s been a part of this.

_“We’re dying to know.”_ Rami’s voice sounds from the off as well and Ben thinks he can hear Lucy giggling.

_“Well, it took us some whiskey to get up the courage,” Gwil says then and holds out his hand in Ben’s general direction, waiting for Ben to grab it and when he does, he pulls him closer._ Ben watches in awe how easily he tucks himself against Gwil’s side and leans against him as if that’s not the first time he’s doing it. Of course it’s not. He knows that. But it’s the first time he’s seeing himself do it.

_“We just got hitched!” Ben exclaims then and holds out both of their left hands with the matching rings into the camera, grinning proudly while Gwil just laughs and leans his head on top of Ben’s._

_“Did you kiss the groom?” Joe asks, the sound of his voice fond, even though he manages to make it sound like a joke._

_“Of course I did kiss the groom,” Ben huffs out, obviously a little offended by the question._

_“We should do it again. Just to make sure we did it properly.” Gwil’s remark makes Ben look up at him in the video and a smile forms on his face._ Ben blinks at the screen, surprised and amazed by how captured he seems by Gwil and how easily Gwil seems to return the look with just as much fondness and adoration. He never noticed this before.

_They stare at each other for a short moment until Gwil cups Ben’s face and leans down while Ben meets him halfway. It starts gentle at first, but then Ben pulls him in closer with his hand in Gwil’s neck and the chaste kiss turns into a proper snog._

_The video turns away then and Joe’s, Rami’s and Lucy’s faces come into view, Lucy pressed close to Rami, who is grinning wider than Ben has ever seen him. “Okay, we should stop here,” Joe says but then starts grinning madly and holds up a thumbs-up into the camera while the other two keep on giggling._

 

 

Ben swipes away when the video starts again and he takes a deep breath before he looks back at Gwil. “Okay.” He licks over his lips that suddenly feel a little too dry. “Apparently we were really into the thought of marrying each other.”

 

Gwil’s face goes through several emotions in the blink of an eye, too fast for Ben to register any of them properly, and then his gaze comes to rest on Ben’s. “Apparently so.”

 

“Why didn’t the others stop us though?” Ben asks, frowning at that. “They were there with us. They should have stopped us.”

 

“Would you have stopped Joe and me from getting married?” Gwil asks back and tilts his head to the side, watching him closely.

 

“Yes,” Ben blurts out immediately before he can stop himself and then frowns again. “Mainly because I wouldn’t want you two to get married without me.”

 

“That’s a relief and a bit worrying at the same time.” Gwil chuckles softly.

 

“I just... I don’t know what got into me and made me suggest that we should get married.” Ben looks down at his hands, worrying them together. “I’m so sorry, Gwil, I really am. I just... I’m lonely, I think. I hate being on my own and I projected that onto you, I suppose, and then... I don’t know.”

 

“Hey, hey.” Gwil cups his face softly and, bringing Ben’s head up again with two fingers under his chin. “Don’t beat yourself up like this. I told you, we’ll figure this mess out together.” He gives him a small but reassuring smile and there’s so much fondness in his gaze that Ben wants nothing more than to drown in it. Gwilym Lee definitely is a good man and Ben could have done so much worse. He isn’t even sure he deserves such a man. The way Gwil pulls himself together for Ben’s sake makes his heart clench a little more, especially since he is clearly upset about this whole charade as well.

 

“Besides, I wanted to get married before I turn 35. So thanks.” Gwil’s voice pulls him back out of his morose thoughts. He grins at him, making Ben laugh out loud at that.

 

“I can’t believe you just said that.” He shakes his head, making Gwil drop his hand. “But fine, you’re welcome.”

 

Gwil grins back at him for a moment and waggles his eyebrows before he becomes serious again. “I need to talk to my parents though. And my siblings. They should hear it from me, even though I think that’s probably a bit late by now.”

 

Ben nods. “Yeah, I think it already hit the news and we’ve stolen a bit of spotlight for the movie. So they probably have heard it already.” He takes a deep breath. “I need to call my parents, too. They already texted, as did my brother.”

 

“That’s the thing I’m dreading the most, to be honest. Not the media or fans we’ve lead down, not Brian or Roger. But my parents will be more than disappointed that they couldn’t share the moment with us.” He looks down at his own hands and again there’s this sad look on his handsome features that Ben has never seen before. He really hates himself for putting Gwil through something like that. “They don’t even properly know you.”

 

“Then they’ll get to know me.” Ben takes a deep breath and puts on a brave smile. Acting is what he can do. “As Lucy said, we’ll tell them we’ll have a big ceremony sometime next year or so. And then before we put serious money into it we call it quits.”

 

Gwil gives him a doubtful look. “I don’t think that’s a wise idea.”

 

Ben shrugs. “We can tell them the truth, too.” His mother is going to murder him. Not only did he get married without her or the rest of his family present, he also took didn’t take the commitment he was making serious.

 

“Not in a million years.” Gwil immediately shakes his head. “My mother will disown me and then throw me off a cliff. Well, not quite as dramatic, but she definitely will be more than disappointed and she’s definitely already disappointed that she hasn’t been part of this. And not to mention, my brothers and sister will never let me hear the end of it. No. The truth is out of the question.”

 

Ben pulls a face at that and nods in agreement. “Yeah, I get that. The same goes for me. The less people know the truth, the better. Even if I don’t like lying to them. It might be a bit weird to come out to my mates. Although it might be a bit late for that now; judging from what I put on the internet. I mean, we practically came out last night.”

 

“We did.” Gwil gives him a soft smile. “How are you feeling about that? I don’t think you’ve ever thought about taking a step like this?”

 

Ben shakes his head. “No, I never did,” he admits softly, one corner of his mouth tugging upwards. “But I never snogged a bloke outside a role before last night either and that looked hot. Sadly I can’t remember anything.” He doesn’t know where the confidence is coming from. Maybe because it’s Gwil who he’s talking to. He knows that man. It’s not some weird stranger he has chatted up on the streets and got married to in what he was probably thinking of as a funny situation. This is Gwil. They went through a lot already.

 

Gwil laughs at that. “It is hot, kissing blokes.” He shrugs. “But you’re not freaking out, that’s good.”

 

“I... No. I suppose I’m not.” Ben blinks, a little surprised by that, now that he’s thinking about it. Gwil is right. He should have more of a mental breakdown, or a gay crisis or at least something along these lines. But the thought of being married to Gwil is actually not that scary. Ben isn’t quite sure if he wants to kiss him again, because he’s never thought about Gwil like that, but being married to him isn’t scary, at all. “I just... you’re you. And that’s not scary. I’m not sure I want to snog you right now, but I don’t think I should have a mental breakdown about being married to you.”

 

“Well, that’s a relief.” Gwil breathes out and smiles at him. It’s warm and full of feelings and exactly the thing Ben needs right now, so he just wraps his arms around him and pulls Gwil into a tight hug. They can get through this. They definitely can.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, while Ben and Joe are out there making Gwil jealous again (I LOVE it people, I love it so much!!), and Gwil is busy in Australia doing promo for his new film (I love that, too, and I'm excited for it - SO MANY WEDDING THINGS. Did I mention that I love weddings??), here's the new chapter! More wedding things! Well, they're already married. But anyway, more things, haha :D I hope you like the thing. Let me know? <3
> 
> [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) is the best person in the world for all of her beta work and listening to me whine about it. I couldn't have done half of this without her.
> 
>  **Disclaimer** : I don't own anything and this is simply for entertainment. Don't want to hurt anyone's feelings here and am not implying anything - it's just fiction that sprung from my imagination.

Ben prolongs the call to his family as long as he can by lounging around in Gwil’s room until Gwil politely but firmly kicks him out since he wants to talk to his own family in private. Ben can’t really blame him. And while he dreads the call, he knows he’s got to go through with it.

 

In the end, Ben’s family reacts as predicted when he finally finds the courage to call. It’s not that his mother scolds him, but she is audibly disappointed that they would just elope, without a proper introduction first. Of course, she is right and Ben really wants to punch himself for doing something stupid like that. It’s bound to make people doubt the whole story, the one they are trying to sell everyone, he keeps thinking. But somehow his family buys into it, doesn’t even bat an eye, and demands to meet their new son- and brother-in law. He doesn’t quite know what to make of that. That his family, his parents and his brother, so nonchalantly believe that he suddenly fell in love with a man. Ben feels flattered, on one hand, because his family is open and supportive and that means the world to him. On the other hand it makes him wonder why they so easily just believe the whole story. Sure, they have no reason to believe he’d lie about something like that – who would lie about a marriage anyway? But if baffles him that it’s just so easy.

 

He’s not sure if he can ever look anyone in the eye again and the day isn’t even over yet. He feels a little better physically but his mind is still on edge and he’s not sure if that this is due to the hangover or the sheer amount of stress he’s went through since he woke up.

 

He looks up when there’s a knock on his door, making him frown a little. It’s never a good sign when that happens, especially on a day like this. He hates that he’s the arse who put his friend into the situation they are in right now. Gwil has done nothing to earn the shit they are going through and Ben wants nothing more than to take it all back, to go back to being friends and not married to each other. It’s not because he doesn’t want to be married to Gwil, not really. Sure, his drunk self was seemingly very into the thought of being married to him, but his sober self isn’t so sure anymore. Lonely or not, Ben really would like to take it back. Just because he’s seen the look on Gwil’s face, sorrow and worry and something Ben can’t quite pinpoint yet. Either way, he doesn’t like it when Gwil is worried and he likes it even less that he’s put the worry on his face.

 

When he pulls the door open he looks at Joe’s smiling face and it’s such a welcome change to see it that Ben steps aside with a happy smile spreading out on his face in response and lets him enter. “Hey.” He’s a little relieved that Joe has come to seek him out. After Joe’s small outburst this morning Ben wasn’t quite sure if he should have gone to him to talk, so this may be the better solution. Ben has never dealt well with people’s wrath, and usually none of his friends are angry with him for very long. But with the way Joe had reacted to him this morning, Ben had felt more than ashamed.

 

“Hey.” Joe reaches out to squeezes his arm gently once he’s in the room and the door is closed behind them. “How are you holding up?”

 

Ben shrugs and tries a brave smile. “Okay, I guess?” It sounds weak to his own ears and he gestures in the room so they can sit down on the couch. “I should freak out more, I know that. But I’ve already said it to Gwil... there are worse people to get married to, and he makes it surprisingly easy?” He frowns a little and looks down at his hands. “That’s a shitty thing to say about him. I’m sorry.”

 

“Well...” Joe starts and then laughs softly. “It’s the truth, so sometimes the truth is a bit shitty. Gwil knows that. He doesn’t take it personally.” It seems like Joe has talked to Gwil as well. But it shouldn’t be a surprise to Ben. After all, Joe has made it clear that he’s been a little cross with Ben because of all of this mess.

 

“Yeah, I guess. That’s why he’s such a good man.” Ben sighs before he looks up. “We’ve fucked up big time, didn’t we?”

 

“Yes, you did.” Joe doesn’t even try to put it mildly, making Ben wince at the sound of his voice. “But you two are in this together and you’ve got us, too, Rami, Lucy and me. We’ll support you, no matter what. We’re family.”

 

The words are more than a relief to hear and Ben gives him a thankful smile. “Thank you.” He reaches out to nudge Joe lightly. “I just... I don’t know what got into me? You said I was the one to suggest it?”

 

“Don’t you remember anything from last night?”

 

“No... Well, pretty much nothing after leaving the concert and heading to the bar close by?” Ben gives him a sheepish look and shrugs softly. “We had shots, and more drinks. I know that. It was cool, and so much fun. After that... well, I’m not sure? I just... why the hell would I come up with the idea?”

 

Joe grimaces. “I don’t know. Well, you merely said that someone needed to get married in Vegas. And then you became all emo that you wouldn’t get to be married before you’re thirty and that no one wants to marry you anyway and then Gwil said anyone would be lucky to marry you and he’d do it in a heartbeat.“ He shrugs. “I don’t know what happened after that because I think someone shouted shots. My guess is that maybe you took that as cue to ask him to marry you, I don’t know?”

 

Ben frowns at that. “That does sound familiar.” He tilts his head to the side and frowns a little, willing his battered brain to remember the night before.

 

 

_“I’d marry you in a heartbeat, Ben.” Gwil wraps both arms around him to pull him against his side, dropping a kiss to the top of his head. He’s always been quite affectionate when he’s drunk, but his touches send a pleasant shiver down Ben’s spine._

_Ben closes his eyes for a moment and lets himself fall into the embrace and the warmth Gwil has to offer. Gwil really is an amazing man. He’d be a good husband as well, Ben muses as he breathes him in for a moment. He smells good. His cologne mixed with a little bit of sweat and himself and Ben licks over his lips. “Marry me, then.” His voice is barely a whisper and leans back enough to look up again. The others have fucked off somewhere and it’s just Gwil and him right now and Ben could get lost in these eyes and with how much love Gwil looks at him. He wants something like that, for the rest of his life. He wants to be looked at with love and adoration. And maybe it’s selfish. But he just wants to be happy._

_“What?” Gwil asks, blinking at him. The look on his face changes then, his forehead crinkles a little and there’s the furrow between his brows when he draws them together. He looks more than confused. Ben brings his hand up to smoothen it with his thumb, before he moves his hand to cup Gwil’s cheek instead, feeling his beard under his fingertips. It tickles a little._

_“Will you marry me, Gwilym Lee?” He asks quietly, yet audibly enough over the ruckus in the bar, and blinks up at him and then something in Gwil’s gaze shifts, making Ben’s heart flutter and his stomach swoop and he swallows. He doesn’t know what it is, but he likes it._

_“Yes, of course I’ll marry you.” His voice is as quiet as Ben’s, both of them ignoring the people around them, and then he slowly leans in, cupping Ben’s cheek with his hand as he mirrors his touch, making Ben’s breath hitch in his throat because he knows exactly what is coming right now. Gwil is looking at him attentively, waiting for Ben to pull back or do something, so Ben takes all the courage he has left and leans in, meeting him halfway._

_The kiss is gentle, just a touch of their lips but Ben immediately lets his eyes fall shut and presses himself closer against Gwil, his hand dropping down to Gwil’s chest and fisting a little in his black button down and he tilts his head to the side as he returns the kiss chastely. It’s everything Ben has always liked about a first kiss, the adrenaline and the sheer lust that washes through his body enough to make him want more. It doesn’t take long for him to part his lips and deepen the kiss, easily licking into Gwil’s mouth when he opens up to his nudging tongue._

 

 

“Oh, god, I think I remember that.” Ben blinks at Joe, his cheeks heating up a little at the memories. “I did ask him to marry me then.” He bites his lip, nibbling a little on it. “He kissed me. And I liked it.”

 

“You apparently liked it enough to actually marry him for it.” Joe chuckles softly. “I mean, he does look like he knows what he’s doing, but I didn’t know his kisses are magical enough for that.”

 

“I’m not bi.” Ben frowns again. He isn’t. Really. Not that he’d mind it, he just never felt attracted to men before. No matter how great Gwil can kiss, Ben really isn’t sure if he turned him bi with just a kiss. He doesn’t think it works like this. He’s not even sure if the feelings he felt were real at the time, or because he was drunk and alone and Gwil was good to him and gave him something he craved, was enough to make him want to marry Gwil. He’s more than confused, that’s for sure. Because he remembers his feelings, he felt warm and loved and he wanted to hold on to it. But on the other hand, Ben isn’t stupid either. He’s got experience and there was something underlying everything he might not be ready to admit yet. But then, Gwil is his friend, and of course Ben loves him, of course he does. So Ben was probably just projecting his feelings onto him because Gwil was available and there and ready to marry Ben as well. He seemed more than alright with the idea as well, at least in that moment.

 

“You don’t have to be bi for that.” Joe gently pats Ben’s shoulder.

 

“Apparently not.” Ben blushes again and looks down to look at his hand, taking a deep breath as he looks at his wedding band, twisting it with his fingers of the right hand. These thoughts are not helping him, because he knows that he doesn’t have to put a label on himself, and that he can like kissing Gwil, but not feel attracted to other men. But Ben doesn’t want to think about it too much. Not right now. He is already more than confused about this whole mess anyway, especially now that he remembers the proposal. He wonders if Gwil remembers more than he has let on so far, but Ben isn’t sure if he really wants to ask him, or how he could even ask him. “Anyway, what happened next?”

 

“Well, next thing I know is, you two dragged us off to buy rings, get the license and then find a chapel to get married in.”

 

“And you did that with us? For us?” Ben looks up again and blinks. He’s a really surprised that Joe, Rami and Lucy would do something like that and would support their stupidity like this.

 

“Well, we _tried_ talking you out of it, but strangely enough Gwil was strongly into the idea of getting married that night, right then, and you were done for after he said yes anyway, so there wasn’t much we _could_ do to stop you. And we’re supportive.” Joe sighs a little. “Even though I really tried to talk Gwil out of it.”

 

Ben frowns some more. It just fuels his suspicions a little more that Joe really judges or blames him for everything. “Why would you talk him out of it and not me?”

 

“Because he’s got a little more common sense and isn’t a lonely idiot right now.” Joe gives him a soft look. “Sorry, but you did ask.”

 

Ben snorts at that and looks down again at his hands, his eyes falling onto the wedding band once more. It’s a nice ring and he’s quite certain that Gwil picked both of their rings; they just fit into the style of things that Gwil would pick out as aesthetically pleasing. “I know.” He sighs quietly and nods. “I mean, I suspected something like that, too. I haven’t been single in so long and I’m over her, I really am, but I hate being on my own, you know? Sex is great, yeah. Parties are, too. But... I just... I like being in a relationship and all domestic and I guess that’s what I miss the most?”

 

Joe squeezes his shoulder sympathetically. “I figured.” He waits until Ben looks up at him before he continues in a soft voice. “And you really scored yourself a great husband. Gwil is already more than worried about you. Well, he’s being yelled at by his parents right now, but when he’s not that busy, he worries about you and how you’re taking this.”

 

“Oh god, I need to talk to him. I didn’t mean for him to be in this much trouble and I hate seeing him worked up like that.” Ben gives him a worried look. Gwil means a lot to him and he really hates it that he’s put him into a position like that, that he is making him go through all of that. He never wanted for something like that to happen. Sure, he has joked around with a few mates back home that he’d get married to some bird in Vegas, but he didn’t think he’d go through with it – and that it wouldn’t be a woman at all, but Gwil, of all people. Ben really isn’t sure how to feel about that.

 

“Well, good start.” Joe chuckles softly and nudges him lightly. At least he seems to be more at ease and less cross with Ben now. It’s a relief. “You’ll be fine. Imagine, you could’ve married me.” He waggles his eyebrows.

 

Ben laughs out loud at that. “You didn’t offer, I probably would have if you did.” He wraps his arm around Joe to pull him into an embrace.

 

“Don’t let Gwil hear that. You know how jealous he can get.” Joe hugs him back just as tightly and leans his head against Ben’s. “I’d say I’d marry you, too, but my love for you goes only that far.” He squeezes Ben lightly and then leans back to look at him. “Do you think you’ll be okay?”

 

Ben nods. “Of course. Gwil is an amazing person. And, as it turns out, he’s a great kisser as well. I really could’ve done worse.”

 

Joe snickers at that. “I’ll take your word for it, I’m not gonna try it myself.”

 

“Good, I wouldn’t let you kiss my husband anyway.”

 

“That’s the spirit.” Joe grins and then gives him a gentle shove. “Go and talk to him. He’s probably done getting yelled at by his parents by now and could use your company now.”

 

Ben bites his lip. “You think? He doesn’t hate me for all of this? For putting him through this? Or will end up hating me?” The thoughts tumble into his head just now, and it freaks him out more than he likes to admit. But he doesn’t want this mess to cause the end of their friendship. He couldn’t bear it. The thought of not having Gwil in his life anymore scares him more than he wants to admit.

 

“Oh Ben.” The look Joe gives him is almost pitiful. “Gwil could never hate you.”

 

Ben frowns at that but decides not to ask further and nods instead. “Alright, I’m gonna go to him. Maybe we can watch a movie and order room service for dinner. I don’t think we should go out.”

 

“No, definitely not. It’s hell out there. There are paps waiting in front of the hotel, just for the two of you.” Joe pats his back. “Do what you suggested, watch a movie, and get cosy. It sounds like a good evening. Don’t drink more alcohol or you’ll end up adopting a child tonight on top of all of this.”

 

“Shut up.” Ben rolls his eyes but can’t hide the laugh that bubbles up. He’s glad he’s got a friend like Joe – that both of them do because he’s quite sure that Joe has talked to Gwil at some point already and wouldn’t send Ben his way if Gwil was indeed upset with him. He likes that Joe is looking out for them and it makes him realise that all of them have become really good friends and he wouldn’t want to miss them in his life, not for anything in the world.

 

They get up together and share another long hug before they make their way out of the room. Joe gives him an approving nod and a smile when Ben stops in front of Gwil’s door. He pats his back and then continues his way along the corridor. Ben watches him for a moment before he takes a deep breath and then finally knocks.

 

It takes a moment before the door is finally pulled open and Gwil looks at him. “Ben, hi.” He steps aside to let him enter. “I didn’t expect to see you until tomorrow.”

 

“Oh, I...” Ben looks up at him, gesturing into the room. He bites his lip and slips past him when Gwil smiles and steps aside to let him enter. Once the door is closed behind them and they are finally alone again, Ben looks up and just takes him in. Gwil looks tired. Not just because he’s hungover and it’s been an arse of a day but really exhausted like something is bothering him. “I figured you could use a friend,” he finishes lamely.

 

Gwil smiles at him then and places his hand on Ben’s back, warm and familiar and exactly what Ben needs right now. It reminds him of the gentle touches they’ve shared before and he relaxes automatically into the touch. “Should’ve sent for Joe then.”

 

Ben playfully glares at him and pushes his arm off. “Next time you can marry him then.” He pokes Gwil’s side, making him yelp a little.

 

“No, I don’t think I want to marry him. And hopefully there won’t be a next time.” Gwil pats his shoulder before he gestures into the room and then starts moving first, making his way over to the couch. “C’mon, let’s sit down.”

 

“My parents are really disappointed,” Ben admits as he follows Gwil, sitting down on the couch while Gwil gets them some water to drink. “Mum told me I could’ve introduced you at least before we decided to elope.”

 

Gwil nods in sympathy. “Yeah, my parents said about the same thing. And it’s understandable. Neither of us mentioned the other outside of a work or friendship context before, so it’s no surprise it comes as a shock.” He hands Ben a glass of water and sits down next to him on the couch. Apparently though, Gwil’s parents have just taken on to the fact that they got married in the first place. Just like with Ben’s parents. It did come as a surprise, but no one really questioned the fact that they apparently are very much in love with each other.

 

Ben sighs and nods, looking down at the glass in his hands. “I remembered a bit of last night.” His voice is quiet while he is eyeing the ring on his finger closely. No matter how much he’s struggling with it, he needs to tell Gwil these things. They need to be open about all of this, and talk.

 

“Oh, really? What did you remember?” Gwil sounds curious and he shifts a bit more towards him. Ben can feel his gaze rest on him.

 

“Basically the proposal?” Ben glances up, giving him a careful look. But the way Gwil looks at him is nothing but open and supportive, giving him the courage to continue. “Basically I felt lonely and you said you’d marry me in a heartbeat and then I proposed to you and you said yes and then we snogged?”

 

Gwil laughs weakly and looks down at his own hands, shaking his head a little while he fiddles with the ring on his left finger, just the way Ben has taken to doing as well. “It does sound a bit pathetic when you put it like that.”

 

Ben frowns at that and shakes his head before he puts his glass down and shuffles closer to him. Carefully, he wraps his arms around Gwil to pull him into a hug. “Hey, I’m the pathetic one for coming up with something stupid like that in the first place, just because I’m single and can’t stand it.” He won’t let Gwil put himself down like that. He just won’t allow it.

 

“Did you like the snogging then?” Gwil asks after a moment, his hand resting loosely on the small of Ben’s back, his head leaning against Ben’s.

 

It takes Ben a while to answer as he needs to find the courage to speak up. “Yeah, I think I did.” His voice is soft when he speaks. He doesn’t dare to speak up and ruin the moment. But the thing is, he did like it and Gwil is a really good kisser. He’d quite like to try it again. Now, after remembering the proposal and the snogging, he’s curious about it and wants to kiss him and look if his sober self likes kissing Gwil, too. But he doesn’t want to put it like that. It’s a shitty thing to say, let alone even think. Gwil is his friend, not his personal experiment. Maybe he’s just a little confused because he hasn’t had anyone to kiss in a while either.

 

Gwil just squeezes him gently and then shifts a little so he can return the hug more properly and cups Ben’s head gently. “No pressure, Ben.” He presses a soft kiss to Ben’s temple, a gentle and loving gesture that makes Ben’s face flush. “We’re still friends first and husbands second.”

 

That makes Ben laugh softly and he pats Gwil’s side where his hand is resting by now. “Yeah, that’s true. I just...” He leans back to look at him, biting his lip softly. “I just don’t want this to ruin anything, you know? It’s a stupid drunk decision and we’re really good mates and I don’t want this to come between us because someone expects us to—“

 

“Shh.” Gently Gwil places his forefinger on Ben’s lips, stopping him from rambling further. The touch makes Ben flush again. No one ever treated him like this before, but he definitely likes it, which confuses him more than he wants to admit. “No one expects anything of us. Well, sure, the world does. But the world doesn’t know what’s going on behind closed doors. We might need to pretend a bit for the outside. But we don’t have to here.” He drops his finger again and gives him a soft smile, making Ben’s heart flutter once more, a warm feeling spreading out in his stomach and he bites his lip, looking back up at him.

 

“How can you stay so calm about this?” He asks quietly because it baffles him, it really does. Not that he minds. He loves that Gwil is so calm and coherent about their situation, especially towards him. He still manages to pull himself together on Ben’s behalf, no matter the shittiness of the situation they’re in.

 

Gwil chuckles softly. “I don’t know,” he says and shrugs. “Maybe it hasn’t fully sunken in yet.” He shifts a little until he has worked himself out of their embrace and leans back into the couch. “We could order room service, if you want to stay a bit longer, keep me some company?”

 

Ben smiles back at him and nods. “I’d love to,” he says and picks up his glass of water to take a sip. He’s sure that he will figure Gwil out eventually and how he can just be so relaxed about everything even though he’s been yelled at just as much as Ben has been. Right now Ben doesn’t even have the capacity left to think anymore. He is tired and it’s been a hell of a day and he just wants to spend the rest of it with a mate, eat some junk food and watch a stupid movie on Netflix or pay-per-view or whatever their hotel has, anything, as long as he doesn’t have to be alone and doesn’t have to think about the situation anymore. And he’s got the feeling that Gwil has the same thing in mind.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's beautiful weather outside and I'm in a really good mood - plus I'm sitting in the sun as I type this, today really can't get better. So I thought I'd treat you as well and give you another chapter. This time there's a little more Rami in it. Because Rami is a gem and I love him very much. 
> 
> Again, a thousand thanks and kisses to [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) for being the best beta in the world and putting up with my constant changes. <3

The next day comes with the return of their responsibilities and thus with interviews and everything Ben has dreaded ever since it sunk in that they have actually gotten married. However, the questions have been briefed and approved so nothing out of the ordinary happens – they even get to sit next to each other in group interviews and no one makes even the slightest remark, staying only on the topic of the movie instead.

 

Weirdly enough, Ben feels almost a little disappointed by that.

 

There are the little things he notices though – their handlers watching them closely during interviews and during breaks, as are some of the interviewers who try to catch a glimpse of the happily married couple interacting with each other, and Ben feels almost like he’s on display at the zoo – the latest attraction. But Gwil makes sure to stick to his side, a calming presence, even though Ben wants to say he doesn’t need that, it still manages to calm him down.

 

Gwil’s simple touches during the day make Ben realise that it’s not just Gwil being Gwil and a friend to him. He’s different with Ben, more affectionate towards him, than he’s ever been before. At first Ben doesn’t realise it, not really, but when he notices Gwil touching Rami’s elbow briefly when he wants his attention or the way he nudges Joe with just his elbow, Ben realises it’s a little more than the usual friendly touches. Gwil’s hand lingers a little longer than usual on the small of Ben’s back while he leans closer to him than he has to. But Ben knows better than to comment on it, that they are under the magnifying glass now. People expect them to be open and loving and in love, now that their so called secret has been put out there. So he keeps his mouth shut and puts up with the front Gwil is putting up for the sake of the people watching.

 

During breaks he keeps touching Ben softly, ever so subtly with his fingers lingering a little longer on Ben’s arms, shoulders or hands and he brings him coffee without being asked to. In general, he’s just a very attentive partner and Ben feels a little weirded out by that. After all, the night before, when it was just the two of them, Gwil had been attentive as well, but not on a scale like this, which only drives it home that this must be an act he’s putting up for the sake of the appearance. But he plays along and even leans close to him from time to time, closer than he’d need to, when he talks to him. They don’t kiss. No one really expects them to. It’s not like Rami and Lucy do it either, so it shouldn’t be expected of Gwil and him. No matter that they are married. They are the ones who decide what they want others to see.

 

They are actors, anyway, and both are pretty good at what they are doing, so pretending to be someone they are not is something they get paid for on a daily basis. Ben can do it, he knows he can. It’s just a little weird that this isn’t a role, this isn’t a soap opera. It’s his real life and he’s in the middle of some weird acting shit he didn’t sign up for in the first place. But at least no one expects them to kiss – not in front of the camera, not behind it.

 

There are some jokes Joe makes when it’s just the five of them, but other than that nothing is out of the ordinary and that’s what calms Ben the most. Jokes and teasing, that’s what he can cope with.

 

It’s Rami who finds him in the evening, enjoying a smoke outside the restaurant they’re having dinner at. He leans next to Ben against the wall and smiles at him, nudging him gently with his shoulder. “You know, this will kill you some day.”

 

Ben shrugs. Of course he knows that it’s a bad habit. “Helps me calm down though.”

 

Rami nods and looks up at the sky for a moment before his eyes come to rest on Ben’s again, a soft look on his face. “I bet. But today went well. You did great. Someone said to me that the both of you make a great couple.”

 

“Thanks.” Ben gives him a relieved smile and lowers his voice so no one really can overhear them. “It means a lot. Means we’re selling this right.” He lets out a soft grunt. “It’s a shitty thing to say.” Whatever he says these days, it either feels shitty or is a lie he’s telling.

 

Rami shrugs. “It’s what you’re aiming for.” He turns towards him a little more. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Ben frowns softly and then takes a long drag of his cigarette. “I’m not sure what there’s to talk about?” He answers eventually. It has sunken in by now that they are really married and that there is nothing they can do about it. So Ben will find a way to deal with this. He’s never been married before, and he hasn’t thought he’d tie the knot so soon, least of all to a man. So he isn’t quite sure what to make of all of this.

 

“Just, if you feel like wanting to talk, I’m here. Joe is, too. And Luce, of course. We’re all here for you, Ben.” Rami reaches out to give his shoulder a soft squeeze. “And you can talk to Gwil as well. It’s a weird situation to be in. We just want to make sure you’re okay. That goes for both of you.”

 

“Thank you, Rami. That means a lot.” Ben smiles back at him and finally puts his cigarette out before he pulls Rami into a tight hug. He means it. He’s glad that he’s got friends like them, who support him in every decision and in everything he’s come up with. He really loves these people a lot. When Rami squeezes him a little tighter, Ben buries his nose against the fabric of his shirt and closes his eyes for a moment, just breathing him in.

 

“Hey. Can I borrow my husband for a second?” Gwil’s voice makes them break apart and look up to him. He’s got a soft expression on his face, a fond look as he watches both of them and Ben can’t help but smile back. It still sounds surreal, to be called someone’s husband, especially by Gwil.

 

“Sure. He’s all yours.” Rami smiles back and squeezes Gwil’s arm gently before he moves away from them and walks back inside.

 

Ben looks up at Gwil, watching him step over to him and lean against the wall, his blue eyes watching him attentively. “He beat me to it. I wanted to talk to you, and check if you’re okay after today. It’s been a long day.”

 

“It has,” Ben agrees softly and leans back as well, close enough that they are leaning against each other, his shoulder brushing against Gwil’s arm. “But it’s been fine. I thought it would be worse.” He looks up at him and gives him a small smile. “Thanks for checking up on me. What about you though?”

 

Gwil chuckles. “Ah, you know me. I’m fine.” He nudges Ben gently with his shoulder. “No need to worry about me. Joe and Lucy talked to me when Rami stepped out. It felt a bit like an intervention.”

 

Ben frowns at that. “Why?”

 

“Nah, never mind. They are just trying to help.” Gwil chuckles softly. “Anyway. I thought I’d catch you outside and talk to you, too, see if you’re alright and all. You’ve been a bit twitchy all day.”

 

“Yeah well, it was a bit weird? Felt like people were watching us, our every move. I felt a bit like on display, like I’m in the zoo.” Ben shrugs and stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I’m used to it. I’m just not used to act and pretend when I’m supposed to be me.”

 

Gwil nods softly. “Yeah. I get what you mean.” He wraps his arm around Ben’s shoulders and pulls him against his side. “We didn’t come up with a plan beforehand. I’m sorry. I should’ve thought of that.”

 

“Not your fault.” Ben immediately shakes his head but sinks against Gwil anyway. “I didn’t either. And we should’ve known they’d all want to know, or get exclusives or whatever.” He chuckles a little before he lifts his head and looks up at him. “But I’d like to think we did pretty well for that.”

 

Gwil smiles back at him and nods. “I’d like to think so, too.” His gaze is warm and fond and it makes Ben’s stomach swoop a little, his heart starting to beat faster in his chest. “You’re a good husband, Ben. And an even better friend. C’mere.” With that Gwil wraps his arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug.

 

Immediately Ben lets himself sink against him and closes his eyes. He likes how Gwil’s arms feel around him, warm and secure and like nothing in the world could go wrong. He had feared that they wouldn’t survive something stupid like this, that it would ruin their friendship, or that Gwil would end up hating him for putting him through something like that – but of course it wouldn’t. He should have remembered that. They are really good friends and even though he’s a little scared of what’s still to come – he especially dreads visiting their families and having to pretend right in their faces – he thinks that Gwil and he can just pull it off. They’ve managed to fool the world, their handlers, Brian and Roger, Ben is sure they can manage to fool their families as well. After all, they are actors. They can do it.

 

 

—

 

 

The next days of go by as uneventful as the first, which is still less than he expected after such an incident hit the news but the PR seems to have everything handled, keeping the news-outputs mainly focussed on the movie. There are only a few pap shots who make it into the tabloids, Ben and Rami hugging outside the restaurant, Gwil and Ben doing the same. But it’s mostly positive, so they don’t get yelled at for that. Ben hates checking up on these things so he doesn’t, only gets informed about it via Joe and what his agents tell him. It definitely is more than a relief and he lets out a deep breath when he reads the messages. It could be worse and the media, as well as the fans, seem to take it mostly positively. Of course there are some foul voices, but these are normal and Ben has already feared a shitstorm coming for them.

 

The situation between him and Gwil hasn’t changed much either. Gwil still acts normal around him in private, a little more touchy and attentive when there are others than the band around, and he’s his biggest support, now more than ever. Joe and Gwil talk a lot, which seems to help Gwil in return. It stings a bit that Joe seems to be Gwil’s support system, but Ben understands that Gwil needs someone else to talk to as well, just like he does. After all, it seems like that Gwil wants to be strong for Ben, wants to give him a shoulder to lean on during all of this mess and it feels like that he doesn’t want to bother him with his own problems. Even though Ben would really like to return the favour, to be there for Gwil as well and give him something in return. But he doesn’t want to be a bother, so he doesn’t prod, because he knows better than to do that. After all, if Gwil really wanted to talk to him about all of this, he’d do it.

 

But Joe still manages to find time to talk to Ben, as well. It’s reassuring to know that Joe is there for both of them, supporting them along the way, just like Rami and Lucy do. Now that a little time has passed after the wedding, Joe seems a lot more determined to get Ben to open up and talk about all of this, making him realise what it really means to be married.

 

“We didn’t do a bachelor party! We’ll have to do that, obviously!” Joe grins at him, waggling his eyebrows before he looks at Gwil for a moment and then back at Ben. “I’m not sure if you two should do one together, but you’re married already, so it really doesn’t matter.”

 

“Joe, how much did you drink tonight?” Gwil asks, chuckling a little, his arm resting on the backrest of Ben’s chair.

 

“Not much, only one beer so far. That’s not the point.” Joe waves them off and rolls his eyes at Gwil. “A bachelor party is a must. And I’d be happy to organise it. After all, I’m best man.”

 

Ben shrugs. “I don’t remember that.”

 

“Well, I do, even if you don’t. I was yours, so shut up and let me talk.” Joe points his beer bottle in Ben’s general direction. “Can I please organise a bachelor party?”

 

“We practically had one after the Queen concert. Let it rest.” Gwil shakes his head and chuckles softly.

 

“There weren’t any strippers though. I’d want the Chippendales for you, or some other nice ripped men.”

 

“Oh my god.” Lucy laughs out loud at that and shakes her head. “The look on Ben’s face.”

 

Ben stares at them, his cheeks flushed and heated up. “We’re not having a stag do,” he says, making his voice sound as firmly and determinedly as he can. “No way.”

 

Gwil snickers at that and moves his hand up to give Ben’s shoulder a squeeze before he leans closer. “I promise I won’t let him do one,” he whispers to him, making Ben shiver a little when his beard scratches over the shell of his ear before he leans back again, his arm resting around Ben’s shoulders now.

 

“You’re no fun,” Joe complains and rolls his eyes again before he switches the topic, moving on to talk about Baseball, Ben isn’t quite sure because he zones out of the conversation, too busy trying to get his racing mind in order. At least they can joke about it these days. No matter how serious it is and how weird the situation makes all of them feel, joking around about it is something all of them seem to need.

 

Ben brings up his hand to rub over his ear where Gwil’s beard has scratches over the soft skin. It still tingles a little.

 

 

—

 

 

When they finally leave Las Vegas behind to move the next and thus to a new hotel it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Gwil and he get moved into the same room. Yet Ben ends up feeling a little blindsided by that because he’s thought they could keep up the appearance without having to share a room. They could have used the pretence that one of them snores, even if neither of them does. But in the end, everyone believes they actually got married out of love, so nobody even got the idea to ask if they wanted to sleep apart, probably thought they were doing them a favour by treating them like every other couple.

 

“Married people sleep in a hotel room, deal with it.” Joe happily pats his back as he walks past him and Ben glares at him but Gwil is quick to pull him away, handing him the second key card.

 

“I can sleep on the couch,” he tells him softly when they make their way to the lifts, his hand a steady weight in the small of Ben’s back, something he has gotten quite used to by now, even if it’s just been a few days.

 

“No, you’re not sleeping on the bloody couch.” Ben looks up at him, quite annoyed at the fact that Gwil would even offer something like that. “I haven’t seen it, but you’re probably too tall to fit on that thing anyway and we’ve shared before.”

 

Gwil chuckles, letting go of Ben just to press the button for the lift. “Thanks for keeping my health in mind. I’d probably get terrible back pain.”

 

“See. That’s why you’re not sleeping on the couch.” Ben nudges him and then follows him in the lift, this time placing his own hand in the small of Gwil’s back as he guides him along. “I’d make you sleep on the floor, if anything.”

 

Gwil laughs softly. “How generous of you. I’m just glad the floor is probably a plush carpet.” He holds the card in front of the reader before he presses the button for their floor. “But I’m hoping you won’t kick me out of bed anyway.”

 

In the end, Ben doesn’t kick him out of the bed. Of course he wouldn’t. But, as it turns out, Gwil is like a giant koala.

 

So when Ben wakes up the next morning, Gwil has practically wrapped himself around him during the course of the night. He’s cuddled up to Ben’s back, one leg swung over Ben’s while his arm is wrapped tightly around him and his hand squared out on Ben’s chest, holding him close. They’re pressed flush together from head to toe and Ben needs a moment to realise that it’s not a flashlight or something else that he’s feeling against his bum but actually Gwil’s morning wood.

 

He flushes bright red and carefully peels out of Gwil’s embrace. It makes him shift and roll onto his back and Ben lets out a soft breath. He grabs his phone to check the time and sighs. It’s still about half an hour before the alarm goes off. Carefully he places it back on the nightstand and then looks over his shoulder at Gwil, who is sleeping on peacefully again, not even bothered by Ben shifting out of his embrace.

 

Sure, Ben shouldn’t be surprised. Gwil is a man, after all, and morning wood is a normal thing the body does. He _knows_ that. He just quite didn’t know he’d get to feel it so close to his own body and that it wouldn’t turn him off, surprisingly. He probably should be weirded out by this, but he isn’t. He can’t help but blush a bit more as his gaze travels down over Gwil’s dressed-shirt clad upper body until it hits the duvet and where probably his groin is. Of course he doesn’t _see_ it, but he knows it’s still there and it makes Ben blush again that he’s even thinking about it. Gwil is his friend. He shouldn’t think about this, married or not.

 

He’s not bi, as far as he knows. Sure, he’s enjoyed his fair share of pegging and he definitely never came harder in his life than from that. But that doesn’t necessarily make him like men, too. He just likes it up the butt, sometimes, and that’s nothing he is ashamed of. And sure, maybe snogging Gwil wasn’t bad at all and maybe the memory of it makes Ben’s skin feel a little bit too tight, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to have sex with him. He probably just wants sex with someone. A woman, mostly. Although he’s not really sure about that anymore. He rubs over his face and then finally slips out of bed, making his way into the bathroom.

 

There’s no point in racking his brain about this. He won’t get any answers now and he’s not sure if he’ll ever get them.

 

He’s done and dressed and sitting on the couch in the room, playing a game on his phone, when Gwil gets woken up by the alarm and reaches for his bedside table to switch it off, groaning a little. “Fuck.” He lets out a soft breath and rubs over his face as well. It takes him a moment to realise Ben’s not in bed with him anymore and he looks over his shoulder, spotting him on the couch, phone in his hand. Or not really spotting Ben but guessing where he is. After all, there are still no glasses on his nose and judging from the way he is squinting his eyes at Ben, he doesn’t see anything at all.

 

Ben can’t help the soft chuckle that escapes his lips. “Morning. You look like you could use some more sleep?”

 

“Yeah. I could. Or could use a run.” Gwil grunts and then sits up to rub over his face again before he puts his glasses on his nose. His hair is sticking up in all different directions and his eyes look more than tired. “Took me forever to fall asleep.”

 

“Really? That’s a shame.” Ben frowns at that. “I was out like a light.”

 

“I noticed. Even though you were quite the restless sleeper.” Gwil looks over at him, almost glaring.

 

“I was not.”

 

“You were. Rolled from one side to the other. Until I pushed you onto your side. Then, instead of tossing around, you started mumbling something until I wrapped you up in my arms.” Gwil shrugs. “Then finally I could go to sleep as well.” He slips out of bed and makes his way over to his suitcase to find some clothes to wear for the day, clearly not interested in an answer from Ben.

 

Ben stares at him a little dumbfounded. That actually is a first for him. Normally he’s a sound sleeper and he’s never heard any complaints that he rolls around during the night. “Sorry.” He bites his lip and frowns a little because a grumpy Gwil is never fun to be around and Ben really doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of his wrath because he didn’t get enough beauty sleep.

 

Gwil sighs and shakes his head before he gets up and turns to look at Ben. “It’s okay. Not your fault. Sorry I snapped at you.” He gives him a soft smile. “It’s a bit much for both of us.”

 

Ben nods softly. “Yeah. And we’ll fly home tomorrow and I really don’t want to.” After all, facing their families is something they both dread, something that they try to avoid thinking or talking about, both of them. It’s not just him, but he noticed that Gwil didn’t say anything about that to him in the last few days either.

 

“Inevitable.” Gwil shrugs. “We’ll have to go through with that now.” With that he turns and makes his way to the bathroom, leaving Ben to look after him. Sure, maybe he deserved that. Gwil has been nothing but supportive these last days and the whole situation is taking a toll on him, too, so on top of not sleeping well, he’s got to deal with a whiny Ben. But Ben hates it when people are cross with him and he really can’t deal with a grumpy Gwil right now.

 

Not with everything that is going on, not with the amount of love Ben always needs. He just needs to be reassured that Gwil isn’t angry with him for being an arse, basically. And he knows he’s overreacting, but it turns his stomach to think that Gwil could end up hating him after all, for all of this. Joe said he wouldn’t, but faced with Gwil’s mood this morning, and knowing that he’s the reason for it, wakes up old worries again. But he doesn’t know how to handle this either, and he’s been so glad that Gwil has been calm and reassuring during these last chaotic days. So of course he’s got to let Gwil have his grumpy five minutes after not getting enough sleep. He’s got to be as supportive as Gwil is for him. They are married, after all, and that means that they’ll support each other no matter what. Not that Ben wouldn’t have done it anyway, even if they weren’t married right now. Gwil is his friend, and friends support each other.

 

With a sigh he makes his way over to the fancy Nespresso machine in the room, trying to figure out how it works, so he can make Gwil a coffee at least. He wants to be there for him, to give him something back for always being so calm and understanding when Ben is freaking out or having one of his moments. Gwil is really trying hard to hold himself together, and Ben doesn’t know what else to do, to make Gwil not hate him.

 

When Gwil comes back out of the bathroom he’s dressed in a nice pair of jeans, as well as a t-shirt, looking a lot better. He pulls his jumper over his head and runs a hand through his hair before smoothening it back down. Ben worries his lip between his teeth and eyes him for a moment, waiting for Gwil to say something or do something. But when he doesn’t, Ben sighs softly and gets up off the couch. “Look, Gwil, I’m sorry.” He stops in front of Gwil and looks up at him carefully. “I mean it. And I don’t know how you can just be so positive and calm about everything all the time? That’s... I’d want to do that for you, too, but I’m not sure I can.”

 

Gwil sighs and pats the space on the bed next to him, waiting for Ben to sit down before he turns to him and places his hand on Ben’s knee. “We can’t change what we did. We can’t take it back. We can only make the best of the situation and it will include some really tough situations, especially when it comes to our families. But we’ll have to push through that. That, or we’ll have to tell the truth and I’m not sure if I can handle that.” He gives him a small smile, clearly trying to lighten the mood after his words. “At least we’re not some random strangers, huh?”

 

Ben chuckles softly and places his hand over Gwil’s to give it a soft squeeze. “So you’re not mad at me?”

 

“No. I just need a bit of coffee and some breakfast.” Gwil pulls him into a hug, gently rubbing over Ben’s back. “Switch off your head from time to time, Ben. It’ll do you some good. And you’ll get wrinkles from frowning too much. Can’t let that ruin your good looks.”

 

With a soft laugh Ben sinks against him and closes his eyes. He loves Gwil’s hugs. They’re always warm and comforting and strong in the right places and soft when they need to be. They are simply perfect. Since Gwil is taller than Ben, it means he easily wraps Ben up in his arms, making him feel safe and secure. He can let himself fall with him. Sure, he could do it before, but now that he’s been spending more time with Gwil, it means that Ben got to learn new sides of him.

 

He wraps his arms around him in return and hides his face against Gwil’s jumper for a moment. Gwil is right. Maybe he does need to clear his mind a little. It doesn’t help that he’s always over-thinking everything and trying to interpret too much into things.

 

“I made you a coffee,” he mumbles against the fabric of his jumper, gently rubbing his hand over Gwil’s back, still a little unwilling to let him go.

 

Gwil chuckles softly. “Offering an olive branch, huh?” He presses a gentle kiss to the side of Ben’s head and then pulls out of their embrace. “You really didn’t need to do that. But it’s nice, so thank you.” With that he gets up to make his way over to the desk and grab the cup, sniffing on it before he takes a small sip and then lets out a delighted groan. “Fucking perfect.”

 

Ben watches him with a smile and bites his lip. At least there’s something good he managed to do in all of this. “Well, it’s a start.” He chuckles softly and then slides off the bed as well, making his way over to him while Gwil finishes off the coffee. “The others are probably waiting already. Breakfast’s waiting, too.” He’s not sure what to do, so he gently places his hand on Gwil’s arm when he puts down the mug.

 

It earns him a smile from Gwil and he wraps his arm around Ben’s shoulders for a moment, squeezing him against his side. “Let’s face the music then,” he whispers and then gives him a gentle nudge in the right direction, the two of them making their way out of the room together.

 

As predicted, the others are already waiting for them with their breakfast. Once Gwil has had his second coffee he seems like a human being again and he’s back to his old self, joking around with them and bringing up a snarky comment every now and then, just like he normally does. It makes Ben smile as he leans back in his chair, taking in Gwil properly, allowing his mind to finally go back to the thoughts of this morning, now that all traces of the unpleasantness of Gwil’s grumpy wake-up are gone.

 

He’s got a nice profile, too, a very nice jawline and his lips are softer than they look, Ben knows from personal experience. He can’t properly remember what his beard felt like against his skin, but he knows that Gwil’s beard is not overly scratchy, just feeling a little differently on his face. It did scratch over his ear when Gwil whispered into it, but that’s something different. Gwil definitely is a very handsome man and Ben finds his mind wandering back to their kiss. He really liked it, not because he hasn’t been kissed in a while – or like that ever before – but because he actually enjoyed kissing Gwil and liked feeling his lips against his and Gwil’s tongue in his mouth, his hand on his face and—

 

“Ben?”

 

Ben blinks, his gaze focusing on Gwil again, who gives him a half worried, half amused look. “You alright?”

 

“Yeah. Sure. Sorry. Thinking.” He taps against his forehead, making Joe laugh out loud at that.

 

“Did it hurt?”

 

Ben rolls his eyes and laughs as well. “No, I’ll have you know, it did not.”

 

“I told you, stop doing that.” Gwil chuckles and nudges Ben slightly with his knee under the table, his eyes sparkling when Ben looks at him and he waggles his eyebrows at him.

 

It makes Ben laugh and roll his eyes but he nudges Gwil’s leg back anyway, just to make sure there are no hard feelings. These little situations always remind him that they’re still them and that it won’t change, no matter how long they have to go through with this. They are still friends. They know each other. They support each other. And it doesn’t matter if Ben might be feeling a little confused about maybe liking to kiss Gwil once more, and maybe finding him attractive, it is not going to change that Gwil is still his friend and they care deeply for each other.

 

Ben just needs to get his act together, that is all.

 

After they’ve done another round of interviews for the day that went by as uneventful as the ones before that, they get to go on a final dinner together before they’re all supposed to get another night of rest and then fly home, get to spend a few days in good old England before the press tour will be continued. Ben can’t say how much he dreads going home actually. He really doesn’t want to meet up with his family and with Gwil’s and look into their mothers’ disappointed faces. But, Gwil was right about one thing this morning, they really need to man up and pull through with it. They are not going to get out of this situation anyway and he’s sure they will somehow manage together.

 

From what Ben knows, Gwil and his flights have been rearranged to the early hours of the morning, so they can fly back together and it makes it a little easier, knowing he won’t have to face the paps alone – even though they’re still nothing compared to what other celebs go through, no matter how the echo of them spontaneously getting married hit the news.

 

When it’s time to part ways at last, Joe wraps him up in a tight embrace and rubs over his back. “Call me whenever you need to, alright? And don’t freak out too much.”

 

Ben buries his face in Joe’s shoulder for a moment and closes his eyes, basking in the comfort he’s offering him, before he nods and squeezes him back. “Not gonna freak out, promised.” He leans back to smile at him, trying to sell it as believable as possible. He definitely will not freak out about this situation. He’s made a promise to himself, and he owes it to Gwil, that he cannot freak out about this.

 

“Good. And if you’re close to, call me. And call me anyway, even if you’re not about to freak out. Can’t let me forget your beautiful voice, right?” Joe squeezes him again and then steps away from him before he makes his way over to Gwil. Ben watches them hug as well and Joe say something quietly to Gwil, making him chuckle. When Gwil looks up and their eyes meet, Ben feels himself blush a little and quickly he averts his eyes before he turns his attention to Rami and Lucy, who are both waiting for him to say their goodbyes to him as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I just had to, haha! Well, Ben, you just need to get your act together. That's all. Of course.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO LOVELIES! <3 I'm really happy you like this fic so much, you have no idea how happy this makes me! This is the longest WIPs I have ever done in my fandom career. Hee.  
> Here's the newest chapter, and while you're here, don't forget to check out the fic [Thank the lucky stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18546481) I've written with the lovely [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com)!  
> As usual, she read over the chapter again and is the best beta in the world.

The flight itself is uneventful. Ben sleeps for most of the time and if he doesn’t, he watches a movie. Gwil does more or less the same. It’s calming to know that they can spent so much time together in a confined space while under pressure of keeping up the pretence of their marriage. But as Ben has discovered, it’s not much different from what they have done before. Only now their little touches are filled with purpose, showing the people on the plane, who might be paying attention, that they belong together. They don’t just travel together as colleagues anymore, they now are travelling as husbands.

 

Gwil grabs his hand and links their fingers together once they have sat down in their seats, and the simple gesture makes Ben’s skin tingle. He looks over to him, unable to hold back the smile that is forming on his lips. Gwil just smiles back and squeezes his hand. “Go to sleep, babe.” The pet name sends a shiver down Ben’s spine and he puts his ear buds in, leaning back into the seat and closes his eyes. He doesn’t know why he reacts so strongly to Gwil, but he loves the warmth that spreads out inside him, and he blames it on the adrenaline of having to keep up the pretence of being married. It’s nothing else, surely.

 

Gwil leans in and tugs the blanket higher, making sure that Ben is securely tucked in and he brings his hand up to stroke his fingers gently over Ben’s cheek, just a tiny gesture that makes Ben’s heart flutter a little. “I’ll wake you when we’re about to land,” he promises, his voice quiet and close to Ben’s ear and Ben just hums in response, not trusting his voice.

 

When it’s finally time, Gwil gently shakes his shoulder and Ben slowly blinks his eyes open, giving him a sleepy smile. “Hey,” he croaks out and clears his throat before he rubs over his eyes.

 

“Hey.” Gwil smiles back at him as he watches Ben wake up, a fond look on his face. “Less than half an hour until we land. I wanted to let you know, as promised.”

 

Ben hums and blinks again, until Gwil comes fully in focus. “Thanks. What did you do? Slept as well?”

 

“Nah, I couldn’t. Read a bit, watched a movie and thought, mostly.” Gwil smiles and reaches out to squeeze Ben’s shoulder. “It’s fine though, Ben. Don’t look at me like that.”

 

“I didn’t even do anything,” Ben mumbles and frowns, tilting his head to the side. When Gwil says these things, it just drives home for Ben that Gwil is thinking about all of this mess more than he wants to let on. And while Ben gets that Gwil doesn’t want to burden him or bother him by talking about it, he wants to be there for him as well. “You know, you can talk to me too?” He offers then, his voice quiet.

 

“I know.” Gwil smiles and gently cups Ben’s cheek, the touch sending a shiver down Ben’s spine once more. “There’s just not much I can talk about right now. But I know that, Ben.”

 

Ben isn’t overly convinced that Gwil will talk to him, so he just nods instead of talking back. It’s the easiest solution and while he wants to be there for him, he can’t force him. Gwil is old enough to make his own decisions. No matter if Ben likes them or not.

 

They get picked up by a car, the driver waiting for them at the airport and luckily there are no obvious paparazzi waiting for them at the exit in Heathrow, leaving Ben a little calmer. Of course he knows that they are probably taking pictures from afar – but that still feels different than having them up close.

 

When he gets dropped off at his house, he quickly leans in to give Gwil a more or less awkward hug and then gets out of the car before he can get too sentimental. After all, he’s not been on his own since all of this happened, not really, at least. And he’s not sure how this will play out when he finally is. He’s known for being in his head too much and he’ll probably overthink everything again. After all, it’s only been a few days since they got married and Ben isn’t really sure how to handle the situation all on his own. But he knows that he’ll have to figure this out for himself, that he can’t rely on Gwil’s calming presence for everything. He’s a grown man. He needs to start acting like a grown-up.

 

Gwil gives him a wave when the car pulls off and Ben waves back shortly before he makes his way inside the house. As soon as the door falls closed behind him, Ben lets out a short breath. It’s too quiet – Frankie is with a sitter for now and he doesn’t have the heart to pick her up if he’s only going to stay for a few days and then bring her back again, leaving for more promo.

 

Instead of sitting down and giving himself time to think about his feelings or the whole situation or why he is too confused about Gwil, he takes his suitcase and deliberately carries it into the direction of the washing machine. Doing the laundry will help him keep his mind off everything, at least for a short while. It’s the first time that Ben actually is looking forward to doing housework.

 

It helps a bit, but Ben is still restless and he’s not even sure why exactly. Maybe it’s because the seriousness of the situation is finally sinking in, now that he’s on his own. After all, they are married to each other now. They need to pretend to be in love and more than happy for almost everyone in their lives. The only people that know that this isn’t real are Joe, Rami and Lucy. With them it makes things easier and Ben thinks they maybe should tell Allen as well. He’s part of their family, he should know, even though he can’t join them for most of the press tour. He’ll have to ask Gwil about it, and hopefully he won’t forget it.

 

Gwil and he text a bit in the evening; both of them agreeing on meeting up with their families as soon as possible. They also agree that they need sleep and at least another day to process this, but both of them come to the conclusion that the sooner they do it, the better. So they agree on meeting up on the day after so they can drive south to Ben’s family. Since Gwil doesn’t own a car, Ben urges him to use the tube, so he doesn’t have to drive through half of London himself – a bloody world trip – only to make the way back out of town.

 

 

—

 

 

Ben uses the next day to get rid of his jetlag, lie low and get used to being married, even though it’s nothing special, as he tries to remind himself. After all, they didn’t marry out of love, they married because they were drunk and stupid and thought it was funny, or a good idea. He doesn’t even remember.

 

He ends up calling Joe anyway, just like he promised, not because he’s freaking out, but because he really wants and needs to talk to him. Joe always manages to calm him down, no matter what he is up to, and Ben very much appreciates that.

 

“Have you met the family yet?” Joe asks, while Ben keeps fiddling with the hem of his jumper.

 

“No, not yet. I told you. My family tomorrow, Gwil’s the day after. We’ll do a family meeting marathon.” Ben brings up his thumb to chew on the nail a little. He’s nervous, not sure how his family will react to Gwil. Of course, they will like him, Ben is sure about that. But there is still a little voice in the back of his head that is telling him that maybe they won’t get along or they’ll be too disappointed and let it show. On top of that, he’s very nervous to meet Gwil’s family. After all, he’s got quite a few older siblings and Ben doesn’t really want to face anyone’s wrath. Of course he doesn’t think they’ll be angry with them, not really at least. They’ll probably be just as disappointed with them as Ben’s family will be.

 

“It’ll be fine, Ben. Don’t worry.” Joe’s soft voice pulls him out of his thoughts again. “Your family will love Gwil and vice versa. You’re both great with people. And Gwil is very charming, he’s the perfect son-in-law. And you’re everyone’s dream of a son-in-law, too, of course.”

 

Ben snorts at that. “Good safe. And I know, I know. I don’t know why I’m so anxious about all of that. We’re both actors. We’ll be fine. It’s just that...”

 

“It’s weird lying to your family, right?”

 

Ben sighs. “Yeah. I never lied to them. And I never thought I’d have to lie about something like this... I mean, you’re supposed to be in love with the person you marry, and... I, well... I love Gwil. I do. But...”

 

“Not like this?”

 

“Yeah.” Ben flushes a little when he admits it, bringing his thumb up to his mouth again. He feels like an arse, especially since Gwil has been nothing but nice to him. But then neither of them has feelings for the other, as far as Ben knows, so he doesn’t have to have a bad conscience. They just both have to put up a brave face and power through this, making sure to come out of this without hurting their families or the people around them. It will be weird when they get a divorce again, especially after they do so much to sell this right and everyone around them thinks and will think that this is the real deal.

 

 

—

 

 

Meeting the families goes better than Ben expected actually. His mother is delighted to meet Gwil as soon as he’s through the door, carrying flowers and all, and she is charmed by him in no time, scolding Ben immediately for not bringing him home much sooner.

 

“Thank you for having us, Mrs—” Gwil starts, but is immediately interrupted by Ben’s mother.

 

“None of that.” She places her hand in the small of Gwil’s back while she tells him to call her by her first name, making Gwil smile politely and nod as she guides him into the living room.

 

His dad is looking a lot grumpier about his than he wants to admit, but he offers Gwil his first name as well and compliments Ben on picking a good husband, making Gwil grin at Ben and wrap his arm around him and pull him against his side.

 

Ben tries hard not to roll his eyes but he’s glad that his parents aren’t trying to skin him alive for doing something so reckless and he loves that Gwil just easily navigates through the conversation, avoiding anything that could be interpreted as suspicious and in general is the most perfect son-in-law his parents will ever have. Ben is surprised and a little stunned, he’s got to admit.

 

He knows that Gwil is a good actor, of course. He also knows that Gwil is charming and polite and knows how to wrap everyone around his finger, with the amount of attention he gives his counterpart in a conversation. Ben just didn’t quite know he was this amazing at it.

 

It amazes him but also terrifies him for meeting Gwil’s family the next day because he’s not sure he can pull something like that off just as well as Gwil, making Ben almost a little envious of how easily Gwil manages to navigate through lunch and tea in the afternoon. He’s like the perfect son-in-law, complementing Gwil’s mother on the food she’s cooked and the cake she’s made. He asks about the recipe and is more than charming. He talks rugby and cricket with Ben’s dad, listening to stories of Ben and his brother when they were little and his father took them to see the Arsenal play.

 

Over all, Gwil is doing amazing and Ben can’t help but stare at him, taking in how easily this seems to come to him, how at ease he seems in Ben’s parents’ sitting room.

 

When it’s time to leave, his mother pulls Ben aside and smiles up at him, gently patting his cheek. “You’ve found yourself a wonderful husband, Ben. Hold onto him. He’s definitely a keeper,” she tells him and squeezes him gently and Ben can’t help but smile back, thanking her for the compliment, because yes, Gwil definitely seems like the perfect husband. He’s been nothing but kind to Ben so far and he’s been great to his parents as well. Ben feels almost bad when he thinks about them getting a divorce in the future.

 

In the car back to London he looks over to Gwil, taking him in for a moment, the relaxed posture and the easy smile on his lips. He looks back on the road and grips the steering wheel a little tighter. “My parents loved you. Mum told me you’re the perfect son-in-law.”

 

Gwil laughs softly at that. “Well, good. I loved your parents, too. Your mum is lovely and I love your father’s humour. I see where you’ve got yours from.”

 

Ben can’t help but laugh at that as well. “Yeah. I guess.” He swallows and licks over his lips. He’ll have to leave a good impression with Gwil’s parents as well. The sheer amount of people he’ll have to meet scares him a little, but he’s sure he’ll make the most and best of it. Gwil deserves that, not only as his friend, but as his husband as well.

 

 

—

 

 

As it turns out, Ben’s fears are needless. Gwil’s family are amazing and they take him in with open arms, no one is giving anyone a hard time and Ben feels welcomed immediately. Gwil’s mother hands him a pair of knitted socks and Ben takes them with a thanks before he gives Gwil a puzzled look.

 

“I might’ve told my mother that you get cold easily,” Gwil admits quietly, and almost a little bit sheepishly, his hand rubbing over the small of his back.

 

Ben chuckles softly and squeezes Gwil’s leg under the table, giving him a gentle smile, before he turns back to smile at Gwil’s mother. “They’re lovely, thank you.” He really means it. It’s been a while since he got excited over getting a pair of socks, but the thought alone makes him smile more than he wants to admit. But right now they show he’s a part of the family as well, that Gwil’s mother cares about his comfort, her son-in-law’s comfort. Ben takes the socks and places them on his lap, not knowing where to put them right now, and looks up when Gwil’s sister asks him if he’d like coffee or tea with his cake.

 

“Oh, coffee. I’m not much of a tea drinker,” Ben admits with a chuckle, and shrugs.

 

“A proper Englishman and he hates tea. I’m not sure I’ve made the right decision to say yes,” Gwil remarks then and brings his hand up to rub it over Gwil’s back, grinning at him.

 

“Ah, don’t listen to that old git. He doesn’t know a thing. Good choice. Dad makes the best coffee in the world,” Gwil’s sister tells Ben and winks at him, making Ben laugh and place his hand on Gwil’s thigh to give it a gentle squeeze.

 

Gwil just looks happy, not like he minds his sister’s insult in the slightest and he hugs Ben a little tighter.

 

After tea the facetime Gwil’s other siblings – because only his sister and her family could make it to coffee – and his oldest brother demands a meeting in London soon. If Ben remembers correctly he’s a doctor, Gwil mentioned something along the lines. They promise to meet up soon, if their schedules allow it and Ben smiles through all of it, trying to be as polite and charming as his mother raised him to be.

 

They excuse themselves when it’s already dark outside, having a two and a half hour drive ahead of them. Gwil’s mother wraps Ben up in a tight hug and rubs over his back. “It was nice to meet you. Please do come by more often.”

 

Ben just smiles and returns the hug. “Of course. If our schedules allow it. It’ll be a bit hectic the next few months, with the promo and premieres and all. But you’ll come down to London for the premiere, Gwil said.” He leans back to smile at her, only to get a nod in response.

 

“Of course. We wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world.”

 

Ben smiles a little more at that and then moves over so Gwil can hug his mother as well. Once they have finished their goodbyes Gwil takes Ben’s hand and laces their fingers together and they make their way to the car, waving back to the others standing by the door. Ben lets out a relieved breath at that.

 

In the end, they got through meeting the families without having to kiss once and Ben is equally relieved as he is disappointed by it. He can count the times that they have kissed on one hand, and Ben can only remember one of these times anyway and by now he can admit to himself that he’d really like to try and kiss him again, mainly because he wants to know if it’s as good as he remembers it to be or if it’s really not that good and Ben has just projected his loneliness into his longing.

 

Not that he longs for Gwil. Not really. At least Ben doesn’t think he is. Sure, he likes it when Gwil touches him and the way he looks at Ben like he’s the best thing in the world. But he’s definitely not sure about the sexual attraction – kisses, yes, that’s _different_. Those can happen with anyone and Ben has made it work more times than he can count, with women or with guys on stage. But he isn’t that sure if Gwil really turns him on and he’s got no clue how to find that out. Not that he needs to. But it would be interesting to know.

 

Of course Gwil is not an experiment for Ben. He could never be. He loves that man. Gwil is one of his best friends and Ben just wants to make sure, to rule out that he could really be physically attracted to him. If he finds out that he is truly attracted to Gwil, he will need to think of something. But he’ll figure it out when the time arrives.

 

Physical attraction would make this whole mess even messier, Ben thinks. And he’s not sure he is prepared for that already. He’s not even sure he’s prepared for going through with this at all. Having to pretend to be in love with someone you’re not is hard enough. Finding out that you might be attracted to them on top of that is an entirely different story.

 

Ben might just be confused. After all, the last days have been more than eventful. And while there must have been a reason that his drunk self wanted to get married to Gwil, he doesn’t necessarily think it was because he was genuinely interested in him. It probably was because he was lonely and missed having someone.

 

“A penny for your thoughts?” Gwil asks, pulling him out of his thoughts in the car on the way back to London.

 

Ben glances at him for a moment before he fixes his eyes back on the road. “I just thought that the last days have been a lot.”

 

Gwil hums at that. “They were. But you did great. My mum loves you already. I don’t think you’ll be able to get rid of her again.”

 

“Your mum is great,” Ben tells him and chuckles softly. “Your whole family is. I’ve got to admit that I was a bit intimidated by the sheer number of people there. But they’re all great.”

 

“Well, yeah. We’re a bunch, and it wasn’t even all of us in the house today.” Gwil laughs a little. “But I’m glad you like them. Means a lot to me.” He sounds almost wistful at that and Ben shoots him another glance. The look on Gwil’s face is unreadable and Ben frowns a little before he looks back on the road.

 

“Of course,” he just says, mainly because he doesn’t know what to say, and then falls silent again. Since Gwil doesn’t say anything either, they keep mostly silent for the rest of the car ride, both of them dwelling on their thoughts. It’s not a bad silence though, Ben doesn’t feel awkward about it, but he isn’t sure what to say either. It’s probably due to the fact that they met the other’s family in such a short span of time, after so much that has happened and on top of not having feelings for each other. At least that’s what Ben is trying to tell himself. After all, meeting Gwil’s family was nice and they took him in with open arms, making him feel like he really belongs in that family, even though technically he doesn’t. But they don’t know that and neither Ben nor Gwil will let them know.

 

Once Ben has parked the car in front of his house and they both got out, Gwil wraps him up in a tight hug. “Night, Ben. Thanks for today.”

 

Ben blinks at that as he sinks against him, resting his head on Gwil’s shoulder and closes his eyes for a brief moment to enjoy the hug. “No worries,” he replies and squeezes him back. “It’s what friends are for.”

 

Gwil chuckles at that and after another squeeze he leans back to smile at Ben. “Yeah.” He squeezes his arm and then finally steps back fully, putting a bit of distance between them. Ben almost misses his touches. “I’ll call you? We’ll need to arrange meeting the friends and all.”

 

“Yeah, sure.” Ben smiles back at him and nods at that. He’s dreading that meeting as well, mainly because he did get a lot of confused messages by his friends, asking him if he is really serious about marrying a man. He hasn’t really replied to most yet, but he knows that he’ll have to introduce them, one way or another. Gwil will be a part of Ben’s life for the foreseeable future and while they’ll be away a lot for promo and other project, it still means that they’ll be around a lot when they are both in London.

 

“Alright.” Gwil nods. “I’ll be going then.” He points behind him and smiles a little tightly, making Ben frown. Maybe he should invite Gwil in. After all, he hasn’t seen his new flat yet and they are married now. Gwil is supposed to know how Ben lives. Both of their families have asked them if they have decided to move in together yet, and which flat they’re going to choose to live in. Gwil has managed to avoid answering the question as good as possible, pointing out that they have busy schedules and that they haven’t thought about that yet because their marriage itself has been a bit spontaneous. It’s the best answer they could have given, but Ben realised then that they need to talk about that. They need to figure out where they’re going to live and how to make it look like they’re really in love with each other, starting their new life as newlyweds.

 

The moment passes before Ben can react and he smiles back instead, giving him a short wave. “Yeah. We’ll talk.” He watches Gwil wave at him and then he turns around before he makes his way down the road to the nearest tube station.

 

Ben needs a moment to catch his breath before he turns to the house as well and makes his way inside, trying to get his racing mind to stop. Somehow this was way more awkward than he thought it would turn out. He’ll just have to keep himself busy for the rest of the evening or he will end up dwelling on this awkward goodbye for hours. He knows himself well enough for that.

 

It doesn’t work too well, though, so when Ben lies in his bed that night, alone, he can’t help but let his mind wander. Maybe he should have invited Gwil in. It’s the polite thing to do. Married or not, Gwil is his friend, and Ben likes to treat his friends right, which includes inviting them up. Even if it’s just for a glass of water after the car ride before he sends Gwil on his way via tube. Or maybe he should have dropped him off at his place after all, put the ball in Gwil’s court instead. Maybe Gwil wouldn’t have invited him in either. But of course Ben knows that that’s a stupid thought. Of course Gwil would’ve asked him up, for a glass of water, or something stronger. He’d offered Ben his couch to kip at, or his bed, and made sure that Ben was okay, after an evening like this.

 

Ben feels stupid about this. He knows how this works, normally he’d been a great friend to Gwil and he’d make sure he’s okay. He didn’t even ask him if he was okay after meeting Ben’s family. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him.

 

He groans and rolls onto his side, burying his face in his pillow. Somehow this is weirder than Ben would have thought. He doesn’t quite know what he has thought at all, or how he has pictured everything to go, but definitely not as awkward as things have ended now. He feels like a crappy husband, and on top of that, he feels like an even crappier friend. Gwil has been nothing but good to him and Ben treats him like shit.

 

He fumbles out his phone and unlocks it. His finger hovers over Gwil’s chat on WhatApp and finally he taps on it, typing out a text. He deletes and retypes it several times before he finally settles on a version. “ _Hope you got home safely. Sorry I didn’t ask you up or dropped you of at your place. I didn’t even think of that. Good Night. X_ ”

 

“ _Don’t worry, it’s fine. Got home okay. I’m having a beer. I’d tell you to come over but it’s a world trip away. We need to talk about moving soon. Night, sweet dreams. X_ ”

 

Ben stares at the text and sighs. Gwil is right. They do need to talk about that. Ben has thought the same thing. He worries his lip between his teeth and frowns at the screen for a moment before he types out a “ _We’ll talk about that soon. It’s not just me though. Got Frankie, too._ ”

 

“ _Doesn’t matter. My flat’s and bed’s big enough._ ”

 

Ben nearly drops the phone as he blushes furiously. Of course that’s not what Gwil meant, and he knows it. He’s told him about Frankie and her inability to sleep in her basket, spoiled little dog. That’s what Gwil is referring to. Either way, it creates images in Ben’s head he’s not quite ready for yet. And even though he has shared a bed with Gwil before, last but not least just recently after getting married, living with someone and sleeping in the same bed, is an entirely different story.

 

“ _She’ll steal all the space._ ” He texts him back and then turns the phone around, not sure if he really wants to keep texting with Gwil. He should sleep. This, whatever they’re doing, this weird kind of flirting via text, is not doing anything for them, it only leaves Ben just feeling a little more confused about everything.

 

He takes a deep breath and finally stretches out on the bed. He’ll need to sleep. This is leading to nothing. His thoughts are running in circles and he’s just going to confuse himself a lot more if he keeps thinking about it. But no matter what he tries to tell himself, they definitely will have to move in with each other at one point. And right now it should happen sooner rather than later, mostly because people expect them to, but also because their schedules still allow it, while in a few weeks the premieres run around and they’ll be busy all over the planet.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO. I'm a bit late, again, but I've been on holiday and I was in a notspot, so I didn't even have cell reception to text someone. BUT here I am, and I hope there are still some people who are with me and excited for this, haha. I promise I'm not abandoning this story! I love it too much for that and the poor sweethearts need a happy ending - it will come! I promise you this.
> 
> Another big thanks goes to [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) for being the best person and beta in the world, making sure I add everything that is in my head but I hadn't put into words before, haha.

He calls Joe again the next day, mainly because he needs to talk to someone who is involved in this as well that isn’t Gwil.

 

“Hey buddy. How’re you holding up?” Joe greets him immediately, his voice chipper and excited, somehow.

 

Ben can help but smile. “Not beating around the bush, are you?” He asks back and shakes his head fondly. “I’m okay. It’s all a bit weird. We met the families already.”

 

“Yeah, I heard. Apparently you’re son-in-law of the month with the Lees.”

 

“That’s just because I’m new and interesting. But Gwil’s mum made me a pair of socks, which was really nice and thoughtful.” Ben bites his lip and smiles, thinking back about the meeting and how nice Gwil’s family have been to him, how included he felt. But if Joe has heard about this already, it means that Gwil has talked to him as well. Of course Ben knows that Gwil needs to talk to someone, but hearing it now just drives the realisation home. He’s not even sure why he’s jealous, but he’d like Gwil to talk with him, even though he isn’t better himself and he’s not talking about this with Gwil either.

 

“Maybe. But you’re amazing. And you’re good looking. You’re a catch. And Gwil’s mother knows it,” Joe says, making Ben laugh at that.

 

“Thanks for the compliment. Don’t let my husband hear it, or he’ll get jealous.”

 

“Oh, I can make you as many compliments as I want, watch me. And just for the record, I can do the same to your husband, you can’t stop me.” Joe laughs as well and Ben imagines him shaking his head. “Anyway, all jokes aside. How are you really, Ben?”

 

Ben bites his lip due to the worry that swings along with Joe’s voice and he can’t help but close his eyes for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. “I’m a bit confused, I think? I mean, Gwil’s my friend, right?”

 

“Of course he is.”

 

“So, why would I think marrying him would be a good idea? I’m still stuck on that. You don’t go around and marry your friends on a whim, do you?”

 

“Normally not, no.”

 

“So something made me think that it’s a good day to get married and that Gwil is the right person to get married to, right?”

 

“Oh Ben.” Joe sighs softly, his voice gentle. “You’ve been racking your brains out with this, haven’t you?”

 

Ben hums softly in agreement and closes his eyes. Joe knows him better than he wants to admit, of course he does. But the whole thing, the marriage and wanting to kiss Gwil, maybe, is giving Ben no rest. He needs to figure this out for himself or he’ll go completely insane. “Yeah. I mean... I didn’t ask you to marry me, did I? And you’re one of my best friends. I asked Gwil. There must have been a reason for that? Other than he’s there and available and didn’t run for the hills when I asked him.”

 

“Do you think that there might be more from your side?” Joe asks gently, sounding like he’s trying to voice his thoughts carefully. He’s a good man, Ben knows it, and no matter how loud and impulsive he seems at times, Joe definitely knows how to handle a situation delicately when it’s needed. And Ben definitely needs delicate right now.

 

“I don’t know.” Ben frowns and looks up at the ceiling. “I mean, I think I want to kiss him? Which is good, right? But I’m not sure if I do because I really want to or because I want to find out if it’s as good as I remember. I... We snogged when we were drunk and got married? But we haven’t done anything since then. And I can’t just go to Gwil and say, hey I wanna kiss you, please let me?”

 

“Well, you could? It’s not that Gwil would turn you down, Ben.”

 

Ben snorts at that. “Still, I don’t want to do that. And he’ll have to meet my friends soon, in the next days, which means I’ll have to sell this right. Meeting the parents is one thing, but the friends are an entirely different story. I mean, they know you best, right?”

 

Joe chuckles softly. “I’m sure Gwil will manage. He’s a great guy. And your friends are great as well, from what you’ve told me. Not that I like them, because you’re not allowed to have any other friends but me. And well, maybe Gwil. And Rami and Lucy. And Allen. But that’s it.”

 

Ben laughs softly. “Thanks, Joe. Speaking of Allen... Do you think we should tell him?”

 

“Well...” Joe makes a short pause, obviously thinking about it. “He’s a good guy and he’d understand. If you want him to be involved in this, you should tell him. He’ll support you no matter what. But ask Gwil first.”

 

“Of course!” Ben is almost affronted by this. “I wouldn’t do it without Gwil’s consent anyway. We’ll have to do it together. But it’s good to know that you think about it the same way as I do.”

 

“We’re basically the same. So of course I think like you. Well, the same except for the married to Gwil part.” Joe laughs at that. “Are you feeling a bit better now?”

 

“I am. Thanks. I’m still a little confused about everything, especially the snogging thing. But as I told you, I don’t know whether that’s because I really want to snog him or because I just think that I want to because I miss snogging in general?”

 

Joe chuckles softly. “You’re giving this way too much thought, Ben. Just... do it, if the situation feels right? I mean, you’ve got to kiss for the public anyway. Might just as well use a situation that presents itself when you’re out with friends or so.”

 

Ben hums at that. “Yeah, I might just as well do that,” he agrees and nods, even though Joe can’t see him, trying to figure out when a situation like that will arise. He’ll have to call Gwil to ask him when he’s got time to meet his friends and he’ll have to organise a meeting, making sure as many of his friends as possible have time. More people also mean less scrutiny since they will be able to distract each other, too. Ben is counting on that, at least.

 

“Have you talked about moving in together yet?” Joe asks then, pulling Ben out of his thoughts. He blinks and turns his head to the side. It startles him a little, he’s got to admit, and he’s not sure if he’s given it too much thought, or too little.

 

“Um... No, not really? I mean, our families have asked, but we’ve worked our way around it more or less smoothly. Has Gwil said something to you?”

 

“Not really. But I’ve asked him the same thing. And it’s something you should consider. After all, you’re supposed to be in love with each other and living together could also save rent. Not that either of you particularly needs it. But London is an expensive place and it’s convenient to live together. Talk to him about it?”

 

Ben frowns at that. “Um, yeah, sure. I’ll keep that in mind and will talk to him about it. Promised.”

 

“Good. And now let me tell you about that idea for Instagram that I have.”

 

Ben can’t help but laugh at that, the easy way Joe manages to change the subject without even trying to be subtle about it. He leans back into the cushions of the couch he is sitting on and listens to his rambling. It reminds him that some things never change and no matter how weird things are going and how confused he is, Joe will always be there for him.

 

 

—

 

 

Ben manages to arrange a meeting with Gwil and his friends for the following Friday night, making sure most of them have time to meet up in a familiar pub somewhere in London. It’s different than meeting the family when they meet up with Ben’s friends though. They aren’t won over so easily, giving both of them the weird eye, making it clear what they are thinking about hearing all of this from the papers instead of Ben himself. After all, Ben has never before mentioned Gwil other than in a context of work or friendship and these people in front of them now know him better than he knows himself, sometimes.

 

Ben isn’t sure who of them is more nervous about the whole evening, Gwil or him. Because while Gwil might seem cool and relaxed and friendly on the outside, it’s hard to imagine he’s actually this relaxed about it. And Ben knows him quite well by now, knows what to look for and read in Gwil’s body language. He keeps fiddling with his fingers, wringing them together every one in a while, and the nervous habit he’s picked up to play with his wedding ring give it away. Gwil is definitely on egde.

 

But Gwil busy the first round, telling Ben’s friends it’s his way of apologising for meeting this way, since they tied the knot rather spontaneously. It seems to make them like him at least a little more, but Ben’s friends keep watching them closely anyway, their eyes on every move, as they try to form their own picture of the newlyweds. It’s one thing to see it on pictures on the internet but an entirely different story to have it played out in front of them.

 

Gwil, however, is having none of it. He’s his charming and witty self, cracking up Ben’s mates’ shell one after the other and soon enough he’s got them wrapped around his little finger as well. Ben watches in awe as every single one of them fall in love with him a little bit and he leans back, placing his arm over the backrest of Gwil’s chair and shuffles a little closer to him.

 

It earns him a smile and Gwil’s hand on his thigh, warm and heavy and Ben can’t help but smile back widely, leaning a little more against him.

 

“I didn’t even know you were a poofter, mate,” one of his friends says eventually – enough beer makes people talk quite easily.

 

“You know what? Neither did I.” Ben chuckles and looks up at Gwil, whose hand is still resting on his thigh and he meets his gaze with so much feelings in his eyes that Ben just has to lean in and kiss him. It’s the first time they’ve kissed since they woke up married and the first time they’re doing it sober – more or less, two beers don’t really count – and it’s just a small kiss, no tongue, but it’s enough to make Ben’s heart flutter a little. Gwil is surprised for a microsecond but is quick to catch on to return the kiss.

 

It is over quicker than Ben would have liked but when he leans back his friends are actually _staring_ at them, making Ben chuckle a little and he leans against Gwil’s side. “Guess you never know until you meet the right person, huh?”

 

Thankfully, that seems to be enough for now and nobody asks any more questions. Instead they return to the usual teasing and banter, including Gwil easily, as if he’s been one of the lads for a long time. It makes Ben feel almost proud that Gwil gets included into his circle of friends so easily, that they take him in as one of their own and it seems after that little demonstration they don’t question their relationship, or marriage, or whatever. Sure, it should be a bit strange that they just take him in like this, without much question, but on the other hand, Ben feels really relieved.

 

It goes so well, he even excuses himself after a while to grab a smoke, ignoring Gwil’s disapproving look. He brings his hand up to Gwil’s neck, letting his fingers scratch over the hairs in his nape and the soft skin, just for a moment, before he smiles at him and then steps away, one of his mates accompanying him outside. He offers him a cigarette and lighter, giving him a curious look.

 

Ben raises his eyebrows as he lights his smoke and then hands him the lighter back. “What?” He asks after he blows out the smoke, trying to make it sound nonchalantly, even though he almost fears like he’s seeing right through him.

 

“You’re really serious about that, aren’t you mate?”

 

“I am.” Ben chuckles a little, trying to make it sound convincing, even if he can’t stand behind his words. He hates lying to his friends, he really does, but he can’t tell him the truth, no matter if they have been friends for over ten years and went through everything together. He just can’t tell him.

 

“You know, I’m happy for you. I am.” His friend nods along, even though there’s a slight frown on his face. “I’d just... I would’ve been there for you, you know? Never would’ve not supported you, mate. Gay, bi. I don’t care. You’re my mate.”

 

Ben presses his lips together and then smiles so widely his cheeks start to hurt and he moves to wrap his friend up in a hug, burying his face against his shoulder. “I know. I know you are. And you’re the best.” He really wishes he could tell him, could talk to him about his struggles and how much he likes Gwil, and likes being with him, and how much he’s clearly enjoying kissing him. It’s driving him crazy, it definitely is, and Ben would definitely like another opinion on it from someone who’s known him for years. Sure, Joe is great, but while their bond is a deep one, it’s still a recent one. And he could maybe use a fresh take on the situation as well, especially from someone who doesn’t really know Gwil yet. But he can’t tell him, not without asking Gwil first. And to put a secret like this on his friend’s consciousness is something Ben doesn’t want either.

 

“At least you know he doesn’t want all your money or is with you just for the fame,” his friend says after a moment and punches his shoulder slightly, making Ben laugh and shake his head.

 

“Well, yeah.” He shrugs and takes a drag of his cigarette. He’s thought about that as well, when he thought about getting back into the dating business, before the whole Vegas marriage thing happened. Not that he needs dating right now, but the thoughts had been there and Ben wasn’t sure he’d like that, not knowing if people would be with him because of his fame or money. Gwil, however, doesn’t need both. He’s got enough money to go by, and he doesn’t really care about the fame.

 

“It’s good to see you so happy though.” Ben looks up and finds his friend’s eyes on him, giving him a soft look. Sometimes he gets too sentimental when he drinks too much. “It’s a good look on you. Haven’t seen you like that in a while.”

 

Ben shrugs again and then smiles. “Well, I am happy. Yeah.” He takes a last drag of his cigarette and then puts it out again. “He’s a great husband. Best in the world.” It’s not even a lie. Gwil has been nothing but good to Ben so far.

 

“Where did he take you out on your first date then? Or did you take him? How does that shit work with blokes?” His friend tilts his head to the side, making Ben laugh out loud.

 

“Works just like it does with women, mate,” he tells him and lifts his shoulders, not really answering the question. Gwil and he didn’t have a date yet and Ben doesn’t want to lie.

 

His friend grunts at that and then takes a sip of his beer, seemingly lost on thought for a moment. “I just can’t picture you like that, you know?” He waves his hand around, obviously trying to find words.

 

Ben chuckles. “Like what, mate?”

 

“Well, you know... gay or bi.”

 

“I’m not gay, you know?” Ben presses his lips together, his heart beating fast in his chest. It feels good to get the words out, because he isn’t. He definitely isn’t gay. He doesn’t feel like it. There’s no point in lying. “And I don’t think I’m bi either.”

 

It earns him a surprised look. “You’re not?”

 

“No.” Ben smiles and shakes his head, feeling his pulse rise a little more as he searches for words. “I still like women just fine. And I can appreciate a handsome man. It’s just that...” He pauses for a moment, tilting his head to the side. “It’s him, you know? He’s incredible. I love him, man.” It’s not a lie. He loves Gwil, he does. He likes kissing him, too. And maybe that’s enough reason to marry someone.

 

His friend beams at him then, pulling Ben into another tight hug before he leans back and grabs him by the shoulders, blinding smile on his face. “Let’s have more beer!”

 

Ben laughs softly at that and nods. It’s good to know that his friends support him though, and that he’s always have a support system to fall back on. He loves these men with all his heart and he wouldn’t want to trade them for anything in the world.

 

Gwil takes him home after another three rounds, like the proper gentleman he is and it makes Ben chuckle a little. “You wanna come up?” He asks and points at the door. This time he’s going to do it right, even if it’s only so he doesn’t have to lie awake for hours once more, wondering if he should have asked Gwil up. It does feel a bit like a date after the night they had, but Gwil easily takes the heat of the situation by smiling, bright and open, just like he usually does.

 

“I haven’t seen your new flat yet. Is Frankie home? Haven’t seen her in months.”

 

Ben shakes his head. “She’s staying with a sitter because we’ve got to leave for the next promo soon and I don’t want to move her around so much. We’ve only moved in here a couple of months ago, and she isn’t great with changes when I’m not with her,” he explains as he unlocks the door to let both of them into the hallway. They make their way up the stairs in silence. Neither of them feels the need to talk right now, and it doesn’t feel awkward either.

 

Gwil’s reaction to his flat is rather neutral. He does have a point – it’s not as nice as it could be. Ben never really got around to making it actually feel lived in. There are no decorations, just furniture and stuff, some boxes that he still hasn’t unpacked yet. He just didn’t have the time. Or the motivation, if he’s really honest. He’s been away most of the time anyway since he moved in here. “It’s nice.” Gwil looks around, trying very hard to school his facial expression and Ben can’t help but laugh at him.

 

“You don’t have to lie. It’s anything but, mate.” He gestures around and raises an eyebrow. “I’m glad I’ve got a bed, a wardrobe, a sofa and a telly. And Frankie’s bed which she never sleeps in but gets upset without. That’s about it. Didn’t have the time to do anything with it.”

 

“Well, it shows.” Gwil’s voice is gentle, no heat behind his words, just a very amused tone in his voice.

 

Ben turns around to look at him then, worrying his lips between his teeth. He doesn’t quite know how to address this, but he’s actually been thinking about it since his talk with Joe the other day, the thought not leaving his mind. “We should like, move in together?”

 

“Well, it is expected of newlyweds to be living together,” Gwil answers slowly and shrugs. “But we don’t have to. We can say that it’s more convenient for us to keep two separate flats.”

 

Ben hums at that and looks around for a moment. He never really liked living on his own anyway and he does think Gwil would make a good roommate. “I haven’t even unpacked everything here.” He lets his gaze wander across the room before he looks back to him, making Gwil chuckle.

 

“Well then you can have it moved into my flat.” Gwil steps closer to him, gently placing his hand on Ben’s shoulder. It’s a nice feeling, he loves it when Gwil touches him and Ben smiles involuntarily and looks up at him. “I’ll make room in my wardrobe for you.”

 

“I don’t think anything can fit into that, mate. You’ve got a million things.” Gently he nudges his side and grins up at him.

 

“That is not true.” Gwil scoffs and nudges him right back.

 

“Oh please, there’s hardly enough room in your wardrobe for your own stuff, how is mine supposed to fit in with that?”

 

“Then we’ll need a bigger wardrobe.”

 

“Or you could just sort through your things, and give some of them away to charity.”

 

“That is never going to happen.” Gwil gives him a look that tells Ben just how much he can fuck off, making Ben snicker happily.

 

“Now look at us. We actually do sound like a married couple.” He smiles and shakes his head fondly, nudging Gwil lightly. “I was thinking about moving into your guestroom though, as a roommate.”

 

Gwil’s expression slips for a moment before he schools his features again and Ben is not really sure what to make of it. “Of course. Yeah. That’s a good way of thinking.” He gives him a smile that seems a little forced. Did Gwil really think about them moving Ben into his bedroom for real? Ben doesn’t really think that Gwil would seriously consider something like this. After all, no matter if they are married or not, it doesn’t mean they have to share a bed every single night.

 

Of course, sharing the bed on the promo tour so far was nice, and Ben didn’t mind it in the slightest. But it will be different once it’s Gwil’s own bed, in his bedroom, and his flat. It’ll be more intimate and it’ll drive home the fact that they are in fact married, pretending to be a couple. Slowly but surely the lines between what they are and what they’re pretending to be will get blurred, if they really move in together and start living as a couple.

 

Ben frowns, biting his lip softly. He doesn’t like seeing Gwil worked up like this, because no matter what he pretends to be, Ben can read in his face like an open book. And Ben doesn’t like what he’s seeing right now. He likes it better when Gwil is smiling, and it’s not a big thing, he tries to tell himself. “I mean, I could really move in with you, make it more believable when people come over, of course,” he’s quick to add then, clearing his throat. “I don’t know how often you’ve got your mates over – like you do a lot of cooking together, right?” He wants to make this right, to sell this right. But he also doesn’t like the look on Gwil’s face, that’s almost a little disappointed.

 

“Yeah,” Gwil confirms and shrugs. “My bed is big enough, too, so we don’t end up pressed together every night. And Frankie is welcome there anytime, too.”

 

“I don’t mind that, sharing a bed with you, and Frankie of course.” Ben chuckles softly, the atmosphere between them suddenly a bit awkward and strained and he is desperate to change that. It’s just like when Gwil and he separated after their car ride back from Birmingham. And Ben hates it when things are awkward between them. “You give great cuddles and we’ve shared before. Plus, we’re married. So...”

 

Gwil laughs out loud at that then and pulls him into a tight hug, squeezing him into his arms. Ben goes easily and wraps his arms around Gwil in return, leaning his head against his shoulder for a moment. It’s not about selling it right. Not really. No matter what Ben is trying to make himself and Gwil believe. Ben got so used to having Gwil around him that he doesn’t really want to stop now. He’s noticed when he spent the last days alone in his flat, in his bed. He doesn’t want to go back to his normal life and his lonely flat.

 

Gwil’s flat is homey and lived in and he’s given everything so much heart and thought, Ben just feels at home there, when he’s just over for a visit. So living there would be even better. Maybe it’s got something to do with Gwil, but he doesn’t want to go there. Not right now, anyway. He’s still more than confused about maybe wanting to kiss Gwil again, or maybe not, and he doesn’t quite know where to put these thoughts. But Ben is determined to get through this. No matter what they’re pretending to be, they are still just friends. That is something that is never going to change, Ben is sure of that.

 

Not even when they move in together.

 

“It does help with the rent, too,” Gwil says then, right next to Ben’s ear and he can’t help but laugh as well at that, burying his face against Gwil’s shoulder as he returns the hug tightly.

 

In the end, Ben asks him to stay the night, and while they have shared a bed before, this is different. Ben hasn’t brought anyone back to this flat ever since he moved into it, it never felt right to do this, so Gwil is the first one staying there with him, even sharing his bed. It should be weird, but then Gwil is his husband, and it’s definitely okay for him to sleep with Ben. In a bed. And it’s nothing they haven’t done before, he reminds himself, as he puts the offer out.

 

Gwil just smiles at him and wraps him up in another hug, making Ben melt against him for a moment. It feels intimate, even more than the one they’ve shared only moments before and Ben can feel his cheeks heat up a bit. He’s the one that pulls away first. “I’m gonna brush my teeth,” he mumbles and heads into the bathroom to do just that, splashing some cold water on his face after he’s done as well. He needs to get his shit together.

 

They switch places then and Ben grabs his sleep shirt and gets under the duvet, getting out his phone. He needs to calm down again. Nothing is going to happen. They’ve done this before often enough. When Gwil steps out of the bathroom and into the bedroom in nothing but his pants, Ben presses his lips together as he watches him make his way into the bedroom. Of course, he doesn’t have a pyjama with him here and he didn’t wear a t-shirt he could use as sleep shirt. He does really look nice. He isn’t overly trained or anything, but he definitely has defined abs and broad shoulders that Ben really likes to look at. He swallows and looks back at his phone, pretending to read something interesting on the screen even if the words start swimming before his eyes.

 

“Got a t-shirt for me to put on?” Gwil asks, making Ben look up at him. He blinks, trying to focus on what Gwil has asked.

 

On the one hand, he wants him to stay like he is, wants to feel skin against skin when they cuddle. But on the other hand, maybe they shouldn’t. Ben clears his throat. “Wardrobe. Left door. Just pick one.”

 

Gwil flashes him a smile and does as he is told, giving Ben a nice view of his back and backside in his boxer briefs. He definitely has the body of a runner, Ben thinks as he lets his gaze travel over Gwil’s back. Strong thighs, but not overly trained. Quickly Ben looks down at his phone again, trying to shake the thoughts from his head. He shouldn’t think about Gwil like that. Not when he’s about to get into bed with him. It’s gotta be the beer he had that has him staring so much right now. After all, he’s seen Gwil in various stages of undress before. It’s nothing new for him.

 

When the mattress dips under Gwil’s weight, Ben looks up to find him wearing one of his Arsenal shirts and Ben can’t help but snicker. “You know that you put on one of football shirts, yeah?”

 

Gwil shrugs and tugs a little at the fabric. “It’s worn out, so I figured it would be okay to wear to bed.” He places his glasses on the rickety nightstand and leans back into the pillows.

 

Ben chuckles. “You’re allowed to wear any of my shirts to bed, Gwil,” he tells him and then leans over to switch off the lights. “Night, Gwil.”

 

“Night, Ben.”

 

Ben rolls onto his side and blinks into the semi-dark of his bedroom. It’s quiet, except for Gwil’s and his steady breathing and Ben can’t find sleep. The day and how easily his friends accepted them still are on his mind. It makes him happy that they’re so happy for him, but it also makes him think that they’re just buying everything so easily. They should be a bit more confused by it, should’ve asked more questions. But on the other hand, Ben is glad that they didn’t. He doesn’t have anything to tell after all. He can’t say what their first date was, because they didn’t have one yet. And Ben doesn’t want to lie. It’s not in his nature and he’s a really bad liar. His face always gives him away. Maybe he should ask Gwil out, make sure they’ll get that date.

 

“Can’t sleep, huh?” Gwil asks softly and then the mattress shifts when Gwil shuffles closer and wraps himself around Ben from behind, pulling him into a tight hug.

 

“Nah. Today has been a lot,” Ben replies as he feels his body relax in Gwil’s arms, a small smile tugging his lips upwards. He can’t help it. It feels too nice to have Gwil cuddled up to him like this, to have him make sure Ben is okay, even though he’s probably a little agitated, too, because the day surely must have left a mark on him as well.

 

“Yeah. But it was nice. I like your friends,” Gwil whispers back and hugs him a little closer. “And I guess they liked me.”

 

“Yeah, they did. Really.” Ben chuckles softly. “Took you right in as one of their own. I guess Joe will be jealous.”

 

“He can be jealous all he wants. He’s not married to you,” Gwil replies with a quiet laugh. “Don’t think too much, Ben. Just let it run its course. We’ll manage.”

 

“Easier said than done, though.”

 

“I know. For a pretty person you think way too much.” Gwil pats his hand gently, his voice fond, making the teasing lighter than it sounds.

 

“I’m not taking offense, just so you know.” Ben chuckles, but flicks his fingers against Gwil’s hand for good measure. “Night though. I’ll try not to think too much.”

 

“Good. And good night.” Gwil leans in a little more and Ben almost expects a kiss pressed to his head or the back of his neck, but Gwil just hugs him a little closer, giving him a soft squeeze. Instead of shifting away, Gwil stays right where he is, his body pressed up against Ben’s, a warm and solid weight against his back. There’s still some space between Gwil’s groin and Ben’s bum, and while Ben is grateful for that, he’s also a bit disappointed by that.

 

However, the whole cuddling leaves Ben’s body on edge, and he figures sleep will take a lot longer than necessary, but the exhaustion and the alcohol catch up with him and he falls asleep within moments, held securely by Gwil’s arms.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm late to the party again, even though I promised I'd bring this chapter sooner... But bear with me. Times are rough. ANYWAY. Here is the new chapter, I hope you'll like it! 
> 
> The biggest kudos goes to [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) for being the best person on the world and reading this over. <3

Ben can’t get the kiss out of his mind – it’s the first kiss they’ve shared since their wedding, the first one sober and Ben can’t stop thinking about it. It was just a small peck, just a sweet touch of their lips, only to make Ben’s friends believe that they’re in love with each other. But it’s still on Ben’s mind, no matter how far Ben tries to push it back. He feels like maybe he should talk to Joe about it, but since their last phone call when Joe told Ben to go for it and kiss Gwil, Ben feels like he knows exactly what he’s going to say. He could call Rami, maybe, because he’s always got good advice. But Ben knows that Rami is pretty busy these days and he doesn’t want to bother him with his personal dilemma.

 

In the end he decides to call Lucy, just to hear her opinion on it. She’s always been a level-headed woman with a big, romantic heart and he knows exactly that she’ll give great advice in a situation like this. “Hey Ben,” she greets him when she answers the phone and Ben tries to figure out if she sounds tired or stressed or like this is a bad time.

 

“Hey. Got a minute?” He asks back, biting his lip. He doesn’t want to bother her either, if it’s not convenient, Ben will just go back to moping on his own.

 

“Sure, for you always, you know that. What’s up? How are you? How’s married life treating you?” Lucy snickers a little. “Sorry, that was mean.”

 

Ben laughs softly. “No, it’s okay. You’re right about it. We are married. Life is pretty good. I’m looking for a date to move my stuff into Gwil’s flat.”

 

“Oh, you’re moving in with him? That’s good. Makes sense. And Gwil’s flat is nice, I like it. It’ll be so stuffed with all of your things added to his,” Lucy says and laughs a little.

 

“Hey, I don’t have as much stuff as Gwil has.” Ben is only half serious about that. He does have a lot of things, he knows it. But he’s definitely not taking all of it with him. He’ll have his furniture moved into storage, the one he wants to keep but doesn’t fit into Gwil’s flat, both room- and style-wise.

 

“No, he’s worse than you, that’s true.” Lucy giggles again. “But all jokes aside. How are you really?”

 

Ben bites his lip, trying to prevent the smile from tugging the corners of his mouth up too much. He loves his friends, all of them. But he’s glad Rami, Lucy and Joe know about their little secret. These people really are the best, especially since they care so much about him, and Gwil as well, obviously. “I’m okay. It’s... a bit much. I mean, I’m still not sure it was a good decision, but we’re making the most of it.”

 

Lucy hums at that. “You don’t sound convinced though?”

 

“Yeah... I guess I’m not?”

 

Ben takes a deep breath and then spills the beans about meeting the families and how the meeting with his friends went. He tells Lucy that his friends were all easily won over and more than supportive, of course, and he’s still glad about it. Eventually he mentions the kiss in the pub, spilling the words that lie on his tongue and have given him all this trouble these last days. “It was just a kiss, like, not even a real kiss? Just a touch of our lips.”

 

“It was a kiss,” Lucy tells him, her voice fond. “And?”

 

“And... well, I liked it, I guess?” Ben swallows and looks down at his feet. “I mean, it was nice. I wasn’t drunk. Neither of us was. And it was... yeah.”

 

“And now you want to kiss him again?”

 

“Well... yeah. Maybe?” Ben frowns a little at that. “Yeah, I guess? I mean, I’ve been thinking about it. And I must’ve liked it, when we got married. Because we snogged then?”

 

“Yes, you did.”

 

“So, I do think that I liked it. And... yeah, I think I want to do it again.”

 

“Ben...” Lucy’s voice is soft but also a little firm. “Why don’t you talk to Gwil about this? I’m sure he would understand if you told him that you want to kiss him again. He must’ve liked it, too. There are always two people involved in this. Talk to him.”

 

Ben chuckles a little because Lucy’s advice is a lot better than Joe’s. After all, Joe did tell him just to kiss Gwil, no questions asked. But of course has Ben thought about talking to Gwil about kissing him again, away from the public eye. He doesn’t know how to address it though, not really. He can’t just go up to Gwil and ask him about it. Ben doesn’t know if Gwil wants him, like this, no matter that they are slowly but surely blurring the lines with the level of intimacy they share. But Ben doesn’t want to be rejected. He’s afraid that Gwil will turn him down and that things between them will forever turn awkward because of that. “I’ll try to squeeze that in,” he says eventually, even though he’s not sure he wants to have this conversation at all. Yet he knows that he’ll have to say something. Things can’t continue like this. He did notice that there are so many unspoken things between them, so much tension, that Ben can almost touch it.

 

“Just do what feels right, when you’ve got time for it. The next weeks will be a bit busy,” Lucy says then, making Ben smiles a little.

 

“Yeah, I’ll try,” he promises and then asks how she is doing, not wanting to be a bad friend. He wants to know about these things, too, especially since they help him distract himself from his stupid thoughts.

 

After the phone call he takes a deep breath and rubs his hand over his face. Sure, he should talk to Gwil about it. It would help. Gwil is understanding and nice and he’s someone Ben could always turn to and ask for advice, maybe just pour out his heart to Gwil. But now that he’s basically the other end of the problem, Ben isn’t quite sure how to address it. He makes a mental note to himself that he’ll try to talk to him, but he doesn’t know when that will be, when Ben will find the courage to talk about it.

 

 

—

 

 

Between promo and interviews it takes Ben a few weeks to find a date to have his stuff moved from his flat to Gwil’s. Mostly because they are both either busy or out of town, doing more promotion for the movie. But eventually he manages to find a date, even though he’s alone with the movers and his dog because Gwil is on promo tour for the film with Rami. Ben is a little bit sad about that because he’d really like to join them, but he also knows that moving his things is quite important and they are supposed to seem happily married and ready to start a life together. And maybe the whole part about moving in with Gwil is easier, too, when he’s not there and watching over everything. After all, Gwil is a bit of a perfectionist and probably has a lot more ideas where Ben should put some things that he hasn’t told him about yet, so moving with a company and without Gwil fussing over everything, leaves Ben with a little less stress for the day. Frankie is going to be fussy enough about being moved, which will in return leave its toll on Ben as well. He hates it when his dog is visibly upset.

 

He still doesn’t know what to make of the whole situation, what to think of it – especially since all of the people around them seemed to have just bought it, without giving it much thought and are apparently only waiting for them to move in together at last. They can’t be that good at acting, can they? Especially their families and close friends should have guessed that they aren’t a real couple, that there should something be off with them. On the other hand, Ben should be relieved that no one questions their relationship. After all, that means they did a great job with selling it and will make sure they keep the promo for the film positive for now. And no one actively suspects that their son or friend could lie to them about something like this anyway.

 

But Ben still doesn’t quite manage to wrap his head around the fact that all of the people in his life seem to be so fine with him marrying a man without him ever even pointing towards being remotely bi. Admitting that to his friend was the closest thing Ben could have come to telling the truth and it felt good, and not like a lie, because Gwil is a good guy, and he is a perfect husband, for sure. It’s just that Ben has always imagined married life to be different, and he especially thought about being in love with the person he ended up marrying.

 

Sure, he likes Gwil just fine, loves him, even. He’s spent so much time with Gwil during the shoot and now during these last weeks that he can hardly imagine a life without him in it anymore right now, especially since they are in this mess together, but Ben doesn’t think he’s in love with him. However, in all of this Gwil is his rock and Ben tries really hard to return the favour for him, to be as strong as Gwil needs him to, even though he has a faint feeling that Gwil doesn’t need or want to rely much on him, and it makes Ben feel a little twisted about that. He’s his friend, he wants to make sure Gwil is okay. And no matter how Gwil pretends to be strong and handling all of this well, there are situations in which he lets his happy mask slip and a frown appears on his handsome features.

 

But it’s gone faster than Ben can blink and before he can talk to Gwil about it, Gwil has already changed the subject, bringing it back to lighter topics. It bugs Ben more than he wants to admit.

 

On top of all of that, Ben feels more than confused at the moment. Sure, he has always thought that he’s not gay, or bi, that he’s perfectly straight, has been with his ex for so many years. But right now he can feel himself waver a bit at that because of Gwil and his feelings towards him, when he really thinks about it. On top of all of that, they have kissed since they got married – sober – and it felt extremely nice, even if it was just a quick peck. He likes kissing Gwil and he likes touching him and being touched in return.

 

Maybe Ben is having the gay crisis he tried to avoid. He really doesn’t want to freak out over this, but the fact that he finds Gwil attractive – not only objectively speaking but subjectively as well – and they have kissed casually by now, leaves Ben more confused than he wants to admit. Sure, there was no tongue involved, it wasn’t a proper snog. But it felt nice nonetheless and Ben is certain that it’s not just because he missed snogging someone in general. It might have something to do with Gwil and kissing him specifically.

 

The worst part about this now though, is that Ben just wants to be with Gwil. He misses him terribly and Gwil hasn’t even been gone for a day. They haven’t even spent most nights together during these last weeks back home, only the days, but those were enough for Ben to miss Gwil right now. He also knows how Gwil hates personal questions in interviews and he really wishes he could be there for him, stick to his side and help him answer the questions, even though they probably were briefed beforehand anyway and Ben is just looking for an excuse to be with Gwil.

 

It’s so unlike him, Ben doesn’t even recognise himself. Maybe it’s the confusion he’s feeling, but right now he’s definitely not himself and he desperately needs to change that because he needs to focus on what’s coming next: more promo and the premiere in London. God, it’ll be awkward and Ben doesn’t even know how to handle all of this. Well, he’ll have o finis moving first, then he can concentrate on that.

 

When the movers are finally out of the flat, Ben is alone for the first time that day, only Frankie keeping him company now. He looks around, taking in the boxes and some of his furniture and he can’t help but chuckle. He doesn’t really want to unpack, though, only pulls out the necessities out of the boxes and makes sure that the dog is settling in fine, focussing himself on that instead of anything else, especially his own thoughts. Frankie provides to be quite helpful with that, demanding attention in all of this chaos and Ben is happy to give it to her, making sure to take her on a long walk through her new neighbourhood, too, trying to get them both acquainted with where they are going to live now. It’s on the other end of the town, too hipster for his taste, too many artsy people. Ben isn’t sure he’s going to fit in with them. He loved living where he lived before, even though he didn’t like the flat he had moved into. The neighbourhood was great and Frankie loved it there as well.

 

But Ben doesn’t have a choice. He’s made a decision and he’s going to live with it, making the most of it. At least he’s got Frankie with him, so he’s not alone right now.

 

Instead of cooking himself dinner in Gwil’s kitchen – their joint kitchen now – he gets himself take away and settles with the box on the couch in front of the TV. It’s not much different from how he’s spent dinners in his own flat, just that the place is a little different and Ben needs to get used to it. He takes a deep breath and scratches Frankie between the ears before he goes back to eating his food, not really watching the programme that is on.

 

It’s weird to go to bed that night in a flat that isn’t his without Gwil there – everything is Gwil’s, from top to bottom – and when the sheets even smell a bit like him Ben really misses him more than he wants to admit. Besides, he’s never spent any amount of time in Gwil’s flat without him there, so right now he feels a bit lonely, maybe.

 

He grabs his phone up and snaps a picture of himself in Gwil’s bed, Frankie a little visible as well and sends it to him. “ _Weird sleeping in your bed without you._ ” It’s not the first time he’s texted Gwil that day, because he promised he’d keep him updated with the move and how everything is going, informing him about every step. Of course, Ben gets that Gwil is a bit worried, so he didn’t want to hold back the information either. In return he got updates on promo stuff and what Rami had been up to.

 

He doesn’t have to wait too long for an answer. “ _Give Frankie a cuddle from me and try to catch a good night’s sleep. X_ ”

 

Ben bites his lip and stares at the little X. It’s hardly the first time Gwil has put one in his messages to him, but it’s the first time Ben is lying in Gwil’s bed while reading it and it makes him hot all over. He really wants that kiss.

 

“ _You, too. X_ ” He writes back instead and then lets his phone drop on the mattress next to him before he cuddles back into the pillows and pulls Frankie closer, making the dog snuggle up to him easily. At least he’s got her with him now, so he doesn’t need to feel too lonely.

 

 

—

 

 

When Gwil comes back home a few days later Ben has already unpacked all of his boxes and found a place for most of his things even though it’s a little crammed in the wardrobe, but they can make do. He has somehow managed to make himself feel at home in Gwil’s flat, sleeping in his bed and eating all of his food until he had to buy fresh groceries.

 

Gwil just smiles widely at him and wraps him up in a hug, pressing him close as if he hasn’t seen him in forever but Ben really doesn’t mind. Frankie is dancing around their feet, but Gwil is having none of it. His full focus is on Ben. He easily sinks against Gwil and closes his eyes, breathing him in for a moment because he has missed him, and Ben isn’t ashamed to admit that to himself. Confused or not, Ben just really wants Gwil to stay close to him.

 

“How did everything go?” Gwil asks, his voice close to Ben’s ear, making him shiver a little as he curls closer to him.

 

“Moving went well, I texted you about all that, didn’t I? We got accustomed, too. Thanks for having us again, really, Gwil. It means a lot.”

 

Gwil just tightens his arms around Ben for a moment, giving him a heartfelt squeeze. “No worries. It’s mostly selfish reasons. So I don’t have to get up alone, maybe I’ve found a jogging partner in the mornings now. What do I have a fake husband for?”

 

Ben laughs softly against Gwil’s shoulder. “Well, at least I’m good for something,” he agrees, his eyes still closed and he doesn’t feel like pulling away. “Though you’ll have to rely on Frankie for getting up early. I’m sleeping in whenever I can.” The hug is way too nice to be stopped, Gwil’s arms feeling like a security blanket around him and Ben wants to let himself fall into the touches and embrace.

 

Eventually though Gwil pulls back and smiles at him, moving his hands up to cup Ben’s shoulders. He gives him a soft squeeze and nods towards the kitchen. “Made dinner already?”

 

Ben shakes his head. “No, sorry. I didn’t remember the time you were supposed to come back anymore, so I didn’t do anything.”

 

“Want to cook dinner with me? Nothing fancy, but I’m a bit hungry and could use some pasta or so.” Gwil gives him a hopeful look, making Ben’s heart skip a beat.

 

“Yeah sure.” He nods and smiles back at him. He isn’t the best in the kitchen, but he’s got the feeling that working with Gwil will bring more fun than Ben is used to.

 

The smile Gwil gives him in return is almost blinding and he squeezes Ben’s shoulders again, before he finally crouches down and pays Frankie the attention she craves. Immediately the dog butts her head against Gwil, trying to weasel her way into his arms and get as many cuddles as possible, while Gwil ruffles her fur and hugs her close, cooing at her.

 

It’s a sight for sore eyes, Ben finds himself thinking, and he can’t help but smile widely. The two of them clearly have missed each other and he’s quite sure he can leave Frankie with Gwil whenever he has to leave for work and Gwil doesn’t, instead of bringing her to the dog sitter. Frankie clearly adores Gwil, no question about that.

 

“Alright, c’mon. Wash up and then we can make dinner,” he says, making Gwil look up at him with an amused look on his face.

 

“Are you scolding me for cuddling the dog?”

 

“Yes. You said you were hungry, now c’mon.”

 

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re jealous of Frankie,” Gwil remarks and grins, before he finally gets up and pats Ben’s back gently.

 

Ben just scoffs and rolls his eyes, turning his head away from Gwil so he doesn’t see his flushed face. “All lies,” he says, nudges him, and then makes his way into the kitchen.

 

Frankie immediately scrambles after him and Gwil follows as well. It’s remarkable how well Ben already knows his way around the kitchen, especially since cooking isn’t his most favourite task in the household. But he likes Gwil’s flat and he’s had time to get to know it before Gwil came back from his trip around Europe.

 

Gwil seems to think this, too, because when Ben looks up and catches his gaze, Gwil is looking at him in a mixture of awe and fondness, making Ben smile in return. He really has missed Gwil. Not just having him in his arms, but having him around. He loves the way Gwil showers him with attention and makes him feel like he’s the only person on the planet that matters, and he loves the way that Gwil cares about everything, making a great deal out of it that Ben and Frankie are comfortable. If he’s honest, he doesn’t have to do much, Ben likes the fact that he already feels so comfortable around Gwil. The awkwardness from a few days ago forgotten. Right now it’s just the two of them, well, and Frankie of course.

 

Maybe the time apart did them some good. Maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder, because Ben definitely has missed spending time with Gwil and having him around. He loves the easy, laid back conversations they have, or that they both can just listen to music for hours without saying a word. They have done that a few times while shooting BoRhap, and Ben really enjoyed that. Maybe living with Gwil will bring situations like this back, that they can just be with each other without having to fulfil a purpose.

 

“Alright, I’ve thought about spaghetti carbonara maybe? Just something quick that we’ll both like.” Gwil says that and smiles slightly, making Ben bite his lip, feeling almost caught, even though he didn’t do anything.

 

“Sounds good,” Ben agrees with a soft smile. “Want me to open a bottle of wine?”

 

“Oh, good thinking.” Gwil smiles widely at him and waggles his eyebrows. “Open a bottle of sauvignon blanc? I think that’ll go well with the pasta for now.”

 

Ben nods and hums at that before he makes his way over to the wine rack to open a bottle of said wine. Gwil is busy in the meantime preparing their dinner, and in the end, Ben doesn’t help one single bit. He just stays close and drinks wine with Gwil while they wait for the dinner to be done. Not that Ben minds. He’s a disaster in the kitchen and he’s not sure if Gwil would survive something Ben cooked for him.

 

In the end they almost kill the whole bottle of wine during dinner, talking with each other and laughing about the stories Gwil has to tell of Rami and their promo tour, telling him about his time in Madrid, Rome and Paris and Ben can’t help but watch him with a smile. He’s missed this part of Gwil, too, his easy attitude towards life and his funny anecdotes in general. The way his eyes light up when he talks makes Ben’s stomach flutter and he can’t help but smile along with him. Sometimes, when he talks about something, he almost starts pontificating, making Ben tilt his head and just listen to him. He could do this all day, listen to Gwil’s voice, and his words. It doesn’t even matter what Gwil talks about in the end. Ben just likes hearing him speak.

 

“I’m a bit jealous I didn’t get to go with you, I’ve got to admit,” he says eventually and grins when Gwil turns his head to look at him.

 

“Don’t be. We didn’t get to see much of the cities at all. I just made a sightseeing marathon.”

 

“Oh, you’re quite good at those.” Ben grins, making Gwil laugh and shake his head.

 

“You would’ve loved it in Rome though. Rami and I went to a beautiful small restaurant in the evening. The wine and food were excellent.”

 

Ben hums at that. “Sounds lovely. Is that supposed to make me less jealous? Like, hearing that my friend got to go on a dinner date with my husband while I never had a date with my hubby at all?” He bites his lip, tilting his head to the side a little. He’s thought about going on a proper date with Gwil for a while now, if he’s honest, ever since his friend asked him about it, the idea didn’t leave him. It’s not a big deal. They’ve went out before, as friends, had dinners, went to the pub. But ever since they got married in Vegas, they didn’t do that, and Ben feels a bit like he’s missing out. Maybe a date with Gwil would be stupid. But Ben doesn’t think so and can’t really imagine it being overly weird either.

 

Gwil gives him a surprised look. “We never did, did we?” He asks back, his gaze flicking over Ben’s face. “Well, if you want to, I’m going to take you out.”

 

Ben chuckles. “Maybe I want to take you out.”

 

“Then you can do that.” Gwil laughs softly. “In the end, it doesn’t matter who takes who wherever. As long as the food is good and we’re having fun.”

 

“Yeah. I guess, the last part shouldn’t be a problem.” Ben smiles softly. If he’s really honest, he has missed spending time alone with Gwil. Not that they have had much chance for that in the last months. After all, they both have been working after BoRhap and Ben had his private chaos to take care of. But whenever they met up, they always had a good time. But even now that they’ve spent so much time together in the last weeks, Ben hadn’t had the feeling that they’ve really spent time with each other. They were just trying to make sure the other was alright and that there weren’t any hard feelings whatsoever, trying to sort out the whole marriage with all the according logistics. Ben missed this carefree attitude they have towards each other, the conversations they can hold and the jokes they can crack.

 

“I’d like to think so, too.” Gwil smiles back at him and Ben can’t help the warm feeling that spreads out inside of him. Talking, and joking around like this is really something Ben has missed when Gwil was away. Gwil always manages to make him feel calm and relaxed, even though right now he’s still a little nervous when he thinks about the fact that this is their first night together in what’s now their shared flat.

 

Having some alcohol in him, makes Ben feel a little better about that. Ben feels a little desperate to hold onto the carefree feeling from before, especially since they are about to get into bed together. And this is not some hotel bed. This is Gwil’s own bed. The one he so easily invited Ben to move into, along with moving into his life. The one Ben has spent a few night in by now, making it his own, alongside Gwil’s.

 

Yet, when it’s time to go to bed and Gwil lets Ben use the bathroom first because he wants to go a quick round with Frankie in the meantime, and introduce her to all the gossip about the dogs in the neighbourhood, Ben is more than nervous. Nothing is even going to happen, he tells himself while he gets ready for bed. It’s just two mates going to sleep in the same bed, who thought that marrying each other was a good idea. He’s slept in this bed several nights now. And Gwil has shared his bed at his place, too. But this is something different now. They have moved in together and they will spend every night from now on together. Or nearly every night. Under the same duvet.

 

He’s already in bed when Gwil comes back. He hears them before either of them step into the bedroom and before Ben can adjust, Frankie has already hopped onto the bed to cuddle up to him immediately.

 

Smiling, Ben brings his hand up and gently rubs her between the ears, smiling when she leans into the touches. “You’re sneaking touches and cuddles again,” he tells the dog, chuckling when she licks over his chin.

 

“She was great during our walk, so she deserves all the cuddles in the world,” Gwil replies and chuckles before he nods towards the bathroom door “I’m going to get ready. So don’t move. And I like it that you’ve instinctively picked the right side.”

 

Ben chuckles. “It’s the side I usually sleep on when I don’t sleep in the middle. And we’ve shared enough beds for me to know which side you sleep on. So yeah, of course that’s my side now.”

 

It makes Gwil smile at that as well and then he makes his way to the bathroom, leaving Ben with the thoughts of the domesticity of it all. Maybe, he tries to think, they are meant for each other. He doesn’t really believe in fate or anything like that, but hearing things like these make him believe that they must be part of something greater. At least it feels that way to Ben. No matter how silly it sounds. Right now he feels like he belongs at Gwil’s side. Maybe it’s the wine talking, Ben isn’t too sure of that, but the feelings he feels are strong.

 

When Gwil comes back from the bathroom he’s wearing a t-shirt and his pyjama bottoms. He flashes Ben a smile. “You two look cosy.”

 

Ben chuckles and runs his fingers through Frankie’s fur while he watches Gwil move across the room and get into bed next to him. “We are. Frankie is quite the good cuddle partner.”

 

Gwil smiles at that. “Now I’m getting jealous,” he admits, making Ben blush a little at the comment.

 

“Sorry. You can have a cuddle, too?” Ben offers and bites his lip. He’s definitely not sure where this is coming from, most probably from the wine. But no matter how much he likes it he should be careful. He can’t let feelings get in the way. Not when they’ve already created such a mess already anyway. And Ben is more than confused by it.

 

Gwil immediately smiles at him and then shuffles closer, carefully wrapping his arm around Ben and Frankie, cuddling up to them. It feels nice to have Gwil wrapped around him again. He hasn’t felt it in a while, after all. He’s missed him, has missed Gwil’s arms around him, his warmth against his back and his soft breath against his hair.

 

Gwil’s scent fills his nose, manly and clean and a bit of the deodorant he uses and Ben feels himself blush. He’s missed him more than he can put into words. He shouldn’t be afraid to admit it, and he shouldn’t be so confused by it. They have spent so many weeks together, that Ben has just gotten used to having Gwil around him, his scent familiar by now and his touches warm and consoling. However, having Gwil’s arms around him makes his stomach swoop and his palms sweat a bit. God, Ben feels almost like a teenager again, sharing the bed with someone for the first time, even though he is neither.

 

“Night, Gwil,” he finds the courage to blurt out, making Gwil smile and hum as he hugs him closer, gently running his fingers over Ben’s side.

 

“Night, Ben,” Gwil whispers back and then presses a soft kiss to the top of his head. Gestures like these make his heart definitely skip a beat. Gwil doesn’t have to do this. No one is around to witness a soft and gentle touch like this. Yet he still does it and, on top of it all, Ben likes it, more than he wants to admit.

 

It’s something Ben can’t quite wrap his head around. That Gwil can just be easily affectionate with him without having to, on a level that is just on the edge of becoming more than friendship. And Ben likes it. He likes the way Gwil showers him with attention and affectionate touches. It makes him feel special and there’s a fluttery feeling in his stomach that tells him that this is definitely not just friendship anymore for him. That they are blurring the lines already, just like he feared. But, if Ben is really honest with himself, he doesn’t mind it in the slightest and as it seems, neither does Gwil.

 

He wants to say something, wants to tell Gwil that it’s okay what they’re doing, but he doesn’t find the right words, and he’s afraid that he’ll ruin the moment if he actually speaks up now. So he keeps his mouth shut and closes his eyes, simply leaning back to enjoy Gwil’s touches.

 

Ben thought that his mind would be too busy to let him sleep, his thoughts running haywire as he tries to figure out the mess that are his feelings and his thoughts. But he can actually feel himself relax in Gwil’s arms. Maybe it’s because of Gwil, he definitely isn’t sure. But he falls asleep within moments, curled up securely in Gwil’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you noticed, but I added a final chapter count! The rough draft for the story is finished (YAY!) and now all remaining chapters need to be edited. As promised, there will be a happy ending. I'm really not kidding, I swear. 
> 
> Oh, AND can we please talk about Gwil's instagram post at the beginning of the week? I mean, HELLO? I mean, they were clearly drunk, lol, and it's given me so many Vegas AU vibes, haha. (I love these idiots.)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's me! I did promise that the new chapter would come soon - and here it is. Yay! It's also happening today because otherwise I would've been able to post on Saturday because I'm pretty busy during the week. So here you are. We want this thing finished, don't we? 
> 
> I did have an idea for another thing already, but I don't find the time to write it. And I really would, because these idiots still inspire me so much. Of course, it would include some of my favourite tropes and of course it would be a romantic comedy. You know me. But I'll have to figure it out. I don't want to promise anything that I can't hold.
> 
> Again, lots of love and kudos go to [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) for the beta and the criticism!

The next morning Ben gets woken by a squeaky sound, follows by a curse and then rather harshly by Frankie jumping up from her spot next to him on the bed and trampling over him, her paws digging into his side as she makes her way over to the source of the sounds, yipping happily. Ben groans and blinks his eyes open to find Gwil standing in the middle of the bedroom, foot on one of Frankie’s toys, the dog jumping around him happily, probably thinking they’re about to play.

 

Gwil looks over to Ben and sighs. “Morning. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

 

“No, it’s okay.” Ben rubs a hand over his face and shakes his head a little, even though he still doesn’t want to get up. “Sorry, I’ll remember to put them away next time.” He’s trying so hard to stay organised and to put his stuff away because he knows how much Gwil hates it when the flat is messy. But of course, Ben didn’t think about the dog toys and that Frankie carries them everywhere she goes.

 

“No, it’s okay. I just wanted to go for a run, is all.” Gwil offers him a small smile and then makes his way to the wardrobe to find his running clothes.

 

Frankie, who has calmed down a little, follows him curiously and sits down next to him, looking up at him, her tail slowly waggling as she watches him.

 

“Take Frankie?” Ben asks and tilts his head to the side, watching the two of them with a little smile. He knew that Frankie liked Gwil, he definitely did. She liked almost all of his co-workers when his ex brought her to visit the set last year. But it seems like Frankie and Gwil have already made a connection that runs a little deeper.

 

Gwil looks over to him, then down at the dog, who still seems pretty excited to have him there and then he shrugs. “Sure, yeah.” He leans down and scratches Frankie between the ears, smiling when she leans up and puts her front paws on his thighs. “Wanna head outside with me, Frankie? Walkies?” She lets out an excited yip in response and then darts off into the hallway. Gwil laughs and looks up at Ben, wiggling his eyebrows at him. “Magic word. I’ll be back shortly. Give me half an hour.” With that he leaves the bedroom and Ben drops back onto the bed, spreading out his arms as he stares at the ceiling.

 

It’s somehow not like he imagined the first morning in their new shared flat together. He doesn’t quite know what he imagined, but being woken by a squeaky toy and curses was definitely not what he had in mind, especially not after the way they fell asleep yesterday, how intimate their touches were. And Ben liked it. He liked feeling Gwil’s hands on his body, his arms around him and the soft and gentle kiss to the top of his head.

 

Gwil didn’t have to do any of it. After all, it was just the two of them, three, if Ben counted Frankie as well. But it was just them, no camera, no prying eyes around to watch them and analyse their every move. And it’s definitly something Ben could get used to. He likes the way Gwil is touching him, how casually affectionate he is with him. Sure, he has liked it before as well, but now he wants it with a little more intention. He definitely wants to kiss him again. The little peck they did for his friends was nothing compared to what Ben wants now.

 

He’s quite certain that the lust he’s feeling isn’t because he hasn’t had sex in a while. He’s definitely interested in snogging Gwil again, and quite frankly, doing more with him than just a bit of snogging. Ben just needs to find the courage to talk to Gwil about it. It’s not something he could just do. He’s an adult, and adults use words to ask for what they want. Yet, even though Ben isn’t really sure about it, there’s also still the possibility that Gwil doesn’t want him back. That all of this flirting he’s doing is not intentional and that he’d turn Ben down, should he show his advances. Of course, he doesn’t know it, and will never know it if he doesn’t try, but Ben isn’t ready for that yet. If Ben decides to want more, he’ll have to talk to Gwil first. They’ll have to have a proper talk about what either of them wants because the whole thing between them is way too important to get ruined by Ben putting unwanted advances onto Gwil.

 

 

—

 

 

Living with Gwil comes surprisingly easy. Not that Ben wouldn’t have thought that, after all, he’s spent quite some time in hotel rooms with Gwil on their promo tour for the movie so far. But living together in someone’s flat that is now occupied by two people and a dog is definitely different. They have to master a certain kind of normality, even though their schedules are still pretty messed up right now with promo and interviews, as well as the premieres for the movie lined up.

 

But neither of them is walking around on eggshells in front of the other. They are taking care to make this run as smoothly as possible, with Ben trying to be as tidy as possible while Gwil lets it slide whenever he does happen to let something lie around. Of course Ben can’t change who he is, he’s still a little messy, and that will probably never change. But Gwil doesn’t seem to mind. He’s content with having Ben and Frankie around, clearly happy to have someone in his flat.

 

“I have three siblings, and had lots of friends growing up. There was always ruckus in the house,” Gwil tells him one evening, making Ben look up from his phone. Frankie is sprawled out over Gwil’s lap, happy where she is right now, with Gwil gently scratching her between the ears. “I didn’t know how much I missed having that until the two of you moved in and suddenly there’s always something up. I love it.”

 

Ben smiles at that, leaning back against the cushions of the couch. “Yeah, I get that. Good thing we’re here, huh?”

 

Gwil grins back at him and nods. “Yeah.” He rubs his hand over Frankie’s back. “And I’ve always wanted a dog. Never got around to getting one though.” He looks down at the beagle on his lap, a fond look on his face before he leans down to coo at the dog. “You’re the cutest of the cutest, Frankie.”

 

Ben doesn’t find the heart to comment on it, especially since there is the thought in the back of his mind that he’ll take Frankie away from him again when they’ll get a divorce further down the line. The thought of that makes Ben’s heart clench a little and he doesn’t want to put too much energy into it. So he just smiles and hums before looking back down at his phone. But it’s nice to see Gwil so happy with his dog. Of course Ben didn’t think they wouldn’t get along, especially since they’ve known each other already, but it’s still nice to see it. Yet, he doesn’t want to think about separating these two again. It’s still over half a year until they can even think about getting a divorce and a lot can happen in that time.

 

 

—

 

 

While Gwil is happy about having Ben and Frankie around, Frankie clearly loves the new living situation as well. She follows Gwil around the flat wherever he goes, trying to get his attention and claims his lap whenever she can. Not that Ben can blame her. It looks like a very comfortable place to sit or lie and he’d quite like to do that as well, but he’s not as cute as her, so he probably wouldn’t get away with it. Eventually though, Frankie starts following Gwil into the bathroom as well. Gwil wordlessly lifts her outside again and closes the door for the first few times, but after they come back from a jog in the morning one time and she follows him into the bathroom again when he wants to take a shower, Gwil accompanies her outside with a sigh and into the living room where Ben is lazing around on the couch. “Ben, you know I love you and I love your dog as well, but we need to get it out of her that she follows me into the bathroom when I want to take a shower.”

 

“Yeah, we’ll train her better.” Ben leans down to scratch Frankie between the ears, trying to get her to stay with him by wrapping his other arm around her. Normally she’s always quite fixated on him, trying to get his attention. But now Gwil is new and interesting and it seems like Frankie has fallen in love with him. It’s not that he can blame her.

 

“What?” Gwil asks, making Ben look up at him, a little confused.

 

“What?”

 

“What did you just say?”

 

“Nothing.” Ben frowns, feeling his cheeks heat up. Oh god, maybe he did say it out loud. He swallows a bit harder, keeping his gaze on Frankie, desperately willing Gwil to walk away right now. “We’ll make sure that she doesn’t bother you like that anymore. I promise.”

 

“She doesn’t bother me, but I kind of like my privacy,” Gwil tells him with a small chuckle and then turns around on the spot, making his way into the bathroom. Frankie is about to scramble after him, but Ben holds her back, finally lifting her up on the couch with him.

 

“No, Frankie, let Gwil be,” Ben whispers to her and hugs her close for a moment, letting out a soft sigh when the door closes behind Gwil. God, he can’t believe something like that slipped out. He closes his eyes for a moment, trying to calm his beating heart. He’s definitely more desperate than he thought. Eventually though he manages to calm down enough so he can make his way into the kitchen, beckoning Frankie to follow him so he can give her breakfast before he starts preparing Gwil’s and his own, trying to get his thoughts back in order.

 

He is just busy putting everything on the plates when Gwil steps into the kitchen, his hair damp from his shower, glasses on his nose. At least he’s dressed and not half naked. Not that Ben would mind that, but right now he doesn’t really need to see it, especially since it wouldn’t help him with getting Gwil out of his head.

 

“Thanks for breakfast,” Gwil says and smiles at him before he sits down at the table and grabs the mug with coffee Ben has prepared for him, with a splash of milk, just how he likes it. He lets out a content sigh and closes his eyes for a moment. “I needed that, thanks.” He flashes Ben a gracious smile and then taps his finger against the plate with the toast. “I would’ve run by the bakery if I had known you’d make breakfast.”

 

Ben shrugs and smiles. “It’s not a big deal, and toast is better with the scrambled eggs anyway,” he says and then carries the plates over to the table, setting one down in front of Gwil while he takes a seat and put his own plate down as well.

 

“Thanks anyway.” Gwil nudges him lightly, making Ben look up at him again. He’s smiling brightly, no traces of any weirdness between them after that embarrassing slip of the tongue.

 

“Anytime.” Ben smiles back and nods before he turns his attention to his own breakfast. He still feels a little embarrassed and awkward about it. Sure, he’s meant it, and he likes having Gwil around, likes looking at him and he definitely loves him in a way that goes deeper than just friendship by now. Yet the thoughts took him a bit by surprise, especially now that he’s spoken them out loud. Gwil probably didn’t hear him too well or he would’ve said something different. Hopefully he took it for nonsense babble that was meant for Frankie. He looks over to the dog who has curled up next to Gwil’s chair and frowns a little. Sure, he gets that she likes him. But right now he could use a bit of her love as well.

 

 

—

 

 

Over the time they spend home, it shows Frankie loves the new flat as well, and not just Gwil who came with it, settling into her new life and surroundings without problems. She’s clearly the queen of their lives, easily commanding them around without really meaning it to. Although Ben suspects that she quite knows how to get everything she wants. She has even claimed one of the armchairs as hers, only allowing Gwil and Ben to sit with her in it. It makes Gwil chuckle most of the times while Ben tries to scold her for it, feeling his dog parenting fading into nothingness. He has tried to train her. And while she listens to commands, she’s definitely allowed on the furniture and he can never be really cross with Frankie anyway, not when she’s looking at him with her big brown puppy dog eyes, and especially not when Gwil does the same, big blue eyes looking down at him. Ben just wants to roll his eyes at both of them. But he holds back and simply gives in to the lost fight. It’s Gwil’s furniture and he can decide what he wants to do with it, whether if he’s sitting in the arm chair all by himself or having Ben’s dog sprawled out over his lap.

 

Gwil just chuckles every time Ben tries to scold her and cradles Frankie against his chest while he gives Ben a cheeky smile and a wink, making Ben scoff at him and shake his head. Sometimes Gwil really gets on his nerves. And Ben means it in the most affectionate way possible.

 

 

—

 

 

Sharing Gwil’s bed with him comes just as easy, not that Ben would’ve thought any differently, but Ben finds himself enjoying it more than he should. It’s not that they cuddle every night. But there’s another person in bed with him, warm and breathing and it’s calming him in a way that makes Ben realise how lonely he’s been these last months. He feels at home for the first time in months and Ben sleeps like a log every night, making him realise that he’s definitely in way over his head already.

 

Also, sharing the bed with Gwil has his perks. Not only that spooning seems to be his favourite position, just like Ben’s, Frankie also wakes him first because Gwil likes to go for a run early in the morning and she’s a quick learner that she’ll get the exercise with him she’d have to wait a lot longer for if she was to wake Ben. It makes Ben smile to himself because he gets to sleep in and stay in bed a little longer. He definitely doesn’t mind that. Not that Gwil minds either. It seems like Frankie and he are as thick as thieves by now and he really enjoys having a running buddy with him. Ben is more than happy to leave the two of them be, and he mostly does the evening rounds with Frankie anyway, making sure she can settle in for the night.

 

They develop a nice routine in the short time they live together and Ben could really get used to it. If he’s really honest with himself, he’s already getting used to it. He loves living with Gwil, loves the easy and carefree way they can just share a bed, and the rest of the flat, without it ever feeling too crowded or too much. Sure, they often enough spend time apart, especially when there are errands to run or other appointments to be held. But it’s nice to come home to a warm flat, some of the times even a home cooked meal and a winning smile and Ben really doesn’t want to miss it anymore. And it seems like, neither does Gwil.

 

Ben has just opened a bottle of wine for their dinner, when Gwil suddenly turns around to him. “I’ve been thinking.”

 

It makes Ben snicker and he raises an eyebrow. “Really? Times must be tough then.”

 

Gwil rolls his eyes at that but can’t help the smile that’s tugging his lips upwards. “Very. But I’ve been thinking about you meeting my friends. They have asked already.”

 

Ben hums. Of course, it’s been weeks now and they still haven’t met him. While Gwil has already met his friends and charmed them into liking him, Ben hasn’t gotten a chance to do the same with Gwil’s friends. Not that he’s very keen on doing that. If he’s honest, he’s quite nervous about it. After all, they are the people with whom Gwil spends quite a lot of time, they know him best, and he’s probably has already talked about Ben with them. “Sure, yeah.”

 

“So... I usually... we do some kind of dinner parties every other month,” Gwil starts, making Ben raise his eyebrows.

 

“Dinner parties?”

 

Gwil actually blushes at that. “Yeah. And it would be my turn right now.”

 

Ben blinks at that. “Wow. Of all the things, I don’t think I’ve expected that,” he admits and chuckles, still a little perplex. It does make Gwil sound a little bit old, but Ben shouldn’t be surprised. After all, Gwil likes cooking, he likes eating as well and he definitely likes talking a lot about food.

 

“I know, I know.” Gwil laughs softly and shrugs. “It’s just that they really want to meet you and I thought it would be a great opportunity. Usually one of us is always busy, but we could arrange that you’re here when I host? Like, you could help me prepare the dinner and then we’ll sit together, have a bit of wine and chat. It’s nothing super fancy, we’re not dressing up or anything. We’re just sitting together, drinking and eating.”

 

“Sure, yeah.” Ben nods and smiles at him a little timidly. “I’d love to meet your friends, of course. So yeah, let’s host a dinner party. It would actually be my first. But we’re not telling them that, are we?”

 

Gwil laughs softly and moves to wrap his arm around Ben, pulling him into a sideways hug. “No, we’re not telling them that,” he agrees and nuzzles Ben’s temple for a moment. It makes Ben’s heart flutter a little and he leans some more into Gwil, his arm sneaking around his middle. He loves these small and affectionate touches. Gwil doesn’t have to do them and yet he still does. It makes Ben’s stomach swoop and his palms sweat.

 

 

—

 

 

It takes Gwil a few days to get the news out and find a suitable date for most of his friends to come by. It’s just a bit like it was with Ben’s friends, only that they’re not in a pub and not drinking beer, but they’re at home in Gwil’s – their – flat, setting up the dining table and opening a bottle of expensive red wine.

 

Ben loves that Gwil can do both, being laddy in the pub and talk about rugby, and being this, preparing dinner parties and knowing which wine goes with the food he’s making. It’s a contrast Ben shouldn’t find so attractive, but it actually ticks quite a lot of boxes for Ben he didn’t even know he had. But maybe it’s just like what he told his friend. It’s not men or women in general. It’s just Gwil. Ben probably wouldn’t find it attractive if anyone else did it. He’d probably consider the set-up too hipster or snobby, but with Gwil it’s somehow just endearing.

 

Holding the dinner party and meeting Gwil’s friends makes Ben a little more nervous than he likes to admit. Sure, he’s got nothing to worry about, not really. After all, in a few months they’ll get a divorce and nothing of this will ever stick, so he doesn’t have to worry about being friends with Gwil’s friends. Or them liking him, or making a good impression. But Ben would still like to make sure that they like him, especially for Gwil’s sake. After all, they’re supposed to think that they’re madly in love with each other and are just starting their new life together. So Ben just wants to make sure he’s presenting himself from his best side. And most importantly, Gwil asked him for this. It’s important to Gwil that he and his friends get along, that they get to meet him and all. So he will give it his very best and make Gwil proud.

 

But it still doesn’t change the fact that Ben is nervous as hell. It reflects on Frankie as well, the dog walking around the flat aimlessly as she tries to look for a spot to settle and then finally follows Ben into the kitchen.

 

“What’s wrong?” Gwil asks with a small laugh when Ben checks up on him for the third time that afternoon. He looks up and shoots him an amused smile. “Are you nervous?”

 

Ben shrugs. “No. Well, maybe?” He frowns at that. “I want to make a good impression.”

 

Gwil chuckles and turns towards him, hip leaning against the worktop and he gives Ben a sympathetic look. “They’ll like you. You don’t have to worry about anything.”

 

“It’s just...” Ben sighs. “It’s stupid, but I want to be a good fake husband?”

 

“C’mere.” Gwil smiles and opens his arms. As soon as Ben steps up to him, he wraps his arms around Ben, pulling him in a tight hug. “You’re an amazing husband, so shut up. They’ll like you.”

 

Ben easily sinks against Gwil’s chest and buries his face against his shoulder for a moment. He doesn’t know why he’s acting up like this. He just wants to make sure that he’s leaving a good impression and Gwil’s friends actually buy their story, for Gwil’s sake, mostly. Gwil has left such an impact on Ben’s friends that Ben just wants to return the favour and sell it as believable as possible. After all, they are freshly married and supposed to be happily in love. The fact that Gwil called him his husband instead of his fake husband leaves a fluttery feeling in Ben’s stomach and makes his heart skip a beat.

 

“And now, have a glass of wine, it’ll help with calming your nerves.” Gwil presses a soft kiss to Ben’s temple and then pulls away from him to pour both of them a glass of wine.

 

With a chuckle Ben takes the glass Gwil hands him and raises it. “Thanks. To a great evening then.” Gwil winks at him and agrees with the toast before both of them take a sip of their wine. Ben closes his eyes for a moment, letting roll over his tongue before he swallows and offers Gwil a smile in return.

 

Though, as it turns out when they are all seated around the table, having wine and good food in front of them, all of Ben’s nerves have been wrecked in vain. Gwil’s friends actually are great about their wedding, even if they admit that it seemed a bit rushed and sudden because nobody knew about their relationship in the first place, but none of them judge them for it and Ben can’t help but smile widely as they welcome him into their clique. They are a bit different than Ben’s friends though, not commenting on keeping it secret, since Gwil has never made a secret out of being bi, neither questioning his choice. They are just a bit disappointed that they weren’t invited to their wedding, but nobody is giving Ben a hard time. Instead they tell him he’ll need to hipster up a little more to stick with Gwil.

 

Ben can’t help but laugh and shrug. “I’ll never be hipster enough to live up to his standards,” he says and brings his hand up to rub over Gwil’s back, pushing his hand into his neck to play with the soft hair in his nape.

 

Gwil just smiles back at him and places his hand on Ben’s thigh, gently rubbing over it before he curls his fingers around his knee to give it a soft squeeze. “I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

 

Ben’s stomach flutters again, his heart starting to beat a little faster at that. He can’t help but smile a little wider and then leans in to kiss him softly on the lips, just because he feels like it. It’s over just as quick as it started and Gwil gives his knee another squeeze before he lifts his glass and takes a sip of his wine.

 

Ben takes a sip of his wine as well, but doesn’t take his eyes off Gwil, even though the conversation already moves on. He feels more than good in his company, a warm and fuzzy feeling spreading out in him, and he’s quite sure that this time it’s not the wine talking, even though he’s had a few glasses by now. It’s Gwil, his presence, his words and soft touches.

 

He gets distracted when one of them asks him about Frankie, who has calmed down again as well and is now lying in her basket in the living room, not caring at all about the many people in the dining room, and he happily answers the question. Gwil’s hand doesn’t leave his knee though and Ben can’t help but place his own on top of it, liking their fingers together and give it a soft squeeze.

 

When the last one finally gets up to leave, he claps Ben’s shoulder. “You’re a good lad,” he says and then pulls him into a hug, making Ben smile widely for a moment, enjoying the feeling that they managed to sell their relationship as successfully as they thought they would.

 

“Thanks. You too.” He pats his back and then steps out of the hug to stand next to Gwil again who wraps his arm around Ben’s shoulder, pulling him in. Instinctively Ben’s sneaks his arm around Gwil’s middle in return and he smiles up at him.

 

“He’s the best.” Gwil smiles and leans in for a short peck, making Ben’s knees weaken a little at the touch. It’s not much, and by now they have kissed a few times like that, but it’s intimate and domestic and Ben really wants it. It’s the first time Gwil is kissing him and Ben doesn’t want it to stop.

 

The realisation hits him hard and suddenly. He doesn’t want to pretend and to fake. He wants Gwil, the whole package. Maybe it’s the wine talking. Maybe it’s because Ben has been lonely enough. But he’s pretty sure it’s neither, that he really likes Gwil, likes their little touches and small gestures and he really wants to spend his life with him. The evening made it clear to him. Gwil is a good husband and a good addition to Ben’s life. He’s making him happy and he wants to make Gwil happy in return.

 

He just needs to figure out if Gwil wants him back.

 

Once the door is closed behind Gwil’s mate after a hug goodbye between them, Gwil lets out a soft laugh and shakes his head a little. “Told you it would go well,” he says and pushes away from the front door, rubbing over Ben’s back as he passes him on the way to the dining room.

 

“Yeah, you said.” Ben hums contently and follows him to help him with the clean-up. “I like your friends. They’re cool.”

 

Gwil looks up at that and grins. “Thanks. I think we’d never use ‘cool’ as a word to describe us though.”

 

Ben snorts. “What would you want to hear? Losers?”

 

“Would be a bit more fitting, wouldn’t it?” Gwil asks back and chuckles before he continues to stack the plates.

 

“No. You’re not losers. You’re just having dinner parties during which you talk about food and cooking. It’s a nice, grown-up way to spend your evening, unlike drinking your weight in beer at the pub?” Ben shrugs a little. There is no beating around the bush that these definitely are not topics he’s remotely interested in, but he doesn’t want to judge Gwil or his friends for their interests. After all, Ben doesn’t have to like everything Gwil likes. They have established that Gwil will never understand Ben’s love for football and Ben will probably never understand Gwil’s interest in cooking. There are other things they both like and it doesn’t affect the way they spend time with each other either. It’s normal that people don’t always have to like the same things. As long as they’ve got a few basic things in common and especially the same views on basic relationshippy things, they don’t have to share everything.

 

Gwil looks up at that again and laughs softly. “That’s a nice way to describe you think we’re boring old farts.”

 

“Gwil.” Ben rolls his eyes.

 

“It’s okay. I’m not offended.” Gwil makes his way around the table to come to stand in front of him. He places a hand on Ben’s shoulder and looks down at him, smiling softly. “Thanks for doing this today though.”

 

“Any time, and I mean it,” Ben replies and smiles back up at him. “You’d do the same for me. I mean, you already did. We met my mates at the pub, if you remember.”

 

“That is true. And that was fun.” Gwil chuckles. “I’m sorry for putting you through this though. I know you really tried for my sake.”

 

“You know, cooking just isn’t my favourite activity.” Ben gives him a soft smile and a small shrug. “But it’s fun doing it with you. And I really enjoyed the evening. I’m not just saying that to please you.”

 

“I know. That’s why I meant it. Really, thanks.” Gwil squeezes his shoulder and the look he gives him makes Ben’s heart warm and his knees weaken a little. He could get lost in these blue eyes, in the love Gwil shows him and the way he keeps looking at him.

 

It just drives home that, when this is all over, he’s going to miss much more than just a pretend relationship with a mate. He’s going to miss going to sleep with Gwil and waking up next to him again. The domestic life they share, the way they support each other and the way they get along so easily, fitting into each other’s life effortlessly.

 

All if this reminds Ben that they definitely have already blurred the lines, just as he feared they would. It’s not plain and simple friendship anymore. Gwil keeps kissing the top of his head or his temple or forehead from time to time, making Ben feel warm and secure in a way that he never thought he would feel with Gwil.

 

It’s the little things that remind Ben that he just doesn’t want to miss out on being with Gwil. He wants him. Over the course of the last weeks Ben got so used to having him around, to _being married to Gwil_ that he doesn’t want to miss it anymore. And more importantly, that by now his feelings have grown so much deeper.

 

It started out as a stupid joke but right now Ben might have a little problem. Or a bigger problem. He’s falling in love with Gwil and he doesn’t know how to stop it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH! LOOK AT THAT! Ben finally realised something. Will it help? Will they do something?  
> We'll find out.
> 
> A few people have asked me about sexy times in this fic already and if you came for this, I'm sorry. I don't think I can deliver it with this fic. It just wouldn't feel right? These idiots are so soft and sweet, and so far Ben definitely is not ready yet. It's not a spoiler, but I just want to put up a warning, or info, for people that are interested in that.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO LOVELY PEOPLE. Happy Eurovision Day! For anyone not living in Europe: today is the day we do our annually musical competition that is about everything but not music. Oh, I have to add, since 2015 Australia is also taking part of Eurovision and has been confirmed to do so until 2023.   
> ANYWAY. Big day today, as I LOVE Eurovision. Hee.  
> So, have an update because I don’t know when I’ll be able to update next since I’m a bit busy these days again. 
> 
> Again, kudos to [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) is the best person on the world and the best beta. <3

When the doorbell rings unannounced one morning a few days later, Ben looks up from his phone while Frankie scrambles off the couch and runs towards the door, already yipping in excitement. He’s not expecting anyone, and he doubts that Gwil is either. At least he hasn’t said anything along those lines. Gwil looks over to him and shrugs, so it’s Ben who gets up. “Frankie, down!” He calls out as he makes his way over to the intercom. “’Lo?”

 

“Ben! Open up. It’s fucking freezing outside.”

 

“Joe?” Ben stares at the screen of the intercom and Joe’s face that he can quite clearly see. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Got to London a bit earlier and wanted to spend time with my favourite married couple. Now open up.”

 

Ben rolls his eyes but presses the button anyway, buzzing Joe in. On one hand, he’s excited to see him even before the premiere and the ruckus that’ll start then. On the other hand, Ben has just gotten used to spending time with Gwil, the two of them getting accustomed in their married life together and Ben doesn’t want any disturbances. He wants to stay in this bubble a little longer, because he’s just come to realise his feelings for Gwil, or that he’s starting to develop something that goes way beyond friendship, and right now, no matter how much Ben loves Joe, he just really doesn’t want him to meddle or interfere or mess with Ben’s head. Or asks questions. And he’ll definitely do that. On top of that, he just wants to keep Gwil to himself a little longer, doesn’t want to share him with anyone, and especially not with Joe.

 

It’s not that he doesn’t love Joe, he does. But there’s always this nagging feeling in the back of Ben’s mind that Gwil and Joe share something they haven’t yet told Ben, and he doesn’t quite like it. Of course, Gwil confines in Joe as well, just like Ben does, but there is something else, something Ben can’t quite put his finger on yet, and he’s a bit jealous of the secret they’re keeping from him. Though he won’t ever ask about it.

 

With a sigh he opens the door and holds Frankie back with his leg, although the dog already wiggles excitedly, clearly knowing that someone is coming to visit them. The sounds draw Gwil out of the living room as well and he gives Ben a questioning look. “Visitors?”

 

“Joe,” Ben answers and shrugs, making Gwil frown as well, but before he can say anything about that, Joe already steps through the doorway. He drops his bag and closes the door behind him, smiling brightly at them.

 

“Ben! You look nice, all cosy. Give me a hug!” With that Joe has wrapped himself around Ben, holding him close as he squeezes him tightly and Ben can’t help but chuckle and return the hug, burying his face against Joe’s shoulder for a moment. No matter that Ben wanted to be alone with Gwil only moments before, he loves this man, too, and he likes spending time with him as well. He has missed him and he is definitely more than happy to see him again.

 

“And now you, you handsome giant.” Joe grins at Gwil and steps around Ben to give him a hug, too, making Gwil laugh and return it, his hand gently rubbing over Joe’s back while Gwil’s eyes rest on Ben, who can’t help but blush a little.

 

He feels silly for being jealous. Of course Joe loves both of them equally and he knows both of their secrets. After all, Ben has talked to him about Gwil as well, even though he hasn’t talked to him about his recent discovery just yet.

 

Only once Gwil is greeted properly Joe crouches down and gives Frankie a proper cuddle in greeting as well, ruffling her fur and holding her close as she cuddles up to him, trying to get as much attention from him as possible. It’s clear that she’s got him wrapped around her paw already as well.

 

“What are you doing here, Joe?” Gwil asks after a moment and tilts his head to the side. “Not that I’m not happy to see you. I just didn’t expect to for a few days.”

 

Joe grins up at him and then finally straightens again. “I wanted to spend some time with my favourite friends before all of the premieres start. Is that too much to ask?” He looks from one to the other, waggling his eyebrows. And while that might be a valid enough reason, Ben suspects that Joe wants to check up on them. He hasn’t called him a lot since he moved in with Gwil, simply because there wasn’t any time. After all, Ben had to coordinate his stuff, had to change his address wherever needed and he had a few auditions to do, preparing to work and earn money after this as well. And on top of that, he didn’t really want to talk to Joe. He’s not ready to admit yet that he’s definitely in deeper than he’s ever thought he would. Admitting it to someone else would make it real, and Ben isn’t sure if he wants that right now, not sure if he can face that.

 

It was hard enough to admit it to himself, he definitely needs a little longer before he can say it out loud to another person as well.

 

“Well, I – we?” Gwil looks over to Ben, who shrugs and smiles in return when Gwil includes him in that. “We feel flattered. C’mon, put your stuff in the guestroom, I’ll make you a tea.”

 

Ben follows Gwil into the kitchen while Joe puts his bag away, Frankie following after him, clearly curious about the newest arrival in the flat. “Guess we’ll have to get more food?” He tells Gwil as he sits down at the table.

 

Gwil chuckles a little. “Yeah, I guess so.” He throws an amused look over his shoulder as he puts the kettle on and gets mugs and teabags out of the cupboards. “Want a coffee?”

 

Ben watches him for a moment, his gaze resting on Gwil’s back. He’s wearing a comfortable jumper today, his hair in a mess, glasses on his nose and he looks just so cosy that Ben can’t help but smile. It’s a good look on him. Sure, Gwil cleans up nicely as well, but this is his homey look. This is how he’s looking when no one is around he needs to impress and Ben loves it. When Ben doesn’t answer, Gwil turns around to look at him, making Ben’s eyes meet his again. He blushes a little because he’s been staring. “Uh, yeah. Thanks.”

 

Gwil just gives him a smile in return and then turns around again, switching on the coffee machine as he does and gets another mug. Ben still hasn’t found the time to talk to him. Or the incentive. He knows they should talk. They’re both adults and there is _something_ between them. Ben knows it. It’s definitely not one-sided and it’s not just him. There’s attraction from Gwil’s side, too, and Ben isn’t stupid, even if it took him a little while to admit it, Gwil is at east subtly flirting with him. It’s just that Ben is scared. He doesn’t want to lose Gwil as friend and he’s definitely afraid he’d get rejected. He’s never been in a position like this before and he’s never had to admit to a friend that he’s got feelings for him when they’re already married.

 

God, Ben is more than fucked.

 

 

—

 

 

They decide to order in for dinner because neither of them feels like going out and Joe is having none of Gwil’s offer to cook, no matter if he likes it or not. It’s nice to sit together and eat Chinese take away, share a few bottles of wine and just talk with each other though. Joe makes it feel like it’s like it’s always been, that nothing has changed between them and Ben can’t help but relax into the feeling.

 

Sure, he knows that it’s not true. A lot has changed and he’s quite sure that even more is still going to change as well, especially if they continue to go in a pace like this. But he likes this, right here, right now, just hanging out with Joe and Gwil. It’s simple and nice and everything he has needed in a while. He doesn’t have to think about feelings or how things develop and he feels at ease for the first time since all of this has happened. After all, it’s been weeks and Ben has been on edge the entire time.

 

Joe offers to walk Frankie with him when it’s time for her walk before bedtime while Gwil already collects their empty wine glasses. He looks up at Ben with an amused look. Both of them know exactly what Joe wants. It’s to catch Ben alone, without Gwil hovering and listening in, so Ben shrugs. “Sure, put on your jacket.”

 

Immediately Joe beams and gets off the couch, making his way into the hallway. Ben chuckles and shakes his head before he gets up as well. “He’s something,” he mumbles and looks over at Gwil, who gives him a soft look.

 

“Have fun. And don’t—“ He stops and shakes his head, a small smile on his lips. “No, never mind. Have fun.”

 

Ben frowns at that, tilting his head to the side. “Don’t what?”

 

“No, no. It’s okay.” Gwil smiles a little more and nods towards the hallway. “Go on.”

 

“Okay.” Ben still doesn’t know what Gwil wanted to say, but he doesn’t want to argue now. Maybe it’s nothing important anyway. He whistles softly for Frankie, making her jump off the arm chair she has rolled up on and trot into the hallway as well. Joe is already dressed and eager to get out, quite the contrast to Ben and Frankie, who just seem to want to get into bed. Or at least, not go outside into the cold.

 

“Ready?” Joe asks as he watches Ben slip on his shoes and jacket before he grabs the leash to put it on Frankie’s collar.

 

“Why the hell are you so agitated?” Ben asks back, the two of them making their way outside, pulling the door closed behind them.

 

“I’m just happy to see you. Can’t a man be happy to see his friends?” Joe asks back as he follows Ben and Frankie down the stairs. “And I’m a bit excited about the premieres. Aren’t you?”

 

Ben hums at that. “Yeah.” He is. He’s excited and also a little bit anxious about what’s to come, what he’s got to expect, and what’s expected of him in return. Besides the entire ruckus about the movie, Gwil and Ben will have to put up the biggest farce of their lives. The whole world is watching, thousands of people, cameras and people will expect them to present themselves as the happy couple they are to the world. And sure, Ben is certain they can do it, but this will make it even more official. This will present to the world that they are married. That’s what’s mostly on Ben’s mind. Then it’ll really be official, somehow even more official than meeting the families and friends. Maybe they’ll get asked questions about it. He’s not quite sure how he’ll navigate through that. But he’s got to manage and he’s got to do it without spilling the beans.

 

“It’s going to be huge!” Joe grins and hooks his arm through Ben’s, looking over to him. “C’mon, Benny, smile a little more.”

 

Ben snorts at that. “I’m happy about it, I am. It’s just... I’m nervous, is all.” He catches Joe’s eyes, pleading that Joe won’t press for more, that he’ll accept Ben’s words and that he’ll let him be. Ben doesn’t want to talk about it right now. He doesn’t want to talk about his feelings anymore. At least not right now. He’s certain that there are feelings, but he needs to come to terms with himself first before he can actually say it out loud.

 

“You’ll do fine. You’ve got us with you, right? It’s not like you’re standing up there all by yourself. And you’ve got Gwil.” Joe nudges his shoulder against Ben’s. “He’ll be there no matter what.”

 

Ben hums at that. “Yeah,” he agrees because he knows that. He’s seen how Gwil supports him and is trying to put up a brave face for Ben’s sake, even though he’s probably terrified himself. “I’ll be there for him as well. That goes both ways.”

 

“Of course.” Joe smiles happily at him and nudges him again before he nods towards the left. “Let’s cut the round a little short? I’m cold.”

 

Ben laughs but follows Joe’s request, the two of them cutting their walk with Frankie shorter, and not even the dog seems to mind as she eagerly tugs on her leash the closer they get to their building once more. As soon as Ben has let them all into the hallway she practically races up the stairs, clearly eager to get home.

 

Gwil is already in his pyjama and on his way to the living room again when Ben unlocks the door and he looks even cosier than before. Frankie jumps him, greeting him happily as if she hasn’t seen him in weeks and Gwil laughs, gently running his hand over her head. “Yes, I’ve missed you, too, baby dog. You’re the best, Frankie, the best,” he coos at her, making Ben’s heart melt at the sight. These two are thick as thieves by now and Ben loves it.

 

Joe grins and waggles his eyebrows before he slips out of his jacket and shoes. “Time for bed?”

 

Gwil nods. “Yeah, I figured we could catch up a little more tomorrow during breakfast. It’s late and the wine made me sleepy.”

 

“Good idea. I’m gonna use the bathroom then.” Joe wiggles his eyebrows at Ben again and then slips away, closing the bathroom door behind him.

 

Ben snorts and hangs up his jacket as well before he toes off his trainers. “I’ve missed him.”

 

“Me too. It’s like having a kid.” Gwil chuckles and then gently picks up Frankie, cuddling her against his chest. “But you’ll stay an only child, Frankie, promised.” He presses a gentle kiss to her head and Ben has to bite his lip and look away. No, he’s not going to go there. He can’t. Gwil doesn’t seem to mind though as he puts Frankie down again and then points towards the living room. “You wanna sit down for another minute or so?”

 

Ben shakes his head, giving him a small smile. “No. No... I’m gonna get ready for bed.” With that he turns on his heels and makes his way into the bedroom, trying to sort out his thoughts. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. It must be the wine talking, but Ben did definitely not just think about adopting kids with Gwil for a moment. They aren’t even going to stay married. A few months from now they’ll sign their divorce papers and then everyone will be on their merry way, their marriage a joke in the past.

 

Ben sits down on the edge of the bed and takes a deep breath. God, he’s really in too deep already.

 

 

—

 

 

Having Joe stay with them for a bit before everything starts both reminds him of what is to come and distracts him from it at the same time. Of course, he’s still more than nervous, but Joe’s endless chatter is a welcome distraction before they have to part for the preparations. It does help that they get it all laid out for them, the whole schedule set up by other people for them, planned down to the last second. The sheer scale of it is unlike anything Ben has ever experienced before and while they get groomed for the night, he can’t help but look over and watch Gwil.

 

He looks good in his blue suit, his hair not yet done, but still looking nice and sharp, and Ben can’t help but smile softly. Joe has been right. Gwil will be there with him, and that’s enough to calm him down already. The thought that he doesn’t have to leave the room alone, and that they’ll meet up with Rami and Joe, calms Ben down more than he could admit.

 

Gwil’s eyes catches his in the mirror and he smiles at him mid-sentence, bright and warm and full of feelings, the look in his eyes soft, and Ben can’t help but smile back, feeling himself relax even more, before turning back to the stylist who is making him look presentable for the big night.

 

By the time they get out of the car at Wembley, Ben feels more than overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people out there. He takes a shaky breath and looks over to Gwil, trying to catch his attention. It takes him a moment, but then is Gwil is smiling at him, gently grabbing him by the shoulder and squeezing lightly as if to say he’s there, he’ll always support Ben, no matter what.

 

And Ben couldn’t do this with anyone else by his side. Of course he’s happy that Rami and Joe are there as well, but he couldn’t do this without Gwil. It’s silly, he knows it is, but it drives it home once more for Ben that he definitely has a bigger problem than pretending to be married for the outside world.

 

Brian and Roger act like proud parents when they spot them and like they are personally responsible for bringing them together and on top of his nervousness, he feels a little more stressed by that. It reminds him of Vegas and how much they’ve actually fucked up, how much has changed in the weeks since then. After all, it’s almost been two months now, even though due to everything that has happened, it feels like it’s been a lot longer.

 

Anita comes over to them and she smiles brightly, hugging each one of them before she leans back and takes them in. “What a fine couple you make. Congratulations. Really. It came a bit by surprise, but we’re all happy for you.” She squeezes their arms and then she’s on her way again, leaving Gwil and Ben standing in all of the madness that is happening around them.

 

Ben looks up and at the same moment Gwil is looking down at him and he smiles, reassuring and soft and Ben can feel his heart flutter. He takes a step towards him and wraps his arm around Gwil’s middle while Gwil wraps his around Ben’s shoulders, the two of them giving each other silent comfort for a moment. It’s definitely nice to go through all of this together, to have Gwil’s calming present at his side. Ben wouldn’t want to change it for anything in the world anymore. Gwil’s hand moves into his neck and he gives him a soft squeeze, making Ben catch his breath and straighten his back a little. It’s exactly what he needs.

 

 

—

 

 

The party after the premiere is amazing, and they all drink a little too much, even though they should probably hold back. Allen jokes that they are going to adopt a child if they don’t watch out. “You spend too much time with Joe,” Gwil tells him and wraps him up in a hug, pulling Allen against him. It makes Ben laugh but then Allen pulls him into the hug as well.

 

“No, please, I don’t want a threesome!” Ben calls out and laughs, trying to weasel his way out of the hug. But Allen’s got a deathgrip on him and he’s definitely not letting him go.

 

“No. You’re both traitors because you didn’t invite me to your wedding.”

 

“Sorry, Allen. Really. It just happened. It’s not like we planned it.” Ben gives him a sheepish look. They have talked about sharing their secret with Allen, but both of them agreed that they don’t want to drag him into this mess. It’s hard enough for Joe, Rami and Lucy as it is, neither Ben nor Gwil wants to add that burden to another friend’s consciousness. And Allen has been nothing but supportive throughout the whole course of this mess. He’s been really trying to make Gwil and Ben feel good about their relationship, and in the end they don’t want him to feel betrayed by the truth. It’s a bit late to tell him the truth now anyway, almost two months after their spontaneous wedding and he’d probably feel like they didn’t trust him enough. Which, of course isn’t true, but neither Ben, nor Gwil really wants to make him go through something like that.

 

“I’m also a little mad that you told Joe and Rami but didn’t tell me. But only a little bit mad, because I get that you didn’t want so many people to know because you didn’t want to draw attention from the movie and all.”

 

“Yeah... Sorry. We’ll invite you to the next wedding.”

 

“Hopefully there won’t be a next wedding!” Allen laughs at that. “Only if you renew your vows, then a next wedding is allowed. Were there vows?”

 

Ben shrugs. “Honestly? Don’t know. We were both too drunk for that.”

 

“A shame. I’ll have to ask Joe.”

 

“You do that.” Gwil says with a laugh and shakes his head fondly. “I think he remembers everything. In contrary to us, which is a bit sad.”

 

“Ah, no worries. You can always have a bigger ceremony in the summer,” Allen suggests and smiles then. “The weather will be nicer and you can invite a lot of people. Me, and my future wife, for example. Because we invited you to our wedd— Oh crap.”

 

Ben and Gwil tilt their heads to the side and blink at him. “What?” Gwil asks, carefully.

 

“We’ll have to rearrange the seating chart. Ah, this will change everything. But good thing I got reminded of that now.”

 

Ben chuckles softly. “Well, you tell that to your future wife. I’ll get myself another drink.” With that he pats Allen’s back and then finally steps out of the embrace, making his way over to the bar to catch his breath.

 

Of course it’s nice that Allen, who knows them so well, buys their story so effortlessly. Just like it’s nice that their families and friends believe it so easily. But right now Ben doesn’t feel like it’s a win any longer. It’s not pretence from his side anymore. He’s definitely in too deep, and the evening, having Gwil by his side to calm him down and make sure he’s okay, have driven that home for him. He definitely doesn’t want to get a divorce anymore. He’s not even sure he ever wanted to get one in the first place once the shock of what happened died down, if he’s honest with himself. Gwil is the best husband Ben could imagine. He’s thoughtful, caring and he makes Ben feel loved and cherished, just like Ben wants to love and cherish him in return. He also wants to snog him and maybe do a little more sexy things with him. But that’s written on a different page and no thoughts for a night like this. And he’s definitely not blaming these thoughts on the alcohol any longer. It’s what he feels about Gwil, and it’s time for him to face the truth.

 

When Gwil comes up to him and smoothly slides into the spot next to Ben, giving him a small grin, he pulls him out of his thoughts. “Hi.”

 

Ben laughs softly and raises his eyebrow, giving Gwil an amused look. “Hi. Are you trying to come on to me?”

 

Gwil shrugs. “Well, you’re a pretty guy in a sheer shirt, what am I supposed to do? And you’re my husband, so yeah, maybe I am.”

 

“How much did you have to drink, Gwil?” Ben asks back, raising both of his eyebrows at him this time.

 

“A few, but not too much,” Gwil replies and steps closer to him, his arm coming to sneak around Ben’s waist, hand sliding under his suit jacket and he leans in to him. Ben feels himself blush at the action, his cheeks heating up and he tilts his head upwards. Gwil’s eyes flick over his face, taking him in and making Ben’s heart beat a little faster. “You look really good tonight, Ben.”

 

Ben licks over his lips, the compliment sending a soft and pleasant shiver down his spine. He hasn’t been close like this to Gwil with such sexual tension in the air between them since their wedding night. Sure, there were the occasional kisses they’ve shared for their friends, and they’re cuddly at home, but never like this, never this wanton, and the touches with a hint of intent of more. His gaze drops to Gwil’s lips and he can’t help but wonder.

 

He wants it, wants to snog Gwil again, wants to remember how he tasted and how his lips and tongue feel against his own. But on the other hand, they’re still on public display, eyes resting on them again, like they’re an exhibit at the zoo once more. And Ben doesn’t want to share this, doesn’t want to share Gwil, not again, not like they did when they got married.

 

The next kiss Ben wants all for himself.

 

“We should get another drink and then find the others. You know Joe, he’s the life of a party.” He pulls away then, patting Gwil’s side a little and nods towards the bar.

 

For a moment there flicks something over Gwil’s face that Ben can’t place, something close to disappointment. But quickly Gwil catches himself again and he nods. “Yeah, another drink and then find the others,” he agrees slowly and averts his eyes, signalising the bartender that they want another drink.

 

Ben watches him for a moment, not sure what to make of this. Maybe, he muses, Gwil really does want him more than he thought. Whatever it is, Ben needs to figure this shit out and he needs to talk to Gwil about it. But not tonight. Tonight they’ll have to celebrate the movie they made and that it’ll hopefully turn out to be a huge success. They’ll also have to celebrate that Gwil and Ben didn’t mess anything up with their spontaneous Vegas wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben is not stupid anymore. Well, not as stupid as he was.   
> Remember, there will be a happy ending. I can't stress that enough, haha.  
> I hope you like this!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT PEOPLE. This is not a drill. I think it's safe to say that this is my favourite chapter up until the very last. I can't tell you why yet, but you'll see. I hope you'll like it, too.
> 
> Again, [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) is the best person on the world for reading this over. <3

After the New York premiere, doing the rest of the promo with the other boys and Lucy is something Ben can do again. So he is definitely more than happy that they can finally leave the country again to travel and see the great reception of the movie all over the world. It’s not that he can get away from Gwil anyway, but Ben needs to figure out where this is going, where his feelings come into play and doing that while they’re living their domestic, married life at home with Frankie really isn’t helping him. He isn’t really sure how to handle all of this anyway, how to handle his feelings towards Gwil and deal with them. They didn’t talk about their almost kiss at the bar the other night, not when they went back home and not after New York either. Ben didn’t bring up the courage to say something and he had the feeling that Gwil didn’t want to talk about it either. Gwil seemed like he was waiting for something and Ben isn’t sure if it’s because Gwil wants him to make the first move or because he doesn’t know how to cope with a situation like this either. However, they just continued like nothing between them had happened at all.

 

It’s not that Ben minds that in particular. He likes working and pretending that nothing is out of the ordinary. He also likes the way the reporters try to sneak in questions about their marriage but always get shut down by their handlers. If Gwil and he hadn’t already messed up in the first place they probably would’ve made a joke about it, but Ben doesn’t want to pull PR’s wrath onto them again, so he rather keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t comment on it.

 

This way it’s mostly Rami and Joe who tell a few anecdotes, making sure to make everyone believe that Gwil and Ben have fallen in love way before the marriage happened and that it wasn’t a big secret on set, at least not to the two of them. Ben could kiss both of them; because they are quite obviously trying to be more than supportive and make sure that they don’t get into any more trouble than they have manoeuvred themselves into anyway.

 

Yet it still feels a little weird to be talking about this, even though he likes the official story, and even though it makes perfect sense. It’s still different to see Rami and Lucy interact with each other though. They are subtle and it’s barely there, just a few light touches here or there, that show that they really are a couple.

 

Of course people know about it and they have been papped together more times they can count, and yet Ben’s and Gwil’s marriage has managed to take the focus away from that. Both Rami and Lucy, seem quite happy about that, even though they don’t really want to show it, out of respect for their friends, and Ben appreciates it as well. It would be a bit harsh if they rubbed it in too much, especially since they don’t know anything about Ben’s feelings for Gwil and him slowly coming to terms with his sexuality.

 

It’s not that what really bothers him though. He doesn’t mind that he’s not as straight as he thought he was. It’s got more to do with the fact that it’s Gwil he’s fallen in love with. He’s his friend, one of his best friends, and Ben went and fell in love with him. Maybe, he muses, even before the marriage happened. After all, his drunk self thought it was a great idea to marry Gwil and drunks and children always tell the truth. So maybe it just didn’t have anything to do with the fact that Ben was a lonely idiot. Or at least not only that. Maybe he was a lonely idiot in love with his friend and didn’t realise it sooner.

 

Whatever it was, now Ben can’t get the thoughts from a few weeks ago back, after all, by now it’s been over two months since he woke up married to Gwil. Ben can just focus on his thoughts right now, trying to get them back into order. Of course, Gwil seems to notice that something is up with him, but luckily for Ben he doesn’t say anything. He wouldn’t have any idea how to answer anyway. Instead he just tries to make their relationship and their time in Japan as enjoyable as possible.

 

The PR people are more than happy about how all of this has turned out and by now they want to use Ben’s and Gwil’s marriage for the purpose of pushing the movie – after all, this is what people are talking about. And while Ben gets it, he’s also dreading it a little. The premiere in Tokyo goes over just as smoothly and Ben likes to feel Gwil’s presence by his side, his hand on his back, the warmth seeping through the suit he’s wearing. It’s more than nice, to know that Gwil is there and trying to be as comforting as Ben needs him to, all while Gwil could probably use someone to keep him calm as well.

 

In all of this mess, Ben is trying to be as much of a rock for Gwil as he is for him. But he’s got the feeling that he’s failing gloriously. At the moment he’s too occupied coming to terms with his feelings, and that he just went and fell in love with Gwil, without a warning, without a security blanket. And right now he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with it, if he’s supposed to do something about it at all. He just wants to be a good husband and make sure that Gwil is having a great time as well, although he’s not too sure he’s able to give that to him, no matter how hard he tries.

 

The people in Japan help a lot with the way they treat them, helping Ben to distract himself from the current situation he is in. They reconstruct the famous Queen moments, making all of them laugh and enjoy the moment.

 

They end up having an amazing time singing karaoke and drinking a lot, again. But this time Ben doesn’t feel stupid enough to do something. He can’t quite describe it, but with the almost-kiss after the premiere, Ben doesn’t feel like he wants something to happen publically. Sure, he definitely still wants to kiss Gwil and he surely wants to try more as well, he just wants to make sure that it’s going to happen when no one is watching, when it’s just the two of them. That it’s for them, and not to sell the story they are supposed to tell. Gwil, however is sticking to his side and making sure he’s okay, and taking care of him, even though he clearly is drunk off his face as well. It is something Ben could get used to, definitely. He’s probably already gotten used to it, if he’s really honest, because he doesn’t want to miss it in his life anymore.

 

He loves Gwil’s gentle touches and how he keeps his arm around him, only subtly, but it’s there. He definitely looks like he’d like to kiss Ben, just like he did after the London premiere, but neither of them makes a move, they just keep touching and touching each other, and driving Ben out of his mind with how close they are, with all the things left unsaid between them. Yet he still doesn’t master the courage to talk to Gwil himself.

 

Ben looks over to him and smiles, finding Gwil smile back at him. He brings up his hand and cups Ben’s cheek, his finger gently stroking over his cheekbone. It only makes Ben smile a little wider and he reaches up, grabbing Gwil’s hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze. This man will be the death of him, that’s for sure.

 

 

—

 

 

The next day comes with a hangover and more interviews, but Ben tries his best to smile through all of it. He lets Joe talk, mostly. Everyone lets Joe talk because despite having drunk the most, he seems the most awake as well. Ben really doesn’t know how he’s doing it but he’s glad he’s there and Ben doesn’t have to do the talking. He can just slide through the whole interview by smiling from time to time, nodding along and murmuring something from time to time. Granted, it’s not his best performance, but right now he doesn’t care.

 

Somehow he makes it through the day and when he looks at the others, they all look like they could use a break as well. It’s a relief that they seem to have overdone it a little as well, yet they’re all professional enough to smile through it. But once the day is over, the prospect of food and them sitting together makes all of them perk up a little, even though Ben isn’t quite sure they should drink more alcohol, considering how much they drank the night before. But somehow he still ends up ordering the first round.

 

“How are you holding up?” Joe asks Ben later when they are standing outside in front of the restaurant they are eating at, Ben taking a long drag from his cigarette.

 

“Good.” He smiles at him and shrugs. It’s the truth. Ben is holding up rather well, considering the mess he’s in. Other than the fact that he’s slowly but surely falling in love with Gwilym Lee, and he’s supposed to keep up the pretence of their relationship in public, acting like nothing is wrong, he’s really doing fine. “I mean it, Joe,” he adds when Joe just raises an eyebrow at him and gives him a strange look.

 

“You sure? We haven’t really spoken much in the last weeks, and I just want to make sure you’re doing okay. I mean, you’re married to a man, Ben. You’re living with him.” Joe looks over his shoulder, making sure that his voice is low enough. “You’re not freaking out or anything?”

 

Ben bites his lip and watches Joe for a moment, contemplating his options. He could tell him. He should tell him. Joe is a good friend, and he probably just wants to help him. And Joe reacted well when Ben told him about his thoughts about kissing Gwil, was supportive and encouraging, like always. Maybe Ben is ready to say it out loud now. “I really am doing fine. I just...”

 

Joe tilts his head to the side, waiting for Ben to continue but when he doesn’t, he brings up a hand and motions for Ben to continue. “You just...?”

 

Ben takes one last drag from his cigarette, and then puts it out, blowing out the smoke deliberately long. He is trying to buy himself some time. Then he leans forward, making sure that really no one can overhear them. “I think I’m falling for him.”

 

“What?” Joe shrieks, making a few people look at them before he steps closer to Ben and wraps his arm around his shoulders, pulling him in to continue in a lowered voice. “What? You sure?”

 

“Yeah.” Ben bites his lip and nods, looking down at his feet. “It’s just... He’s so perfect and he’s lovely and he’s a great kisser. Living with him is amazing, too. Granted, he’s a bit weird, but so am I. So are you. We’re all a bit weird.”

 

Joe chuckles softly. “Thanks. I’m taking the compliment. I’m hella weird.” He hugs Ben a little closer to his side and squeezes his arm. “And yes. That’s good, Ben.”

 

“Is it though?” Ben frowns at him. “Gwil doesn’t... it’ll be over in a few months and we’ll go back to being friends and it will be like nothing has happened.”

 

“It doesn’t have to.”

 

“Of course it does.”

 

“No... Ben.” Joe sighs softly and steps around him to grab his shoulders with both hands, staring him straight in the eye. “You should tell him. That you’re falling in love with him. He should know that. Maybe you could become... more than this fake bullshit.”

 

“But...” Ben leans closer again, frowning some more at Joe. “What if he doesn’t want me back?”

 

“What if he does? Have you thought about the possibility that whatever is happening to you, might happen to Gwil as well?” Joe smiles and gives him a soft look. “You know that he could just... have fallen in love with you, too, right?”

 

“Yeah, he could. But...” Ben shrugs and licks over his lips, drawing his eyebrows together. He’s not sure what he’s trying to say right now. Of course he wants Gwil to want him back, he’d be stupid not to want it. It’s just that... he doesn’t know what to do when they’re at it. And he doesn’t want to make a fool out of himself. Sure, it’s not so much different from the sex he knows, and Ben definitely knows what he likes, he just would want to know he’s good at what he’s doing first, before he does anything with Gwil.

 

“But?” Joe asks again, giving him an encouraging look and Ben sighs.

 

“I’m— I don’t know what I’m doing? I mean, it’d be weird, right? I don’t want to do it wrong... You know. When we get to it?”

 

Joe smiles at him and brings one hand up to pat Ben’s cheek softly. “Oh Ben. You’ve found the right man to deflower you.”

 

“Oh god, stop it.” Ben nudges Joe’s hand away, feeling his face flush. That’s not what he’s tried to tell Joe and that’s definitely not what he wants him to think. He pushes Joe’s hand away and shakes his head. “It’s not that I’ve never had anything up my bum before. Just not a man’s dick.”

 

“Did you just...” Joe stares at him a moment, completely trying to understand what Ben just said to him before he starts snickering. “Oh, Ben. You’re a dirty bastard.”

 

Ben just rolls his eyes, his face still flushed. “Shut up. I should’ve never told you in the first place. You’re just making fun of me.”

 

“I swear to god, I’d never make fun of you for confessing such a secret to me. Really, Ben.” Joe grabs his arm to give it a soft squeeze. “I think it’ great that you’ve done stuff like that. And it’s admirable that you can just tell me that. But Gwil still is the right man to do this stuff with, and other stuff. I mean, you’re married. You’re allowed to have sex with each other.”

 

Ben frowns at that. “Yeah, but we’re not really...” He looks over his shoulder, stepping aside when someone pushes past them to get to the ash tray and he pulls Joe to the side with him to keep talking in a low voice. “We’re not really together and even if Gwil is bi, doesn’t it necessarily mean he’s into me.”

 

“Ben.” Joe snickers a little. “I’m straight and even I can admit that you’re one hell of a good looking, sexy man. Believe me. Gwil is into you.”

 

“But I can’t just walk up to him and be like ‘Hey, wanna fuck?’. It doesn’t work like that.” Ben sighs softly. He also hasn’t thought about that and he really shouldn’t have started drinking again tonight. This is horrible. But the thought of walking up to Gwil and maybe just snogging him silly right now, makes Ben’s stomach tingle. Granted, the feeling is a little lower than in his stomach, but he would really like to try that kiss again. Anything beyond that, Ben hasn’t really dared to think about it properly. Sure, he wants to try. He’s done stuff before, and he knows that he likes it. He just doesn’t know what to do with Gwil and how to make him feel good. He’s definitely more nervous about that than he wants to admit, now that his inhibitions are finally lowered enough to allow his mind to go there.

 

But Ben could also be overreacting. Maybe doing something sexy with Gwil wouldn’t be so much different than anything he’s done before. After all, Ben knows what he likes himself and how it feels like to touch himself, he could just try. Ben has always been good at trying to figure out what his partners liked in bed. Not that there were many, but after his last relationship ended, he definitely did try the dating business and had meaningless sex more than once and while it was okay, there was always something missing. So maybe having feelings put into the mix, is just what he’s been missing all this time.

 

And Ben definitely is curious about Gwil’s body. Of course, living in each other’s pocket for a few weeks has made it possible for him to see everything. Not that he hasn’t seen him before, but it’s always different to have someone’s body up close, not even naked. Ben’s not even sure pure nudity turns him on. He likes the hidden features a little more, the bulge in his pants or pyjama bottoms when Gwil wakes up, his morning wood more than visible. Ben has definitely looked, and he’s felt it on his body already several times, the two of them pressed together in bed sleepily. Now Ben is curious to touch as well. He’s not shallow, by all means, and he’s not objectifying Gwil either. But he definitely is a handsome man and Ben does definitely feel attracted to him on top of the whole being in love thing. Granted, by now he feels a little more than just a little attraction, and he might have had a wank or two with Gwil in his mind, so he really wants to try with him. He’ll just have to find the courage to do so.

 

“Well, you could. But you could also start with a kiss. People know that you’re married. Rami won’t mind, the others in there won’t mind. Grab the man and drag him off into a corner and make out with him.” Joe snickers a little and pats his back. “C’mon, let’s head back inside.”

 

Ben takes deep breath but nods anyway. They should get back to the others, who are probably waiting for them already. And while Joe might think that snogging Gwil might be the best solution, Ben isn’t really sure. Not in a restaurant, not out in the open like that. He doesn’t want others to see, doesn’t want to share this, not when he’s already shared so much with the public before and there is already a video of Gwil and him snogging each other on the internet. The next time they’re kissing, really kissing, Ben wants it to be just for them, with no one else around, he thinks to himself once more. He doesn’t want to share Gwil again.

 

When they make their way back inside however, Gwil beams at him like Ben is the best thing in the entire world and he holds out his arm for him, waiting for Ben to slide next to him again. Gwil has always been affectionate when being drunk, but now that they are married, he practically showers Ben in love and adoration. It’s more than he does at home, where no one around to watch them, and it makes Ben’s heart flutter a little, even though he knows that he’s partly putting on a show. With a smile Ben comes to sit down next to him and leans in to peck him gently on the lips. “Hey.” Since they have done a few pecks like these already, and Ben should have gotten used to them by now, but they still leave a tingling feeling inside of him and make his heart beat a little faster.

 

Gwil scrunches up his face at him though and scoffs. “Cigarettes.”

 

“Sorry.” Ben gives him a soft smile and brings up his hand to cup Gwil’s cheek, gently rubbing his thumb over his cheekbone in apology. “I’m gonna pop in a gum.”

 

Gwil hums, leaning a little into the touch and shakes his head. “Nah, leave it.” He leans in and rubs his nose against Ben’s cheek, his arm tugging him in a little closer and Ben goes easily, sinking against his side. It feels nice to be in Gwil’s arms like this, out in the public as well, even though he doesn’t want to share this intimate moment. He’s sure neither of them is acting right now, at least it doesn’t feel like it. They have cuddled like this at home before, intimate and affectionate and it makes Ben feel so many things. It makes him feel warm and secure, no matter where they are and that people are quite probably watching them. He doesn’t care about that. He doesn’t care that this is all supposed to be acting.

 

But to Ben this doesn’t feel like acting anymore. Not when it’s something they’re doing at home as well. Of course, Ben can only speak for himself, but to him it doesn’t feel like he has to pretend to like it. He likes Gwil’s touches, his hands on his body and sometimes even his little kisses. Ben definitely wants to try more than that, wants to do everything with Gwil, wants to take this to the next level.

 

But he still doesn’t know what to say, or how to start.

 

Of course, he wants more. Not just this and sex. He wants a real relationship. By now he is more than sure that it’s not a stupid feeling coming out of his loneliness. Joe is right, Gwilym Lee is a good guy, and he definitely is a good husband and Ben can be lucky to have him. But Ben also doesn’t want to ruin what they have. No matter how strange it sounds. They have a good friendship going and they trust each other, giving the other someone to lean onto in all of this mess. From here on it’s easy to pretend that nothing has gone wrong and nothing has to happen between them. In a few months they can still go back to being friends, without being married to each other. And no matter how much that hurts Ben, it’s definitely still a possibility. He’s afraid that Gwil could turn him down, even though he’s quite certain that he wants him, too, with the way he’s looking at Ben and keeps touching him.

 

“Wanna go back to the hotel?” Gwil asks softly, pulling Ben out of his thoughts with voice low. He runs a hand through Ben’s neck; the soft touches making him shiver a little.

 

Ben hums at that and nods. “Yeah. We’ve got another day of promo coming.” He smiles up at Gwil, his hand coming to rest on Gwil’s thigh and he gives it a soft squeeze.

 

Gwil just smiles back at him, soft and warm, making Ben’s heart skip a beat at the expression on his face. He leans in for another peck, making Gwil laugh against his lips. “And you’ve had a bit to drink.”

 

“You too. You always get handsy.”

 

“Well, you didn’t seem to mind.” Gwil snorts at that and moves to sit back again. Ben wraps his hand around his wrist, tugging him back in.

 

“I don’t. I like it when you touch me.” He bites his lip, giving Gwil an open look. He’s putting himself out there and he really hopes that Gwil understands it. Ben doesn’t know if he wants to say more just now, but he’ll run with the situation, should one arise.

 

“Oh?” Gwil raises his eyebrows, his gaze dancing over Ben’s face when the realisation of what he just heard hits him. “Oh.”

 

Ben lifts his shoulders and he moves his hand until he can grab Gwil’s and link their fingers together. “So, do you want to go back to the hotel?”

 

Gwil smiles at him and nods, giving Ben’s hand a soft squeeze. “Yeah.” His voice has gone a bit husky and Ben tilts his head to the side, watching him curiously. Gwil’s eyes come to rest on his, and there is something else shining in them now, something that makes Ben’s breath hitch in his throat. He is about to say something else, when he smiles and shakes his head. He doesn’t want to ruin the moment and the mood, not when they actually could leave to something. It still makes him nervous, but the thought that Gwil will be there with him all the way definitely takes a lot of the pressure off. Then Gwil turns his attention to the others. “Ben and I will head back to the hotel now. You know, catch a bit of sleep before the next promo day tomorrow.”

 

“Uh-uh. Sure. Sleep is super important.” Joe waggles his eyebrows and grins at them, making Rami snicker next to him.

 

“Good night, boys. Sleep well.” He gives both of them a small wave before he winks at Ben, making him flush bright red in the face. Since when did he become flustered so easily? He really wants to curse the sake he’s had, even though he isn’t sure that the alcohol is to blame for this. “Don’t do something we wouldn’t do either.” Rami grins a little more at that and leans back in his chair, giving them a smug and knowing look and somehow Ben feels like he’s missing something here. It seems like everybody knows more than him about all of this, and he really doesn’t like that.

 

But Gwil just laughs next to him, giving Ben’s hand a soft squeeze. “Sleep,” he empathises and then gets up, waiting for Ben to join him. It’s nice, it really is. Gwil isn’t tugging him around, he’s waiting for Ben to do things on his own, and Ben likes it.

 

They say their good night to the others again and then they make their way out of the restaurant. Ben doesn’t know why, but there is a car waiting for them, to bring them back to the hotel and he doesn’t question it. Suddenly he feels more than nervous once more, his palms sweaty. His heart is hammering in his chest and he stares to his left, watching the lights go by the window, desperately willing himself to calm down a little as he tries to wipe his clammy hands on his jeans, trying to dry them off. He wants this, of course he does. It just makes him more than nervous to think about it.

 

A soft touch on his hand startles him. He looks down at Gwil’s fingers that wrap around his once more, the golden wedding band shining brightly on his left ring finger. Ben takes it in for a moment, still not sure how all of this has happened and how in the world he landed here, in the car now, with Gwil, on the way back to their hotel, feeling like he’s in a really bad episode of EastEnders again, the only thing missing right now is the dramatic music in the background.

 

He isn’t even sure he wants to have sex with him anymore, or if it’s just been a heat of the moment thing. Of course, Ben wants to have sex. He likes having sex. And he’s definitely turned on by Gwil. But the thought also scares him. He maybe even panicking a little internally now that they are in the car. Gwil is his friend. No matter that they are pretending to be husbands right now. Gwil is his friend first, before everything else. He doesn’t want to ruin it by making it physical. He’s definitely more than confused right now. On the one hand, he really wants to have sex with Gwil, on the other, he doesn’t, because he doesn’t want to ruin anything. But it could lead to them having more than this, them starting a real relationship and that is something Ben really would like, even though there is still the little nagging voice in the back of his mind that’s telling him that it would just ruin their friendship.

 

Ben sighs softly and then he looks over to him, finding Gwil watch him with a soft smile on his face. The little something that was visible in Gwil’s eyes from before has completely vanished and everything Gwil is showering him with now is nothing but fondness and a sweet look. “Hey.”

 

“He—“ Ben’s voice breaks and he’s got to clear his throat. “Hey.”

 

“You all right?”

 

Ben nods shortly and gives him a small smile. “Yeah.”

 

The smile Gwil returns is just as fond as ever, but there are a few traces of worry visible on his face. “You know, there is absolutely no pressure, Ben. I’m not expecting anything from you.”

 

“I know.” Ben blinks and smiles. “I know you don’t.” He takes a deep breath and shifts a little in his seat, facing Gwil a little more. “I...” He bites his lip, trying to find the right words. He doesn’t really know what he wants, and maybe that’s unfair to Gwil, but he really wants to try it again. “I like kissing you.”

 

Gwil smiles at him and gives his hand another squeeze. “That’s good.” He nods encouragingly. “Because I like kissing you, too.”

 

Ben chuckles and then leans forward, resting his head on Gwil’s shoulder. “Fuck, this is so weird.”

 

“No. It’s not. It’s us.” Gwil chuckles and presses a soft kiss to the top of Ben’s head. “Alright, maybe it’s weird. But we’re weird. So it’s a compliment.”

 

“You think?”

 

“Yeah, I think so.” Gwil wraps his arm around Ben’s shoulders and hugs him against his side, making Ben sink against him easily. He loves the way he fits into Gwil’s arms so effortlessly. He doesn’t have to pretend with him, he can just let himself fall and he knows that Gwil will catch him. Ben really hopes that Gwil feels the same with him as well. He wants to provide a shoulder for him to lean on, too. But right now Ben doesn’t feel like he’s steady enough to do it. He can’t even steady himself, so he definitely can’t be there for Gwil.

 

He doesn’t get to dwell too much in his thoughts though because the car arrives at their hotel much sooner than Ben would have liked. He follows Gwil out of the car and grabs his hand again, the two of them making their way into the hotel together. There are a few paparazzi waiting for them at the entrance, but Gwil makes sure that they are quick to step inside, even though they get their photo taken. Ben hopes he doesn’t look too drunk or done with the world, but he shouldn’t mind so much about his appearance. Not when he’s got bigger things to worry about, his head spinning with the thoughts of all of this.

 

Clinging to Gwil’s hand, he follows him to the lifts and then inside. Gwil presses the button for their floor and Ben slumps against his back from behind, wrapping his arms around Gwil’s middle as he hugs him close, trying to give him back some of the comfort Gwil has been offering him.

 

Gwil catches his eyes in the mirror and gives him a soft smile. “Just a tad longer and then you get to sleep, babe.” He gently pats Ben’s hands on his stomach and Ben nods, giving him a small smile in return.

 

“Yeah.” He feels a bit stupid for just going to bed, especially since Gwil had looked at him pretty lust filled only shortly before. But Ben isn’t sure he wants to go through with it anymore. Maybe a cuddle will be enough. He leans in to press a gentle kiss to Gwil’s neck, letting his lips linger on the warm skin for a moment as he breathes him in, the smell of his cologne calming Ben down again. It smells like home and like he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to. The look Gwil gives him when he pulls back is soft and it makes Ben’s heart flutter again. He’s a good guy, definitely. A catch, so to speak.

 

When the door to their hotel room finally closes behind them, Gwil puts his key card down on the table and slips out of his shoes and jacket. Ben watches him hang up the latter while he makes his way further into the room. He shouldn’t be so afraid of everything. It’s just Gwil. He’s great. He’s amazing. He’s clearly holding back on his own desire for Ben’s sake, because Ben is quite certain that Gwil wants him, too. He’s seen it in his eyes, heck, Gwil _told_ him that he likes kissing Ben. Ben shouldn’t need much more. He shouldn’t be afraid, not when Gwil is practically perfect and trying so hard to make Ben feel comfortable.

 

And Ben really wants him. He knows he does. Gwil is an attractive man and it sparks more than a little interest in Ben. He’s enjoyed kissing him, he’s enjoyed the snogs they’ve shared – or at least the one time that Ben can remember. There is not a single reason in the world why he shouldn’t just kiss him again.

 

“Want to use the bathroom first?” The sound of Gwil’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts and he looks up, finding Gwil watching him. Again, there’s slight worry showing on his face and Ben bites his lip. He hates it when Gwil looks at him like that.

 

He takes a deep breath and then shakes his head. “No.” With that he makes his way over to him, closing the distance with a few long strides. When he is standing right in front of Gwil, almost a little too close, he looks up at him, taking in his handsome face, beard prominent, underlining his strong features.

 

Gwil really is an attractive man. He’s nice, lovely and a great husband. And, on top of all that, he’s a great kisser and Ben is quite certain that he’s just as great a lover. Joe definitely has a point. Gwil is the right man to do this with, he’ll leave Ben all the time in the world to explore and cherish what he wants, without thinking too much about himself, and he wouldn’t make fun of Ben for maybe fucking up a thing or, too. Gwilym Lee is the man Ben wants. He’ll just have to do it and let go of his stupid fears. This is Gwil. He’s going to catch him. He’ll just have to jump.

 

Ben smiles up at him, trying to disarm the worried look on Gwil’s face and he takes his face with both hands, rocking up on his toes. Gwil gives him a surprised look as his arms wrap around Ben’s waist in return.

 

“Ben...”

 

But Ben just shakes his head. “Don’t talk.” With that, he bridges the last gap between them and kisses him directly on the lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEN IS KISSING HIM. ALERT ALERT ALERT.   
> FINALLY.   
> It only took them 11 chapters. Well...   
> I'm really curious if you liked it, too, haha.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another huge thanks to [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) for reading this over. <3

When Gwil carefully guides Ben off him and leans back, out of the kiss, Ben blinks his eyes open and stares up at him, tilting his head to the side. This is not what Ben expected. Not that he expected much, if he’s honest. But Gwil has kissed him before and he hadn’t had any problems doing so, even if it was just tiny pecks. And he’s only just told Ben that he likes kissing him, so Ben doesn’t really know where all of this is coming from now.

 

“Ben.” Gwil traces his jaw with his fingers, his gaze flicking over Ben’s face before it comes to rest on his again. “You don’t have to do this.”

 

Ben draws his eyebrows together. “But I want to?” He drops his hands from Gwil’s face to his shoulders, rubbing over them gently, trailing his fingers down to his arms. “I really want to.”

 

Gwil smiles softly at him. “You’re drunk. Let’s do this when you’re sober and sure.”

 

“I am sure.”

 

“You’re still drunk. We’ve done some stupid things already while intoxicated. I don’t want to do something you’ll regret later on.” 

 

Ben frowns some more. “Or you regret later on.”

 

“That’s not very likely. But yes, in case I’d regret it, too.” Gwil gently cups Ben’s cheek, his thumb tracing over his cheekbone. With the way he is looking at him he’s making Ben feel even more confused than he is already anyway.

 

Gwil clearly wants him, Ben is certain of that. But he also turned him down just now. And Ben doesn’t really know how to handle all of this. He doesn’t want to be turned down. He’s not used to it, especially not if he feels strongly about someone like he is about Gwil now. He’s more than sure that he wants to be with him, to go further than a bit of kissing, to try everything with him. He still doesn’t want to ruin their friendship, but he’ll never know if he doesn’t try. And he definitely liked kissing Gwil. He doesn’t even mind the beard while kissing him. It’s scratchy and a bit scruffy, but Ben likes the feeling. Gwil definitely is a good kisser and he’s definitely kissed him like he wants Ben back. And Joe told him to go for it, too, which gave Ben the feeling that Joe knows a lot more than he’s telling him and since Gwil is confining in Joe as well, the hint that Gwil might feel more than he lets on definitely hit a little too close to home for Ben.

 

But right now Gwil is sending him mixed signals and Ben doesn’t know how to handle that.

 

“I won’t regret it,” he tries again, mainly because he wants Gwil to know that he is sure about them, maybe not sleeping with him right now, but about this, about them. Well, he is sure about kissing him for now and touching him and doing things that are a bit more than just kissing. But he needs Gwil to understand that this not just Ben being drunk and doing things on a whim. He really wants him.

 

Gwil smiles a little more and runs a hand through Ben’s hair, gently scratching over his scalp. “Brush your teeth, babe. We should go to bed.”

 

Ben lets out a frustrated groan and pulls away from Gwil then. “Fine.” He’s huffy now, and he knows it, acting like a small child that’s been told what it doesn’t want to hear. But he hates that he knows that Gwil is right. Deep down, not matter how much he wants it, and no matter if alcohol lowers his inhibitions, he knows that Gwil definitely is right about not doing anything right now and taking things slow, doing things when they are both completely sober, maybe even after they have talked for a little bit. Because that is something they should do as well, no matter that Gwil has just turned Ben down or not. They definitely need to talk about this. But right now Ben really doesn’t feel like it. He’s not sure he’d even find the right words for it. Now that Gwil has turned him down, Ben really wants his more than he can put into words. It’s funny, because only moments before he wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to get intimate with Gwil at all. But right now it’s all he can think about. One always wants what one can’t get, he thinks bitterly.

 

“Ben.” Gwil’s voice is gentle and it makes Ben almost wince at the sound of it.

 

“No. You’re right. Of course you’re right.” Ben nods and looks down at his feet, clearing his throat a little. “I’m going to brush my teeth.” With that he turns around and heads into the bathroom. He doesn’t want to talk about it, not right now anyway.

 

He avoids his own gaze in the mirror, not wanting to look himself in the eye. He feels a bit stupid for putting himself out there, especially since Gwil clearly gave him signals that he wanted this, too. But on the other hand, Ben knows that Gwil is right, of course. They should not do this under the influence of alcohol. After all, they stumbled into this mess while being drunk; they should not add something to that pile. He might regret getting intimate with Gwil in the morning. Although he doesn’t really think it, he still might. And he’s quite sure that it’s something he doesn’t want to do to Gwil, he could never. They’ve done enough stupid things under the influence of alcohol by now that he should really have learned his lesson. He can still remember Gwil’s miserable face when he realised what had happened back in Vegas, what they had done. And that look on Gwil’s face is something Ben definitely doesn’t want to see ever again.

 

Gwil, who has been nothing but supportive of him, is just trying to do what’s best for Ben, for both of them, even if it’s declining Ben what he wants right now. It’s the best he can do and even though Ben feels bitter about being turned down, he knows that he’s got no right to demand something from Gwil. Their relationship is not a one way street. Whatever Ben wants from Gwil, Gwil needs to want to give it, too.

 

With a deep breath Ben finally grabs his toothbrush. Quickly he gets ready for bed, gives his face a quick wash and then slips out of his jeans. Finally he looks at himself in the mirror, avoiding his eyes again, but then decides to keep his t-shirt on.

 

When he steps out of the bathroom, Gwil is sitting on the edge of the bed, looking up at him. Ben tries to give him a smile but judging from Gwil’s reaction it isn’t really convincing.

 

“Ben—“

 

“No. It’s fine.” Ben shakes his head and drops his jeans on top of his suitcase. “You’re right. And I’m knackered. We should sleep.”

 

Gwil sighs softly and nods before he gets up. “Alright. G’night.” He squeezes Ben’s arm gently and then steps away from him, making his way into the bathroom.

 

As soon as the door is closed behind Gwil, Ben lets out a soft sigh and sinks down on the bed. He closes his eyes and rolls up under the duvet, curling up on his side, pulling the blanket up to his nose and hiding away from the world. Crap. This is really not how he pictured the night to go. Granted, he hadn’t pictured much, but following Joe’s advice he had at least thought that Gwil would have wanted him, too. And judging from how Gwil leant into him and sought out his touches, it made Ben really believe that he’s not alone in this. He wants Gwil, he does, he’s sure of it now. But it seems like that Gwil doesn’t want him in return, and Ben definitely needs to respect that. He’s not going to come onto Gwil when he really doesn’t want something, even though he’s said something different, leaving Ben confused and more frustrated than he wants to admit to himself. Fuck, the alcohol really isn’t helping with the need for some clear thoughts right now either.

 

He pulls the duvet up to his chin and huffs a little. Sure, maybe he is overreacting, but right now he doesn’t really know what to say or do, so sleep is probably the best solution he can come up with. It will be alright. Eventually. Of course, Gwil is right and they need to be sober to do this, if they do anything at all. Ben needs to figure out if he really likes it, and he can’t do that if he’s not thinking straight. But he has kissed Gwil sober by now, even if it’s been just a few little pecks, he knows he does like that, that he’d like more of that. He’s thought about that more than once already when he was sober. So he doesn’t think that he won’t like having sex with him, or going further than kissing, at least. He’s thinking about it already. And that’s a good sign, at least he likes to think so.

 

When the bathroom door opens, Ben squeezes his eyes shut. Maybe, if he pretends to be asleep, Gwil will leave him alone now, spare him the humiliation. He has tried to talk to him already. Twice. And while Ben normally is all for talking, and he knows that they should talk about this as well, he’s really dreading this one because he doesn’t know what will come out of it and somehow he’s sure that he won’t like what Gwil has to say. Maybe it’s because Gwil knows him too well. Ben should just listen to him, his advice, and his experience with men could definitely help in a situation like this. And Ben really just wants to try everything with Gwil. He’s sure that he’ll like it. But whatever he’s trying to come up with now, his thoughts just run in circles and it’s not leading anywhere. He’s confused and he can’t figure out Gwil and his actions, no matter if he knows deep down that he’s right. It just isn’t what Ben wants right now.

 

“Ben?” Gwil’s voice is soft and Ben presses his lips together for a moment, trying to way his options if he should pretend to be asleep or answer him. God, he feels stupid for doing this. He is not a child anymore. He’s a grown man and he should act accordingly.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Good. I thought you’d be asleep already.” Gwil chuckles softly and the mattress dips a little under his weight as he slides under the duvet.

 

“About to,” Ben mumbles back and wills his body to relax a little more, trying to calm himself down again, so that he’ll actually be able to fall asleep, even though he’s not sure he can. His mind is still racing, trying to figure out where he’s taken a wrong turn in all of this. He just wants to be happy, to love someone and be loved in return, and maybe Ben has been stupid enough to think that this, this mess they’ve created, could lead to something more, something meaningful and something that would make him happy. But he’s been stupid. It could never, no matter what Ben tried to make himself believe, putting himself out there and trying to make Gwil realise that he wants him, was the stupidest thing Ben could do. God, he feels like he’s going to start crying if he keeps thinking about it.

 

“Ben... um... Alright. Night Ben.” Gwil’s voice is a bit reluctant and he sounds like he wants to say something more, but he doesn’t add anything and just stays quiet, so Ben lets out a soft sigh.

 

“G’night.” He squeezes his eyes shut and pulls the duvet a little higher up to his nose, trying to use it as a shield to hide himself away. God, this really isn’t how he pictured the night to go. No matter if he thought that there maybe would actually be sex or at least a nice heavy snogging session if he wasn’t ready for more, this awkwardness really wasn’t what had come to his mind when he thought about going to bed with Gwil tonight. But it’s his own fault, for putting himself out there and taking a step towards what both of them had so clearly wanted. Or what he thought they wanted.

 

While both of them fall silent after that, Ben dwells in his thoughts a little more and he notices Gwil do the same, his body still stiff and not particularly relaxed next to Ben’s, making sure they are not touching at all under the blanket. But he definitely understands it. His mind is racing as well. He really wanted this, he’s sure of it, and he still wants it. And he wants this with Gwil. They already went through so much; they have faced the public, and got the support they needed from their families and friends, from Brian and Roger. Now, there are feelings involved as well, at least from his side. Maybe Gwil likes him a little more than just a friend. Ben isn’t sure about that anymore, but at least he knows now that there are no doubts left, that he’s got feelings for Gwil. Ben wouldn’t react this strongly if he hadn’t. He really, truly loves him. It’s not just platonic love. No, Ben is in love with him.

 

Gwil is kind, caring and the best husband in the world. He clearly is taking care of him, trying to make sure that Ben is comfortable. Ben just wants to spend the rest of his life with him, the thought is dawning on him now. He can’t imagine doing this with anyone else. Gwil has always been there for him, and he’s trying to make things good for Ben, even if it clearly means that he’s putting his own feelings and desires aside. Because he wants this, too, he wants Ben, it was clear to Ben in the restaurant and when Gwil kissed him back, even though for just a moment. He just doesn’t know why Gwil didn’t act on his desires when he so clearly wanted Ben back, just like Ben wants him. Sure, maybe being drunk isn’t the best state to do this in, but they have done a lot worse while under the influence of alcohol. Ben doesn’t mind doing anything drunk and he’s sure he wouldn’t regret it in the morning. And no matter how upset and disappointed he is about the situation right now, he also knows that Gwil is right. Deep down he knows that they shouldn’t do things when they were drunk. That there is the possibility that Ben might regret it, or that Gwil might regret it, too, because they friendship, the bond they’ve formed, is deeper than just a bit of sex. Fuck, he really hates this, the whole stupid situation they are in. It’s more than complicated and it’s driving him mad with worry about every little aspect playing a role in it.

 

But Ben just isn’t sure how to proceed with this now. Sure, he could make the first move again. But Gwil has turned him down now, so he’s definitely not going to throw himself at him again. Not like this. After all, Gwil might be right and maybe Ben doesn’t even want to sleep with him when he’s sober, he can’t be too sure of that, even though he doesn’t think that’s the reason. He’s scared, yeah, and that probably won’t change when he’s not had any alcohol, but Ben has been thinking about doing things with Gwil when he was sober as well, has fantasised about him and wanked to the image of Gwil leaving the shower dripping, with only a towel wrapped around his hips.

 

He lets out a shaky breath and curls in a little more on himself. His head is starting to hurt and he’s not sure if his thoughts are going to lead to anything. He should talk to Joe again, or maybe Rami. He needs to get his thoughts in order before he can continue doing anything. But Ben knows one thing for certain.

 

The next move has to come from Gwil and Ben isn’t quite sure that will ever happen after he messed up so spectacularly tonight. He doesn’t even know why Gwil turned him down, what his reasons were because he so obviously wanted Ben as well. Maybe it’s just because Gwil is only human and certain desires happen to him as well. God, this is leading nowhere. His mind is running in circles and the thoughts that are keeping him awake and his heart beating fast aren’t helping him in any way to reach a conclusion for the mess he’s managed to manoeuvre himself into.

 

Gwil, on the other hand, seems to relax quite easily. While he’s been stiff and tense only moments before, his body is now going slack next to Ben, his breathing evening out. He’s fast asleep within seconds and Ben can’t help but frown at that, drawing his eyebrows together. Gwil surely can’t be as bothered by the whole situation as Ben if he manages to fall asleep as quickly as that.

 

Carefully he turns around a little to look over his shoulder at Gwil, who is lying on his back next to Ben, his face soft, a relaxed expression on his features.

 

It makes Ben’s stomach twist a little. Not only is Gwil giving him more mixed signals than Ben can handle, he seems to be at ease with the whole situation as well, even though he clearly has been trying to talk to Ben before going to sleep, uneasy with everything as well. Sure, maybe talking to each other would be the best solution, but Ben doesn’t find the words right now. He would mess up even more spectacular when he said something now, whatever it would be he’d say. He doesn’t even know what to think, how is he supposed to say out loud what is bothering him? He’s a mess when it comes to talking about his feelings anyway and the situation he is in right now doesn’t help with that in the slightest.

 

He takes a deep breath and turns around on his side again, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to will his beating heart to slow down a little. He needs to sleep in order to be able to handle the next day of promo and to smile through all of this, no matter if Gwil wants him or not. Ben still has a job to do, regardless of his personal feelings. He can be professional and he’ll find the courage to talk to Gwil tomorrow, bring light into the mess again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor confused Ben is confused again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another huge thanks to [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) for reading this over. <3

It has taken Ben a long time to fall asleep, so when he wakes up the next morning, Gwil is already up and out of bed. He can hear him in the bathroom. Ben rubs over his face and then reaches for his phone on the nightstand. It tells him that he’s still got ten minutes until the alarm goes off but Ben is wide awake, even though his body feels more than knackered, the alcohol and the stress of the night before not having let his body catch the rest he desperately needed.

 

He’s not sure what to make of all of this, of Gwil’s and his weak attempt of a talk the night before, of his feelings, of his want and lust towards Gwil. Maybe Gwil is right, maybe he doesn’t want it, maybe it was just his drunken mind telling him that Gwil is a catch and he should be lucky to have him. But Ben was so sure yesterday that he really loves Gwil. That he doesn’t just love him as a friend, but rather he’s really in love with him. But maybe it was the alcohol talking. Maybe Ben isn’t in love with him. Maybe it’s just because it feels good to be with Gwil that he’s projecting everything onto him. But he can’t quite imagine that. Gwil is an amazing guy and he’s great about their whole situation. Sure, he’s got his flaws, and Ben has noticed them after living with him for a few weeks. But everyone’s got flaws, and Gwil is treating Ben more than right.

 

Ben lets out a frustrated groan and rolls onto his stomach before he opens WhatsApp and drops Joe a message. “ _Need to talk to you._ ” He hopes that while Joe surely is up already, he’s not on his phone right now, so maybe he’ll get a bit of time to find the right words what to say, even though he doesn’t know what to say, or what he wants.

 

At least he knows that this right here, wallowing around in bed, isn’t leading anywhere and that his mind is just running in circles, trying to find a way out of the mess. He’s not sure what to make of all of this, and he definitely isn’t sure if his feelings are true anymore or if he’s just projecting onto Gwil. All he knows is that he couldn’t do that to him. No matter how much Ben thinks he wants this, believes he wants more than pretence and fake bullshit, if this turns out to be something he doesn’t really want, and he’ll have to break up with Gwil again, he’s not sure if Gwil will ever be able to forgive him. Or if Ben will be able to forgive himself for that.

 

He looks up when the door to the bathroom opens and Gwil walks out, already dressed in a nice fitting pair of slacks and a jumper, making Ben raise an eyebrow at him. “Good morning, Ben,” he tells him cheerfully and moves over to his suitcase to pack it already half way. “Did you sleep well?”

 

Ben blinks at him acting like nothing happened the night before, like they didn’t have the most awkward time of the lives, and he swallows before he answers. “Yeah.” He clears his throat, his voice suddenly croaky. “Yeah, I did. You?”

 

“Like a log. Bathroom’s all yours.” Gwil doesn’t turn back to him and Ben blinks again, contemplating whether or not he dreamt all of what has happened the night before. Maybe he didn’t get turned down by him, maybe Gwil didn’t say they would regret it.

 

“Uh. Cheers,” he says unintelligently and then gets up, grabbing his clothes out of his suitcase. Once the bathroom door is closed behind him, Ben frowns at his own reflection. Maybe he really dreamt all of last night, the kiss, the talk. Maybe it was his mind trying to see things in Gwil’s actions again that Gwil didn’t even mean. Ben isn’t sure anymore. But he definitely needs to get ready or they’ll be late for the next round of promo.

 

 

—

 

 

Joe gives him a weird look when they all meet up for breakfast. He looks like he’s about to say something but Ben just shakes his head. Yes, he wants to talk, but it’s got to wait until they’re alone. So he ignores him in favour of the coffee and Rami shoots him a smile before he tells him that the fruit bar is exquisite.

 

Ben blinks at that but decides to ignore him as he makes his way to the buffet to get himself something to eat. Out of the corner of his eyes he can see Joe leaning over to Gwil and talking to him, but Ben doesn’t care anymore. He’s too confused for his own liking and he feels a bit tired. He’s done trying to make this into something it’s not and he’ll just let everything run its course. They have a few more hours of promo ahead of them and then it’s time for them to go back home before finally, finally they’ll have a few days of peace and quiet. He’s definitely going to need that in order to sort his racing thoughts, and he’s looking forward to picking up Frankie again, making sure she’s okay and didn’t miss him too much.

 

So instead of focusing on his dramatic love life or lack thereof, he’s trying to keep his mind busy about that. Of course, it doesn’t really help that he’ll have to go back to a flat that isn’t his, to a life that’s supposed to be happy but is nothing but a farce and a fake relationship. But Ben can manage. He’ll smile through it, he’ll just have to avoid talking. It seems like Gwil is a master at that already and Ben has given up.

 

 

—

 

 

Joe finally catches him once the first round of interviews is over and Ben is standing outside to have a smoke, trying to catch a break and get away from this awkward situation. Gwil seems in such a good mood, Ben doesn’t even know what to say. Instead, he’s hiding away repeatedly, smoking like a chimney even though it makes him feel a little nauseous. He has always smoked more when he’s stressed.

 

“So, you wanted to talk to me?”

 

“No. Well, yes. But I think I don’t want to anymore.” Ben takes a drag of his cigarette and looks up at the sky, avoiding Joe’s eyes. He can quite imagine how Joe is looking at him, knowing and yet confused at Ben’s behaviour.

 

“Is it about last night? Did something happen? Did you kiss him?”

 

“No, Joe. Well, yes. I kissed him. But nothing happened.” Ben sighs and finally looks back at him, trying to keep his mood at bay. Joe didn’t do anything wrong and it wouldn’t be fair to him if Ben snapped at him. “He turned me down. Which isn’t something I thought he would but he did. So there you go.”

 

“He... turned you down?” Joe gives him a surprised look at that. “ _Why_?”

 

“How the hell should I know?” Ben asks back. He takes an angry drag of his cigarette and blows the smoke out before he focuses back on Joe. “He just said that we shouldn’t do anything while drunk, in case either of us regrets it.”

 

Joe opens his mouth to say something, before he closes it again, frowning. Then he takes a deep breath and starts again. “Okay. Wow. I... I didn’t think he’d do that?”

 

“Yeah, well, neither did I. But he did. And I’m definitely not going to make an arse of myself again. I’m done, Joe. I’m fucking done with this shit.” He frowns at him, trying to get his raging feelings under control again. He feels hurt, he does, because he’s put himself out there and tried to make Gwil understand that he wants him, but Gwil quite obviously doesn’t want him back. Or at least Ben thinks he doesn’t want him back. Ben isn’t sure what Gwil wants because he has given him so many mixed signals and Ben is just confused about everything right now. He feels frustrated by it and he can’t wrap his head around the fact that he’s made a fool of himself for acting the way he did. He just really wanted this to work and instead of a great night with amazing sex or at least something along these lines, Ben got... well, nothing. His pride got hurt and maybe he got his heart broken a little as well. Right now he just wants to scream and rage and maybe even cry. His head is a mess, as are his feelings and he just wants to stop thinking about it.

 

It doesn’t matter that he knows that Gwil is right, that they shouldn’t do anything while they’re drunk. But it also seems like Gwil doesn’t want to talk to him when he’s sober, judging by how he acted this morning. So Ben doesn’t want to do that anymore either. He’s just done with everything.

 

“No. No, Ben. Don’t do that.” Immediately Joe wraps his arms around Ben and hugs him against his side. “You don’t know... maybe he was just trying to protect you. I mean, you’ve done pretty stupid things while drunk and maybe he was just trying to prevent you from doing something you’ll regret the next morning when you realise what you’ve done? Like, having sex with a guy is different. And you know that Gwil is very considerate.”

 

“Well, fuck that. I know what I want and I’m old enough to make my own decisions, even drunk. I don’t need anyone to make my decisions for me, alright?” Ben stares at him and shakes his head. Sure, Gwil wants to protect him, and yes, he said that he doesn’t want either of them to regret what they’re doing in the morning, and Ben _gets_ that, he just would’ve liked to make his own decision. But on the other hand, he can’t force Gwil into this either. There are two people in this and if Gwil doesn’t want to kiss Ben, doesn’t want more with him, Ben definitely is going to accept that. Especially since maybe it’s Gwil who’ll regret something in the morning. He said something along these lines as well, after all, and Gwil has already regretted marrying Ben in Las Vegas, so he might regret sleeping with Ben as well.

 

“Yes, I know that, Ben. And Gwil knows it, too. Just give both of you a little more time to come to terms with this. I’m sure Gwil hasn’t thought you’d want him at all,” Joe says carefully and rubs over Ben’s shoulder.

 

“Yeah, well, you’ve been talking to him, so you should know.” Ben shakes Joe’s arm off his shoulder and puts out his cigarette. He knows that he’s being unfair now, that Joe doesn’t deserve Ben’s wrath and that he turns to him when Gwil is the person he is angry about. “So why don’t you go and ask him why he doesn’t want to kiss me back? Maybe he’ll tell you. He sure as hell doesn’t want to talk to me about that. King of not talking about important things, that man.”

 

With that he turns around and leaves Joe standing where he is as he makes his way inside again. They’ll get picked up soon for their next round of interviews and Ben can’t wait to pretend to be chipper and happy and so in love.

 

 

—

 

 

Luckily the day goes by without an incident and Ben, even though he’s still mad – he doesn’t even know anymore if he’s mad at Gwil or himself for that matter – managed to pull himself together and fake his loving relationship with his husband as good as he can. Anyone who actually knows him will probably be able to tell his enthusiasm and smiles are all a little off and fake, but thankfully nobody seems to notice or at least nobody asks him about hit.

 

“Anyone fancy dinner?” Rami asks after the promo is finished for the day and looks around, smiling into the group. “I’ve seen a Lebanese restaurant down the street and the reviews on Google were quite good.”

 

“Sounds lovely,” Gwil agrees immediately and looks over to Ben, who just shakes his head.

 

“Nah, I’m out for tonight, sorry. I’ve got a bit of a headache and I don’t feel like going out. I’ll just order room service and go to bed early. After all, we’ve got a plane to catch tomorrow.”

 

“Sure. Of course.” Gwil frowns at him, giving him a worried look but Ben just shrugs and turns away from his gaze, looking back at the other two.

 

“Well, get well soon then?” Rami offers and reaches out to gently squeeze Ben’s shoulder. “Or do you want me to come back to the hotel with you?” He’s giving him a concerned look, of course he noticed that something was off with Ben the whole day.

 

“No, I’m fine. But thanks for the offer. No use in you watching me sleep like a creep.” Ben smiles back at him and then nods at all of them. “Alright, have fun.” He turns away then, making his way to the cars without saying goodbye, to Gwil in particular, not like he’d normally done it. But Ben doesn’t feel like it, not after he pretended to be happily in love all day.

 

He feels like he could scream. He doesn’t know what he wants, doesn’t know what Gwil wants and he would love for things to be easier. But surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, things aren’t easy for him, and he’s stuck in this nightmare of a stupid mess, with no clue how to get out of it. He just wants to get this mess sorted out.

 

This is what he’s been afraid of the whole time. That this mess they’ve created would ruin their friendship, and he’s particularly angry with himself for being stupid enough that he made the final step that led to it ruining their friendship. But right now he doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what to do. All he wants to do right now is curl up in bed and ignore Gwil, not have him close right now. He wants his dog and some space. It’s a bit better that he doesn’t spend the evening with him, because that would just made things even weirder. On the one hand, Ben feels stupid for not cherishing the time he has with his friends, for making the most of it. But on the other he doesn’t want to sit next to Gwil and pretend like everything is alright and they’re happy and good, when they aren’t. Ben’s got enough pretending to do for the public, he doesn’t want to do it when it’s just the four of them.

 

Once back in the hotel Ben takes a shower and then orders room service, just like he told the others he would. He flicks on the telly and leans back in bed while he enjoys the pasta he’s ordered, trying to will his racing mind to stop as he stares at the TV programme.

 

His mind doesn’t stop racing though, not able to rest after the day that he’s had and everything that has happened the night before. But no matter how hard he keeps thinking about everything, he just doesn’t come to a conclusion, too caught up in everything that has happened. So he turns the TV off again and puts his half eaten pasta outside of their room, before he gets up again to head to the bathroom once more.

 

He stares at his own reflection, trying to get his confused feelings in some kind of order, trying to make the confusion and frustration go away. There is also a hint of sadness, slowly crawling its way up. He can feel it already reach for his heart, clenching it a little. He doesn’t want to feel the way he’s feeling right now. He wants to be happy, wants to be in love and be loved in return. And he just doesn’t want it with anyone anymore. He wants Gwil. It’s stupid and just not what Ben expected to get out of this ill-advised Vegas wedding, but this is his life now, this is what he’s managed to manoeuvre himself into and he has no idea how to get himself out of it again.

 

There were times when he just knew what to say and how to handle certain situation, and there were times as well when he could talk to Gwil. But right now he doesn’t know anything anymore, doesn’t even know how to talk to his friend. Because Gwil isn’t just his friend anymore. He’s his husband now, and also part of the problem. Ben wishes he could talk to him, get his advice because Gwil always knows what to say and he’d tell Ben to get his head out of his arse and start to talk.

 

But it’s also what frustrates Ben more than anything. That Gwil doesn’t come up to him to talk to him either. They should have done that, as soon as they were sober. But Gwil pretended like nothing had happened between them when it clearly changed so much between them.

 

He lets out a frustrated groan and then makes his way into the bedroom again after one last glare at himself in the mirror, switching off the light as he gets into bed. By the time Gwil comes back, Ben is already rolled up under the duvet, has pulled it up to his chin and pretends to be asleep. Sure, it’s not the smartest move and Gwil can probably look right through that after all the times they have shared a bed by now, but Ben doesn’t care in the slightest.

 

When Gwil finally slips under the duvet as well, Ben squeezes his eyes tightly shut and hides his face in the pillow, trying not to let it show that he’s awake.

 

Gwil leans over to him and Ben holds his breath, trying to lie as still as possible. But Gwil just leans in to brush a kiss to his shoulder – dressed in a shirt. “Night, Ben,” he whispers before he leans back again and gets comfortable on his own side.

 

Ben lets out a soft breath, letting his body relax once more while his mind still races on. He just wishes he’d understand Gwil and what he means by his behaviour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bitter Ben is bitter.   
> There will be two more chapters after this and one final epilogue and then the story will be over. I'm a little sad but at the same time I can't tell you how happy it makes me to complete this. I call it "my little monster" (lovingly) because it's the longest fic I've ever written so far (and completed), so I'm a bit proud of myself.  
> On the other hand, I've started working on something new. I'm not sure I'll finish it or even start publishing it, but so far writing it is fun, whenever I get to it, and I'd really like to finish it. So let's see, maybe I can prioritise and find the time!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another huge thanks to [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) for reading this over. <3

On the next day Ben is more than tired when they get up to catch their plane back to England, having slept horribly. He doesn’t feel like talking, even though Gwil looks at him a little worriedly when they leave the room. But Ben just ignores him and heads straight for the lift. They only speak necessities and even then it’s awkward. There’s a tension building up between them and Ben knows he should put a stop to it by saying something, but he doesn’t feel like it. He doesn’t want to be the one who opens up and starts talking while it could just as well be Gwil, he already put himself out there and he’s not going to make himself even more vulnerable. Of course he knows that it’s silly. He’s not stupid. But he still doesn’t want to be the one to do it. On their way to airport there’s a strained silence between them in the car, even the driver seems to sense that something is off, stopping his attempts at small-talk a few words in. From time to time Gwil looks over to Ben, looking like he could actually start talking, but eventually he doesn’t and turns back to look out of the window once again. Ben tries really hard to keep the sigh that wants to escape his lips to himself. He’s tired and he just wants to go home.

 

The problem is, he’s stuck with Gwil now. It’s not just that they’re married to each other, he’s also living with him now and Ben really needs some peace and quiet for a moment. He needs to think. Not that a lot has come out of that yet for that matter, but Ben needs to figure out what he wants. He doesn’t even know anymore. Until Gwil turned him down and acted like nothing was wrong, Ben was sure that he was in love with him. Now he’s not sure anymore because he could easily just imagine being in love with him, and that it’s not Gwil, it’s the feeling itself, the idea that he’s not alone, the idea of being in love with someone that’s got him so worked up.

 

But on the other hand, he doubts that’s true. He knows that it’s Gwil. Deep down he knows that Gwil is the one to make Ben feel all of his emotions, even all of this frustration right now, and if it weren’t for Gwil, or Ben’s feelings for him, things would be a lot easier. Ben would be alone right now, yes, but he would be going back home with a friend, and not with someone he’s married to and not able to talk to right now.

 

The worst part about everything though, that besides going home and living in each other’s pockets again, also the Christmas days are drawing nearer. It’s only a few more weeks until that and Ben needs to put on a brave face and smile for that, pretend like he enjoys having his husband at his side while they eat his mother’s roast or while they are with Gwil’s family. Because there are plans for all of that already, of course. He’ll have to smile through their families asking questions again and listening to them telling them that they haven’t seen it, but now that they are out and married it’s quite obvious that they’re in love with each other.

 

And he hates that.

 

He hates that everyone so easily believe they’re in love and a couple and that they’re happy. Because right now Ben is everything but. He’s fucking miserable. He really just wants to have some peace and quiet, a cuddle with his dog and to be somewhere far away from Gwil for at least a bit while he licks his metaphorical wounds. But he also knows that it’s not that easy and he knows that he’ll have to suffer through what he put on his own plate. It’s his fault they’re in this mess and it’s his fault he’s now having feelings for a friend he wasn’t even sure he had feelings for to begin with. Either way, Ben is really mad at himself right now. He’s to blame for all of this and if he could, he’d just take it all back, make sure that none of this ever happened. He doesn’t want to be married to Gwil, doesn’t want to have all of this ruin their friendship and yet he’s on a good way of doing something stupid, of ruining it himself. But he doesn’t know how to stop it now, his feelings too strong to hold them back.

 

Ben doesn’t even have the strength to find the right words now. Even if he tried talking to Gwil, he’s not sure something coherent would come out of it. So he keeps his mouth shut as well, just settles in his seat on the plane, puts his headphones on and curls up on his side. He can feel Gwil’s eyes rest on him but he tries to blank him and instead closes his eyes. Sleep doesn’t come easily, even though he drifts in and out of it for the major part of the flight.

 

When the car drops them off at Gwil’s building, they get their luggage out of the trunk and Gwil unlocks the door and lets Ben enter first. He’s still not saying anything but by now he looks really uncomfortable and Ben starts to feel sorry about it because he’s acting like the biggest arse. He’s tired and he’s frustrated, yes, but he doesn’t want Gwil to look at him like that, knowing that he’s the reason for all of this. He’s always doing this, putting these miserable looks on Gwil’s face and it makes him feel even worse. But on the other hand he also doesn’t want to talk to Gwil, not right now. He doesn’t know what he would say, doesn’t have the courage to find the right words and he’s afraid that he’d say something he might regret later on. Maybe he wants more, maybe he doesn’t. But before he can talk to Gwil about it, he’ll have to figure this out for himself.

 

As soon as the door to their flat is closed behind them Ben lets out a sigh – Frankie is still with the sitter and Ben will pick her up after they’ll get over their jetlag. He wants to make sure to have time for his dog and not fall into bed right after he’s picked her up. It wouldn’t be fair to her either.

 

“Ben—“

 

“I’m tired. I’ll take a shower and go to bed,” Ben says, cutting him off immediately. Of course he knows that they will have to talk. But right now he really doesn’t feel like it.

 

“Don’t be like that, please.”

 

“Like what?” Ben looks over his shoulder to look at him, feeling the frustration he’s built up over the last days bubbling up again, threatening to boil over. “You made it clear that you don’t want what I want. So what else do you want me to say?”

 

“That’s not...” Gwil shakes his head and clears his throat. “That’s not what I meant by that, Ben. And you know it.”

 

“No, I don’t. Because you didn’t say anything to clear it up. And it’s fine. You’re right. We don’t want to do things we regret later on. So we’re not doing anything.” Ben turns back and makes his way towards the bathroom, his heart racing already. No matter that he’s tired, he’s frustrated and mad at himself for being such an arse and right now he just wants to have a moment without Gwil hovering and watching over him, making him feel even worse about himself and how he’s dealing with everything because quite frankly Ben knows that he’s not doing the best he can and he’s overreacting. “I’m going to sleep in the guestroom tonight.”

 

Maybe it’s a bit drastic, he thinks, as he closes the bathroom door behind him. But sleeping in separate beds, hell, even in separate rooms, might be the best thing that could happen to them. After all, they haven’t slept separately for weeks and Ben feels like doesn’t even know how that works anymore. He can’t get used to this, cannot get used to Gwil sleeping next to him and wrapping himself around him, even though he really likes having Gwil’s arms around him, and maybe he’s already more used to it than he wants to admit. But Ben won’t let himself fall into that, he can’t do it. This will be over in a few months, they’ll file their divorce and be on their separate ways and Ben definitely won’t let this affect him. He won’t let it.

 

He avoids looking at his reflection in the mirror as he undresses himself. Maybe he is overreacting, but right now he feels like he needs a break. He’s tired and exhausted and this whole debacle he is in is making him question his sanity. He didn’t sign up for any of this, didn’t want his life to become an EastEnders episode. Because quite frankly this is how he feels right now. He feels powerless, like someone has taken over the wheel for him and he can just sit by and watch them crash in a wall.

 

The shower helps a bit and he feels like a human being again while he brushes his teeth and gets ready for bed. They will have to pick up Frankie from the sitter the next day, and he thinks that he wants to do it without Gwil, because she’s his dog, not theirs, and he doesn’t want to get her too used to having Gwil around, although Ben knows that it’s already too late for that. Frankie is in love with Gwil and vice versa. When they get their divorce and Ben moves out again, Frankie will be more than devastated. He’s already done it to her once and Ben feels awful for having to do it again, especially seeing now how well she gets along with Gwil, how at home she feels in the flat. But it’s no use, he’ll have to go through with it and Frankie will survive it, he’s sure of that.

 

When he steps out of the bathroom, Gwil is looking up at him. He’s sitting on the floor, leaning against the opposite wall and he gives him a sad look, quickly scrambling to his feet when Ben steps into the hallway. “Ben.”

 

“Gwilym.” Ben watches him wearily, not sure what he is up to. On the one hand, he’s a little flattered that Gwil waited for him. On the other he just wants him to leave him alone for the time being, letting Ben catch a breath for a moment or two.

 

“Look, I know you’re hurt, at least that’s how you’re acting right now. But if you don’t tell me what’s up, I can’t talk to you about it? Because I feel like this is my fault and I don’t know what went wrong that you feel like this now?” Gwil opens his arms, his palms up, his body language nothing but a peace offering.

 

Ben sighs and runs a hand through his wet curls, looking down at his feet. Gwil hasn’t deserved such a treatment, Ben knows that. He’s been nothing but good and supportive and basically everyone’s dream husband. He doesn’t quite know how Gwil can be real, how he doesn’t snap in all of this. “God... I just. You tell me that you don’t want us to do something we’ll regret when we’re sober and I tell you that I wouldn’t, that I’m sure.” He shakes his head. “And you turn me down again, because you want to protect me or something like that, I’m sure. But I can’t know, because you don’t say anything, right? And yes, maybe you’re right, maybe I would regret it. Or maybe you would regret it and that’s what you’re trying to tell me.” Ben takes a deep breath and then finally looks up at him, taking in Gwil’s face for a moment. “Maybe I’m regretting it already. It was stupid and dumb and I regret marrying you, because you were one of my best friends, and now I don’t know how to talk to you anymore, and you quite obviously don’t either, because you’re not telling me things, you’re telling them to Joe. And sure, that’s okay, but I want you to tell me things, too.”

 

Gwil’s expression closes off at that, the words quite obviously having hit the right spot and Ben frowns, licking over his lips. He regrets saying it now. He’s angry and tired and he just wanted Gwil to feel what he’s feeling, but seeing the look on his face now, the quite obvious disappointment and pain visible. Ben swallows and takes a step forward. “Gwil...”

 

“No, Ben. No.” Gwil shakes his head, giving him a sad look. “No, you’re right. It’s a mistake. The whole thing, all of this.” He gestures between the two of them. “This is a farce and you know what? We should be happy when we can get a divorce again. It’s not long anymore, just a few more months, and then this will be all over. So don’t worry, you’ll get your friend back. All you’ll lose is your husband and maybe a bit of your pride.”

 

With that, he pushes past Ben and closes the bathroom door behind him, turning the lock. Ben looks after him, a little dumbfounded and blinks. He’s never seen Gwil so angry, so hurt and disappointed at the same time. The worst part about it, Ben has put the look on his face. It’s like the desperate look he’s seen on Gwil after they realised what they have done when they woke up with matching rings on their fingers and a declaration for the whole world to see on the internet. Ben didn’t like putting that on Gwil’s face either back then and right now he just wants to take back what he’s said, to make it right again. But talking right now would probably lead to more fights and Ben really doesn’t want that.

 

He looks at that bedroom door and bites his lip, contemplating whether he should really sleep in the guestroom like he said or if he should man up and face Gwil. But he’s not sure if Gwil wants that right now, if he’ll feel comfortable enough with Ben in his bed. Because essentially, that’s what it is. It’s Gwil’s bed, Gwil’s flat. Everything here, except for a bit of Ben’s furniture and his things that didn’t make it into storage, belongs to Gwil. Ben is just a guest here, and no matter how at home he feels here, it’s just temporary, already has an end-date.

 

As Gwil said, they’ll get their divorce in a few months, everything will be over and things will go back to normal between them again. Although Ben highly doubts that they ever will. Not with what happened between them, not with the things they’ve said. As Gwil put it, all Ben is going to lose is his husband and a bit of his pride. And he’s pretty sure he’s already lost his friend.

 

Finally he turns away from the bathroom door and reluctantly makes his way to the bedroom, getting on his side of the bed hesitantly, even though he’s not sure if he is welcome here anymore or if he feels comfortable sleeping in one bed with Gwil right now. He pulls the duvet up and grabs his phone, opening WhatsApp. His finger hovers for a moment over Joe’s chat, but he somehow doesn’t want to talk to him right now, so instead he chooses Rami. He knows Gwil, too, knows what’s up and how Ben can maybe make this right again. Joe, on the other hand, has given Ben a lot of advice that didn’t help him in the slightest. “ _Are you up and can talk for a moment?_ ” He texts him, simply because he doesn’t know if Rami is asleep or if he isn’t and doesn’t want to wake him by calling. He doesn’t even know if Rami is in the country right now.

 

His musings get answered when his phone starts buzzing in his hand, Rami’s smiling face lighting up the screen. “Hey Rami.”

 

“Ben, hey! You got back to London alright?”

 

Ben smiles softly at that, fiddling a little with the duvet. “Yeah, yeah, we did. Just took a shower to get rid of the airplane smell. You know how it is. Where are you, man?”

 

“New York right now. We’ll be on our flight to London tomorrow.” Rami hesitates for a moment, before he clears his throat. “Are you alright?”

 

“No. Not really,” Ben admits then and bites his lip and closes his eyes before he continues in a lowered voice. “Gwil and I had a fight.” It feels stupid to put it like that, but it’s the best way he can put it into words right now, and it sort of describes their little dispute best.

 

“Oh. I’m sorry about that. Is that why you two were so distant yesterday?”

 

Ben smiles wearily. Rami is, just as Joe and Lucy, quite perceptive. “Yeah... we... well, I kissed him, and he turned me down. Said we shouldn’t do something we’d regret when we’re sober. And... well, I didn’t think I would? I still don’t. But...”

 

“But Gwil wouldn’t do it because he’s got principles and you already did something both of you regretted when you woke up again once, no need for a repeat experience,” Rami finishes softly, his voice understanding.

 

“Yeah, well, I’m not too sure Gwil regrets it though?” Ben asks back and frowns at the duvet, trying to make sense of it all. “Like, we just had a fight again, about all of this, and I basically said the same thing you did just now. I just... I didn’t take him into account. I told him that I regret marrying him, because I miss my friend and... and I do, but I also don’t? I mean, I don’t regret marrying him.”

 

“Oh Ben.” Rami’s voice is soft, even a bit pitiful and Ben closes his eyes at that. He knows it. He has fucked up, big time. Words like this don’t just sting, they hurt properly and he knows it, and it’s practically impossible to take them back.

 

“I know. I know.” Ben sighs softly. “I want to take them back, but I can’t. I’ve... I’ve really hurt him, Rami.”

 

“Yes, I bet you have.” Rami sighs as well and Ben can hear him get up and close a door behind him. “But you don’t regret marrying him?”

 

“No. I don’t. It was a heat of the moment thing. I was just trying to make him feel what I felt, or even worse. And... I think I managed that.”

 

“Yeah, I think you did. So. You want to know what you can do to make things right again?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“First of all, you need to talk to Gwil, not me. You need to apologise, because you didn’t mean it. Or well, you meant it in the situation, to hurt him, but you didn’t really mean it.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Good. Then do that. I’m not going to sugar-coat this for you, Ben. You need to get your drama in order. I know you two can probably pretend through Christmas, and I’m sure you’re professional enough to do that. But you’re my friends and right now you sound more than unhappy, and I really don’t want to see you unhappy.” Rami clears his throat. “Both of you deserve happiness, and maybe you can find it with each other. I mean, you married Gwil for a reason. Have you figured this out already? Especially if you said you’ve kissed him. So you’ve got feelings for him?”

 

Ben closes his eyes, drawing his eyebrows together. “Yes,” he whispers back.

 

It sort of hurts to admit it, especially to Rami. Telling Joe these things wasn’t hard. He usually tells Joe a lot of things, it’s easy to talk to him because while Joe pretends to judge him, he never would. Not that Rami would either. But he always is a little more serious and level-headed about these things and he manages to provide something for Ben that makes it real when he says it out loud like this.

 

“Did you tell him that?”

 

“No.”

 

“Well, then maybe you should? Instead of just kissing him. It’s one thing to kiss someone, but if they don’t know the intent behind it, it’s quite hard for them to guess?” Rami offers gently. “After all, you’ve never been with a man before. So from Gwil’s point of view this might just be an experiment for you?”

 

“Oh.” Ben’s eyes snap open at that. “Oh god. I haven’t thought of that. God. Never, Rami, you need to believe me. Gwil could never be an experiment for me. He means too much to me to be just that.” Ben frowns some more. The thought that Gwil could actually believe something like that makes Ben’s stomach turn. But of course, Rami is right. Gwil couldn’t know what Ben’s intent behind that kiss was. He’s not a mind reader after all, and Ben didn’t tell him his feelings or what he wanted then. He just kissed him and said that he wanted it and wouldn’t regret it. And now he’s been acting like the biggest arsehole on the planet.

 

“I know that, Ben. I do. But you need to tell Gwil that, too. Especially after the fight you just had,” Rami says softly, making Ben nod.

 

“I will. I promise, I’ll talk to him.”

 

“Good. And don’t hesitate to call me, or Joe, or Lucy. We’re all here to help. We’re here for both of you and we just want to see you happy.”

 

“I will,” Ben says again. “I’ll call if I mess up again, but let’s hope I won’t.”

 

“You can call anyway, even if you don’t mess up and just want to tell us how happy you are,” Rami tells him with a soft laugh. “Go get him, tiger. He’s your fake husband. Go make him your real one.”

 

Ben chuckles softly. “I’ll try my best. Even though I don’t know if Gwil wants me back. He’s been giving me kind of mixed signals.”

 

“Again, you’ll have to ask him. I’m quite certain you’ll have to talk about feelings with him,” Rami says gently, his voice soft but firm even as his words are making light of the situation.

 

“I know.” Ben nods. He does know that. After all, this is not his first relationship. He just hates talking about feelings. And this is a little more complicated, especially since his feelings only developed after he got married. Normally people fall in love, try if they fit together, and then get married. Ben and Gwil did it the other way round, and he’s still trying to figure out if they’re both on the same page here.

 

“And I’m quite sure you’ll come to a solution. Keep me updated, will you?”

 

“Of course I will. Thanks, Rami.”

 

“Any time. Give my best to Gwil.”

 

“Yeah, and you to Lucy. See you soon.” When they have both said their goodbyes Ben ends the call and puts his phone down again. Rami is right. He needs to talk about what he’s thinking and let Gwil know that he wants more with him. That it’s not about experimenting with him, seeing what he likes, that it’s actually about being with _Gwil_.

 

And Ben can only do that if he opens up about his feelings and if he lets Gwil know that he’s fallen in love with him, hard. He’s never imagined falling in love with a friend before, a male friend. But then he’s never imagined marrying one either, and here he is, married to one of his best friends. And Ben has the feeling that it’s a good thing that the two of them got married because they went through so much, experienced so much together. If you go through so much already with your partner, it’s a good base to build something on top of it. Ben just needs to figure out a way to get his easy attitude towards Gwil back, because that’s something he misses more than he can put into words. Maybe that is what is holding him back as well, the thought that he can’t talk openly to Gwil anymore, feeling like he doesn’t want to hurt him with whatever he could say – just like he did moments before. It was stupid, Ben knows it, and he wants to take everything back, wants to make things right again. He’s selfish, yes, but he hates seeing Gwil upset and knowing he’s put the look on his face doesn’t make it better, it makes Ben only feel worse. But the worst part about it is that Ben doesn’t really know what to say to make it better again.

 

Ever since they woke up married to each other in Vegas, Ben feels like there was something holding him back from talking properly to Gwil. Normally he would’ve asked him for advice and what his thoughts are on this. But since Gwil is part of the problem, Ben didn’t do that. Not because he’s been developing feelings so suddenly, before as well already. And he has no idea how to get his groove back, to get his connection with Gwil back. Especially since Gwil and Joe seem closer than ever, leaving Ben feeling like an outsider looking on but not really grasping what is happening.

 

Of course, Ben doesn’t believe that they’re doing something behind his back. He’s not stupid. But it hurts to see that they’re still so close to each other, and while Ben is close to Joe as well, it’s not the same as talking to Gwil. Ben knows that he could never replace him, not as his friend, and not as his husband.

 

When the bathroom door opens, Ben looks up and bites his lip, waiting almost anxiously for Gwil to come into the bedroom. He will talk to him tonight, and apologise to him, and hopefully Gwil will accept it.

 

“Hey,” he says when Gwil finally steps into the room, dressed in a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt. “Um...”

 

“I thought you wanted to sleep in the guestroom tonight,” Gwil replies, not looking up at Ben, giving him the same treatment Ben has given him before. And it hurts more than Ben wants to admit, because it makes him realise once more what an incredible arsehole he’s been to him for days now, and how Gwil has always put up with it, wordlessly letting Ben trample all over him. Getting a taste of his own medicine has never been so bitter before. Gwil seems cold, but also hurt and Ben could hit himself for making Gwil feel like this. He’s never meant for all of this to happen, he doesn’t want to hurt Gwil or upset him. He wants to make sure he’s okay and that he’s smiling again. It’s selfish, yes, but seeing Gwil like this makes Ben’s heart ache.

 

“I know. I just—“

 

“If you want me to, I’ll go.”

 

“No.” Immediately Ben shakes his head and sits up a bit more. “Please don’t go. I know I was an arse and said horrible things to you, and I’m sorry I did that. I just... I’m tired, and I was hurt, and I let it out on you. And you didn’t deserve that. I’m really sorry.”

 

Gwil looks up at him at that, his expression a little unreadable and Ben bites his lip, trying to give him a hopeful look. “Okay.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“Yes. Okay.” Gwil nods and gets into bed, sliding under the duvet.

 

Ben blinks at him. “Um... What does that mean?”

 

“That means I listened to your words and I need a moment to process them. I’m tired, too. I don’t think there’s much use if we talk about that tonight. But we should talk about it tomorrow, and we will. I’ve put it off as long as I could, and it wasn’t a good decision on my part either. But I can’t talk about it tonight,” Gwil says and snuggles back into the pillow before he puts his glasses onto the nightstand, rather pointedly turning his back to him. “Good night, Ben.”

 

Ben stares at him, a little surprised that Gwil just shuts him up like that. But maybe he deserves it. Maybe he deserves to dwell on his thoughts a little longer, stew in the crap he’s piled up for them, the bridges he has burnt. Maybe his words have hurt Gwil even more than he’s thought, and a simple apology is not enough. “Good night,” he whispers back and slides down until he can place his head on the pillow as well. While Gwil switches off the light and tugs the blanket higher, his back still to Ben, Ben stays where he is, lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. This really isn’t how he pictured the night to end. He doesn’t quite know what he expected, but he thought that Gwil would’ve wanted to hear what he has to say.

 

While Gwil is out like a light within seconds, Ben can’t find sleep. His mind keeps racing and he is trying to figure out how to make this right again. He definitely needs to apologise to Gwil again, properly, he knows that, make things right again with him. He needs to let him know that Ben doesn’t regret their marriage, that he could never experiment with him, that he’d never want to hurt him purposely and that he’s fallen in love with him. He just hopes that Gwil will want to hear what he’s got to say and Ben will listen to what Gwil has to say, maybe, just maybe he’s got a good reason for not saying anything sooner. After all, even though they haven’t really spoken about their feelings for months, Ben knows him well enough to know that Gwil is a good guy and would never do anything to hurt him on purpose, not like Ben did earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh _Ben_. I swear, I said it out loud when I wrote the chapter.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another huge thanks to [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) for reading this over. <3

Gwil is already up and rummaging around the flat when Ben wakes up. He groans a little and rolls onto his stomach, burying his face into his pillow to hide away from the dim light in the bedroom. His eyes feel too bleary and he feels like he’s slept too little, his restlessness keeping him up almost half of the night, jetlag on top of that. They definitely need to talk about this and while Ben has been trying to make sense of his thoughts during the night, he ended up just running in circles again. He didn’t find a solution and no matter how he played it in his mind, he just couldn’t figure out what Gwil thinks or what the right way to start the conversation is. Ben can’t look into his head and there are various possibilities how this can play out.

 

All Ben knows is that he’ll have to get up to face the music. There’s no promo coming anymore. Until award season starts it’s just them, and maybe the projects they have, but it’s not a lot. There is Christmas coming, where they’ll have to pretend to be happily in love and Ben can’t do it anymore if it’s actual pretence. Not when there are feelings involved, when Gwil is hopefully feeling more than he lets on as well. Once again an important reason why they have to talk. Even if Gwil can’t forgive him, doesn’t want him like that, doesn’t want to stay married, Ben will know the truth then and can live with it accordingly. But not knowing and just guessing hasn’t gotten him anywhere and he feels more than shitty right now.

 

With a groan he hauls himself out of bed and makes his way into the bathroom, splashing cold water in his face and then scrubbing it. It helps him to wake up at least a little and when he straightens again to look into the mirror, he doesn’t look as bad anymore. It’s a start, even though he still doesn’t look his best right now. It won’t get better by staring at his reflection though, so Ben finally takes a deep breath, brushes his teeth, takes his time to shave and then head back to the bedroom to find something to wear.

 

He can hear Gwil in the living room and he’s grateful for that because it means he can have a coffee and get something to eat, giving him a bit of strength before he finally has to face Gwil and they have to talk. He’s even considering heading out first o go pick up Frankie, just to avoid having to hear the words he really doesn’t want to hear. Because the longer he putters around, the surer he gets Gwil’s opinion of him has been ruined completely last night.

 

He drags out his breakfast as long as he dares to before he puts the used dishes into the dishwasher and then finally makes his way into the living room. Gwil is sitting on the couch, looking up from the book he is reading. He looks just as tired as Ben feels and Ben realises that Gwil probably didn’t sleep well either. “Hey,” he says softly and points into the room. “May I come in?”

 

“Sure.” Gwil closes the book and puts it onto the couch table, sitting up a little straighter, patting the couch next to him. “You may even sit.”

 

It coaxes a smile out of Ben and he makes his way into the room, sitting down next to Gwil to give him a cautious look. “How did you sleep?”

 

“Crappy.” Gwil shrugs, quite obvious not trying to put it nicely. “And you look like you didn’t sleep well either.”

 

“No.” Ben sighs and shakes his head. “Been up all night, thinking about our fight, and everything. And... I’m sorry, Gwil. I really am.” He turns towards him a little more, pressing his lips together. “I’m sorry I hurt you with what I said. I don’t regret it, marrying you, I mean. I really just tried to lash out and hurt you.”

 

“You did. You really did,” Gwil replies and sighs, looking down at his hands to play with the wedding band, a nervous habit he has picked up and that has always been a bit endearing to Ben since he noticed it. Now it’s making him nervous, too. “I had feared that all along, from the beginning, you know? That you regretted it. It was just a stupid joke, right? What’s a marriage between friends? But I think you could really regret it, because it would out you to the world to as you’re not ready to be yet, or ready to feel yet.”

 

Ben frowns at that, tilting his head to the side as he watches him. Gwil looks uncomfortable and hurt and Ben hates the look on him, hates that he’s the one who made him feel these things. “Gwil—“

 

“No, please. I’m... I’m not finished yet.” Gwil shakes his head and takes another deep breath. “I suspected that you were bi, or at least liked me. Even before we got married. There was always... there was a little spark, a little bit of tension, always something more than when you pretended to flirt with Joe. But I didn’t want to act on it, I couldn’t do that to you. And when you asked me in Vegas, I knew it’d be stupid to say yes. But I wanted to believe it. I wanted it to be real. The way you kept touching me that night, and kissing me. It was nice. I liked to pretend that you wanted me back. And I’m sorry for treating you that way. I should have been honest with you.”

 

Ben’s eyes widen at that and he gapes at him. “You remember?” Suddenly it dawns on him, hitting him with full force. All this time, Gwil has remembered their wedding night and didn’t say a single thing to him.

 

“Yeah. Not all of it, obviously, but I remember more than I’ve told you.” Gwil looks up at him and gives him a sad smile. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to be the only one that’s stupid and miserable and woke up married without any memories of it. So I didn’t say anything. And it was easier like that, too. You would’ve asked me a million questions and I didn’t have the answer to all of them either. So I pretended I didn’t know anymore either, and I’m so sorry about this. It’s hasn’t been fair to you.”

 

“Oh.” Ben nods, trying to wrap his head around it. He doesn’t quite know what to make of this. Sure, he can somehow understand that Gwil didn’t want to say anything because he didn’t want Ben to feel worse about himself, but he also did it for another reason. “You did it to protect yourself,” he murmurs, more a statement than a question.

 

Gwil shrugs. “Maybe. I just... I didn’t want to tell you why I married you, why I thought it would be a brilliant idea.”

 

Ben swallows softly. “Why did you do it?” He asks, needing to know. He needs Gwil to say the words because Ben can’t be the one to do it. He doesn’t want to put himself out there first, to be the one who puts his heart on a plate and get it smashed right in his face, even though this is exactly what he’s asking Gwil to do now. He’s given it a try before, to show him how he feels, but even though he knows they really need to put it in words this time, he can’t just say it. Not when Gwil looks so miserable about all of this.

 

“Because I love you,” Gwil replies, his gaze firmly on Ben’s, blue eyes never wavering away. “I’m in love with you, and I thought for some reason that marrying you would be a great idea. That you’d fall in love with me, too, if I showed you what a great husband I could be.” He shrugs and laughs humourlessly. “Stupid, I know. And I’m sorry for that as well, for not talking to you about this.”

 

Ben shakes his head. “It’s not stupid,” he says softly and reaches for Gwil’s hand to give it a soft squeeze. “You did show me what a great husband you are. You’re amazing, Gwil, and I couldn’t have done half of this without you.” He presses his lips together. “And you succeeded.” When Gwil frowns at him and tilts his head to the side, giving Ben a confused look, Ben can’t help but smile a little. “You managed to make me fall in love with you.”

 

Gwil raises his eyebrows at that, giving Ben a surprised look. “You...? What?”

 

“Oh, do you really need me to say it again?”

 

“Yes.” Gwil nods, his eyebrows drawing together. “Yes, I really need you to repeat that.”

 

“I’m in love with you,” Ben says again, softly, giving his hand a light squeeze, unable to hold back the smile that is tugging his lips upwards. “I’ve fallen so hard for you that I don’t know how to stop it anymore.”

 

“God, you do? ” Gwil smiles back at him and brings his other hand up to cup Ben’s cheek, gently gracing over his cheekbone with his thumb. “Fucking hell, Ben.”

 

Ben laughs softly and tugs a little at his hand, pulling him closer to his own body. “I know. We’re both a bit thick, aren’t we?”

 

“Incredibly,” Gwil agrees and chuckles, shuffling closer on the couch. He drops his hand and wraps his arm around Ben’s shoulders instead, pulling him against him. “I thought... I mean, I tried to show you. It’s not the smartest move, I know, I should’ve talked to you sooner, but I thought if I showed you that you could like it...”

 

Ben nods. “It’s okay. I’m not mad. I mean, I should’ve said something as well. I didn’t, for weeks now. And that wasn’t fair to you either.” His gaze drops to Gwil’s mouth and he licks over his own lips for a moment before he meets his eyes with his own again. “May I kiss you now?”

 

Gwil laughs softly at that and finally pulls him in, his hand in Ben’s neck, fingers softly running through the short hair in his nape. He closes the last gap between them and places his lips on Ben’s, connecting them in a tentative and sweet kiss.

 

It’s nothing like the snog Ben remembers and nothing like their little pecks or the kiss he tried to inflict in Japan. This is sweet, tentative and soft, just like their talk. It’s slow as well, Gwil is clearly trying to let Ben adjust and give him an out, if he doesn’t want to kiss him, but Ben doesn’t even think about it. He leans closer, tilts his head to the side and deepens the kiss, easily licking into Gwil’s mouth when he opens up to his demanding tongue, arms tightening around his husband.

 

Gwil is a sensational kisser, attentive and perceptive, easily giving over the lead to Ben to let him explore, but also showing him just what he likes and Ben feels himself melt against him and into his arms. He definitely likes it, likes feeling Gwil’s hands on his body and his tongue in his mouth, just like he thought he would. It turns him on more than he thought and he shuffles closer to Gwil, unable to get enough from him.

 

This time, Gwil guides him off again, gently though, as he brings his hand up to cup Ben’s cheek again. “Don’t,” he whispers, his gaze coming to rest on Ben’s once more.

 

“Why?” Ben asks, frowning a little at him, licking over his own lips. He doesn’t want to stop kissing him, doesn’t want to stop doing this. There’s so much they need to explore, need to do, and he wants to start now. But Gwil is stopping them once more and for a moment, Ben can’t help but feel like the rug is getting pulled out from under him again, even when Gwil is still looking at him with such a gentle look on his face.

 

“I just...” Gwil shuffles closer and wraps his arm around Ben to pull him against his side, making them shift on the couch so they are cuddled up together. He presses a soft kiss to Ben’s temple, quite obviously trying to find the right words to say. “I want you to know that I care about you. You mean a lot to me. And I don’t want to rush anything, or that you regret doing things with me. You’re supposed to like what we’re doing and I fear that when we do it too fast or too drunk or too stupid that you won’t like it. And... it’s selfish, I know, but I don’t want you to think back about not liking sex with a man and connecting me for the rest of your life with that experience.”

 

Ben frowns at that and he lifts his head to look up at him, taking him in for a moment. Gwil’s got a slight frown on his face as well. “I’d never,” he whispers and brings his hand up to cup Gwil’s cheek softly, his fingers tracing gently over his skin, feeling the beard under his fingertips. “I’d never think about you like that.” He’s sure that Gwil would be the perfect man to learn this with, just as Joe has said. He’s quite passionate about what he does, and Ben is sure that he’s like that in every aspect of life. He’s also caring and nice and very attentive. There is no other man Ben would like to do these things with. He can let himself fall with Gwil, be stupid and make mistakes, and Gwil would never hold it against him. And right now Ben is cuddled up in Gwil’s arms and they’re talking about potential sex and Ben’s got to admit that he really wants to try it. He wanted it in Japan, drunk, and he definitely wants it right now. Now he’s sober and he can think straight, more or less, and he’s sure that having sex with Gwil will definitely be mindblowing.

 

“You say that now.” Gwil leans into the touch, a slight smile tugging his lips upwards. “But when it’s crap, you’ll always think back about it.”

 

“It won’t be crap.” Ben leans a little closer to him and shifts so he can wrap his arms around Gwil to pull him into a hug. “Is that... did you have a crappy first time?”

 

Gwil chuckles at that and buries his face in Ben’s hair for a moment. “That obvious?”

 

Ben hums and gently rubs his hand over Gwil’s back. “Yeah, a bit. Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Not much to talk about it. He was crap, and I haven’t forgotten that. I just... I don’t want to be your crappy first time. It won’t be amazingly perfect, it’ll be uncomfortable and it’ll sting and maybe you won’t like it, but—“

 

Carefully Ben leans back and brings his hand up to place a finger on Gwil’s lips, silencing. “Shh. Don’t.” He smiles at him, touched that Gwil wants to treat him right, but also a little amused about his stammering. He really, really loves that man. “I’ve done it before.” He lets his hand drop again and gently runs it over Gwil’s chest until it comes to rest right above his heart.

 

Gwil blinks, and then stares at him, his eyes wide. “You’ve done it before?”

 

Ben nods slowly, a slight flush on his face. “It’s been a while now. But yeah. Well, not with a man, but. Yeah,” he repeats a little breathlessly.

 

“Pegging?” Gwil asks carefully and Ben bites his lip, face flushing a little more, before he nods gently.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Oh. Wow. I didn’t really... I didn’t expect that.” Gwil watches him, his gaze flicking over his face, a lot of emotions readable on his features, but with the way his eyes darken a little, it makes Ben feel hot all over. “I... god, that’s really sexy.”

 

Ben keeps his gaze for a moment, his cheeks heating up in a blush. “We should not talk about this while cuddled up on the couch together like this or I’ll really want it. And you’ve decided we’re taking it slow, and you’re right about that because yeah, we should.”

 

Gwil laughs at that and hugs him against his chest, burying his face in Ben’s hair again. “I know. God, you have no idea how much I want it, too.”

 

Ben chuckles as well and presses his face against Gwil’s chest, closing his eyes as he cuddles up to him. “I can’t believe we just talked about this stuff, nonchalantly.” He knows that one should be able to talk with their partner about all of this, but Ben would have never guessed that he’d talk with Gwil about that, especially like this.

 

“Neither can I.” Gwil tightens his grip around him and presses a soft kiss to the top of Ben’s head again. It feels so nice to have these affections back, but this time Ben knows what’s behind them when Gwil acts so gently with him and it makes his stomach flutter even more. “But it’s good that we do. Talking about this stuff is important. Consent is important. I’m not going to do anything you don’t want to, Ben.”

 

“I know that.” Ben rubs over Gwil’s back before he finally leans back a little to look up at him. “It goes both ways. And I’m glad you said no to me before. Means that you value your principles. I’m sorry for making a scene. I know you’re right.”

 

Gwil hums. “Thanks for apologising. I appreciate that. And thank you for accepting my apology as well. I should have done a lot of things differently. And we’ll do it. Sex. In time. Give us a little more time to figure this out, to figure out what we like. We’ll start slowly. And we’ll definitely talk more, I promise you this.”

 

Ben smiles up at him and nods. “Yeah, we will. And we’ll figure this out,” he agrees and leans in to wrap his arms around Gwil once more, pressing closer to him as he shifts a little on the couch. He tilts his head upwards, his lips searching Gwil’s as he leans in and finally kisses him again, slow and deep, his fingers fisting into Gwil’s shirt.

 

No one is around to witness it; they’re not putting up a front for anyone to see. The world doesn’t need to know what they’ve been talking about.

 

This is for them now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this. There's one more chapter coming, and that's the epilogue.  
> <3


	16. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another huge thanks to [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) for reading this over. <3

Ben tugs a little at the white bow tie he’s wearing and frowns at his reflection. “I don’t think this is right,” he mumbles, trying to make it look presentable. It feels like it’s off and that it needs straightening.

 

“Hands off!” Joe calls out and steps up to him, turning Ben around so he can check on the bowtie, make sure Ben hasn’t messed it up. “It looked perfect before and it looks even more perfect now. So stop meddling. You look great.”

 

Ben smiles at him and nods. “Thanks.” He brings his hand up to fiddle with the ring he’s wearing and looks over to the door. “I’m a bit nervous.”

 

“I don’t even know what you’re nervous about? You already got married to him before!” Joe grins and grabs Ben’s face with both hands. “Relax, alright? He’s not going to say no.”

 

Ben rolls his eyes at that and bats Joe’s hands away. “That’s not what I’m nervous about. I mean, it’s all of our families and friends out there. It’s just a lot of people.” He looks back to the door again. It’s not that Ben is going to back out now, he couldn’t. He’s definitely sure that he wants to spend the rest of his life with Gwil; that he wants to renew their vows, share it with the world, now that he actually, truly means it. He just is a bit nervous, is all.

 

After all, they have done everything rather unconventionally and right now this feels like it’s Ben’s first wedding. Even though he knows that it isn’t, he still can’t remember the first in Vegas, unlike his husband, and now everyone will be there and watching, he has a right to be nervous about it.

 

“And all of this people out there are happy to see you tie the knot. Again.” Joe smiles and runs his hand over Ben’s back. “I’m going to look for the hubby, so he can calm you down again. Obviously you won’t listen to a thing I say.”

 

“Joe...”

 

“No, it’s okay.” Joe puts up his hand and sniffles dramatically. “I don’t need you to say things just to make me feel better. You know, I set you up. I’m a perfect matchmaker, and this is how you repay me?”

 

Ben laughs at that and shakes his head fondly. “Well, to be fair, you didn’t really set us up. Your advice nearly made us break up.”

 

“Unimportant details. You got back together, didn’t you?” Joe shrugs, making Ben laugh again. Before he can say anything though, there’s a knock at the door and then it gets pushed open, Gwil stepping into the room, Frankie following him close behind. She’s wearing a matching bow to Gwil’s, making her look extra fancy. Ben would be jealous if he didn’t find it so endearing to see how close these two have become.

 

“Wow,” Gwil says when his gaze comes to rest on Ben, taking in the white tuxedo with black accents he’s wearing. “You look amazing, babe.”

 

Ben blushes a little under Gwil’s watchful gaze and he bites his lip, taking a step towards him, taking him in as well. Gwil is wearing a classic black tuxedo with a white shirt, making him look classy and sophisticated. “So do you,” he whispers and takes Gwil’s hands in his, lacing their fingers together.

 

Gwil smiles back at him and leans in for a small peck. “Ready to say yes again?”

 

“Only if you say it first.” Ben grins up at him and wraps his arms around Gwil’s middle, tugging him into a tight embrace.

 

“I’ll say yes to you any day in the year, you know that,” Gwil whispers into his hair and hugs him close, his arms coming to wrap around Ben to hold him tightly, making him melt against him.

 

If someone had told Ben, almost a year ago, that he’d stand here, in a cottage somewhere in Britain, and he’d renew his vows to Gwil, he wouldn’t have believed them for a second. He never thought he’d stay married to Gwil, let alone fall in love with him. But Gwilym Lee is the material dream husbands are made of and Ben wouldn’t want to miss this for anything in the world. He’s found his Mr Right, the happy ending he’s always longed for and he doesn’t have to be alone anymore. Gwil would never leave his side, showing him the support he needs and deserves. And of course Ben wants to do it all for him as well. He wants to be there for Gwil when he receives his first BAFTA, maybe even an Oscar, because if Ben is asked, Gwil is the greatest actor of them all. But mostly, Ben just wants to be with Gwil, making him happy and making him smile for the rest of their lives.

 

“Are the grooms ready?” Rami asks then, pulling Gwil and Ben out of their own little bubble.

 

“As ready as they’ll ever be, probably,” Joe replies and steps up to them, wrapping his arms around them as he weasels his way between them. “Just so you know, if you fuck this up, I’ll disown you.”

 

Ben laughs out loud at that and wraps his arms around Joe to hug him against his side, holding out his other arm for Rami as well. “We’re not going to muck this up, promised.”

 

Gwil nods in agreement and wraps his arm around Rami as well, the four of them sharing a group hug as they keep standing there, just enjoying their closeness for a moment, the friendship they have formed, Frankie burrowing in between their legs to get some attention as well. “Thanks for doing this with us, lads.”

 

“Always,” Joe replies and smiles up at him, squeezing Ben’s side gently.

 

“My pleasure.” Rami smiles at them as well and then finally steps out of the embrace, walking to the door. “Now, if you don’t mind. There’s a wedding waiting for you.”

 

Joe grins and waggles his eyebrows, giving them another squeeze before he makes his way over to Rami, the two of them holding the door open for them. Frankie looks between Ben and Gwil and the other two and then follows Joe, her tail waggling slowly. Joe grins a little more and wiggles his eyebrows at Ben and Gwil, as if to tell them that their dog is ready to join the party as well.

 

Ben smiles up at Gwil, holding out his hand to him. “Gwilym Lee, do you want to marry me again?”

 

Gwil just smiles back at him, taking Ben’s hand in his and links their fingers together. “I do.”

 

“Then let’s do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright people. This is it. That’s the end of the story. It’s been fun. And I want to thank you all who took the time to comment and leave kudos. That means a lot to me. And also thanks to you, silent reader, if you’ve enjoyed the story. 
> 
> I know that there’s a huge time gap between the last chapter and the epilogue and there are a million things I could’ve written but I wanted to finish the story. rather sooner than later.
> 
> Just imagine them finally exploring their sex life (spoiler: Ben loves it), them working out their issues of not talking to each other - they become the healthiest couple you could imagine. 
> 
> \- Rami and Joe GLOAT   
> \- They move in together for real, a bigger flat, with a garden for Frankie (Gwil doesn’t want to leave the neighbourhood and they can’t afford a house, so they settle for a flat with a garden)  
> \- More domestic bliss because OBVIOUSLY they’re madly in love with each other and Gwil, even though he likes to sleep in, gets up before Ben and wakes him with a coffee and a sweet kiss until Frankie burrows between them and demands kisses as well  
> \- Children in the future, because let's be real, they'll have at least two.
> 
> Even more things I can’t think of right now. But imagine. 
> 
> I would’ve loved to have written these scenes. But if I had, I wouldn’t have finished the story as quickly as I wanted and I would’ve blown it up quite a lot. So imagine these things, and maybe I’ll come back with a sequel or a story that’s set in between chapter 15 and the epilogue. I can’t promise you anything yet, but maybe I will.


End file.
